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pagan/agnosticish/christian wedding question?

sevatiparisevatipari
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in Interfaith Weddings
My fiance and I are getting married August 13 2011.  I'm Pagan and he's Agnosticish (he believes there's a Diety but he's not sure on religion.  The rest of our combined family is Christian (Baptist to be exact....heck my birthfather's training to be a pastor).  I'm trying to combine my beliefs/rituals unique to a Pagan wedding and our Native American ancestry as well as our Irish/Scottish ancestry into the wedding without shocking the Christians (Fiance doesn't care about having a Christian ceremony so it's cool).  Any thoughts?
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Re: pagan/agnosticish/christian wedding question?

  • BBBSpring11BBBSpring11 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Contact www.lovingheartsceremonies.com/ They have seen it all and will travel anywhere.  My fiance and I are having Rabbi Ross perform our ceremony.  My fiance is Jewish and although baptized Protestant and ultimately raised Catholic, I primarily relate to eastern religion.  I also have family with Pagan and Native American beliefs.  Reverend Deborah Steen Ross is so knowledgeable of various cultures and religions, I am sure she will be able to help guide you.  Good luck!
    Brittany
    NY, NY
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  • MomOf3CatsMomOf3Cats member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Hello.
    I'm Pagan also but everyone else (my family, his family, him) are all Catholic. Sadly I'm scrapping my dream of a Handfasting because of his family's very LOUD insistance of me going to "Hell" and all that. :-(  Fiance is ok with my Faith, but his family is driving me nuts!
    FMIL wants me to convert, get baptized, etc so "we" can have a church wedding. *sigh*
    I want to elope :-p
    -K.
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  • angelsoffspringangelsoffspring member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    There's a book called "handfasting and wedding rituals" by raven Kaldera and Tannin Schwartzstein.

    beleive it or not but there are plenty of ways to incorporate our religion into a traditional wedding.  The flowers in your bouquet, the unity candle, the gemstones in your jewelery. The list of possibilities is endless!

    Check out www.astrologicalconcepts.com She helped me pick my wedding date, time for ceremony, flower suggestions, and also gemstone suggesstion.

    I am writing my own ceremony based off of samples from the book I listed above. I am doing the handfasting with a little blurp written in my program explaing how it is represented in several different religions so as not to scare off the masses.

    One of the best things to do is have an outside ceremony closer to nature! Nobody can say no to that :) Don't throw in the towel just yet ladies, where there is a will there is a way.

    If you guys like, feel free to PM me for any questions or comments :)

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  • sevatiparisevatipari
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Yeah I finally figured it out.  What I really needed was a sample copy of a Christian and a Pagan ceremony so I could play mix and match and create my own.  My family and his don't care about my religion (heck his baptist grandma sees ghosts and my cousin's bhuddist) as long as we're happy and we already agreed to raise the kids as open to all religions and let them pick.  I just didn't wanna give them a stroke by being TOO off the wall.  We're doing a handfasting and a different version of the unity candle since my grandfather passed away a year and a half ago and my fiance's mother passed away in 2005. Instead of doing the unity candle we're doing a memorial candle where one candle represents my grandpa the other will be for his mom (pictures will be next to both) my grandma (my grandpas wife) will light grandpas and his grandma (his mom's mom) will light the other (his parents are divorced) and we'll light the center candle. The thought behind it is by the 2 flames representing the deceased loved ones lighting the center candle that even though they've passed and can't be there physically they're there in spirit and bless our union.  We're also not doing the "giving away of the bride"  cause 1 this is my 2nd wedding and 2 I have the whole stepdad who's dad to me and biodad trying to force his way back in my life issue.  So to cut out all hurt feelings I'm walking alone.  The Officiant will ask if I come of my own free will and whose blessings accompany me. 

    Now to just find a blue wedding dress without having to settle for the bridesmaids or a prom or quicenera dress (I want dropped waist gentle flare not giant poof....
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  • angelsoffspringangelsoffspring member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    ^^nice idea^^

    My ceremony is going to be outside and I'm hoping to find a location that will let me do a small little fire in the far east corner. I'm having candles set up in the quarters and have a male attendant at each one to light without having to "walk a circle". I'm just having them lit silently right before the opening ceremony.

    We are going to use a unity candle as a subsitution for the "alter candles". On the podeum, we will have a glass bowl with insense so items can be passed thru the smoke for cleansing. Where gonna light the unity candle during the opening statement by the officiant.

    We are doing the handfasting with the exchange of the rings so while we are repeating the " I do" statements, the cord is being wrapped around our hands as we speak them.

    At the end we are "jumping the broom" as soon as we are announced man and wife then kissing.

    I'm doing the traditional headwreath instead of a veil and everyone will be holding candles instead of flowers. Greenery in my bouquet, Windchimes in the trees and maybe a few peacock feathers. My jewelary will have my gemstones. I actually just found a great unity candle on here that is a floating one to incorporate the water element!

    Some of my family know my religion but don't understand it or want to understand it. I'm hoping by doing this, they can see the beauty of it and not be offended by any of the actions that take place. I wanna please the masses and also please myself and what I beleive in.

    Feel free to use my ideas. I'm also open to any suggestions any of you may have on this topic.

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  • zenjennzenjenn
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    angelsoffspring: that is a wonderful book, especially for blended families!

    we're setting up alters, but they'll be pretty set-ups for people who aren't aware they're at a pagan wedding.  my family is italian catholic, hubby's is irish lutheran.  some of them know theyre going to a handfasting, others will get a slightly unique non-denominational union experience.  we're good at these things.  there are a lot of ways to incorperate your traditions without alienating anyone or making any guests feel uncomfortable.  it's a careful blend, but it is possible.  in the end, it's your day, and you do want to have your spirituality represented in some fashion.  :)  blessings and good luck!
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  • EnamiEnami member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_interfaith-weddings-1_paganagnosticishchristian-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:429Discussion:fddb9d2d-91fd-46a6-9802-9fc087a0f063Post:785cadb1-eee0-41c7-aa7d-653bf0c3e844">Re: pagan/agnosticish/christian wedding question?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hello. I'm Pagan also but everyone else (my family, his family, him) are all Catholic. Sadly I'm scrapping my dream of a Handfasting because of his family's very LOUD insistance of me going to "Hell" and all that. :-(  Fiance is ok with my Faith, but his family is driving me nuts! FMIL wants me to convert, get baptized, etc so "we" can have a church wedding. *sigh* I want to elope :-p -K.
    Posted by MomOf3Cats[/QUOTE]

    Why? Handfastings aren't necessarily Pagan or religious at all. Have a secular handfasting incorporated into your ceremony. This is also your day, you shouldn't compromise your religious beliefs in any way you aren't comfortable with.
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  • EnamiEnami member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm a Celtic Recon, FI is a Christian, as are both our families. We're "scrapping" a religious ceremony in favor of a spiritual one. We're each selecting readings for our mothers to read, he's choosing something Biblical, I think I'm going with an Irish "Wooing". We've also opted for a non-religious officiant, plan on writing our own vows (I know I plan on saying something about the claddagh), and are having a generic blessing at the end (probably adapted from the Carmina Gadelica). No mention of Gods or spirits, no religious symbolism, just us out in nature saying our vows before what we believe in, and none of our guests to be the wiser.
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