So the plan has always been to have my sister's 3 kids and FI's sister's 2 kids in the wedding party. My sister's oldest girl will be nearly 10 y/o at wedding time, and her twins (boy and girl) will be 7 y/o this March. FI's sister's twin boys will be 4 y/o in March.. These are going to be the only children at the wedding...
Now, my sister's kids have been super pumped about being in the wedding from the get-go. When they found out we were engaged, they were immediately asking what their roles would be. It's never been a question for me that they'd all be in the wedding, and my sister is on board.
FI's sister's kids are obviously young and don't really know what's going on... I had asked her about a year ago to be a BM and asked if she'd have the boys as ringbearers... At the time, she seemed quazi-hesitant, but said yes. (Her husband is also a groomsman in the wedding.)
Nothing has really been discussed about it since then. Fast forward to present. FI got a voicemail from his sis yesterday stating that she now doesn't want the boys in the wedding. She doesn't want to have to worry about their behavior, and she wants her and her husband to actually be able to enjoy the day and not have to focus on the kids.
I'm torn on my feelings on this... I see where she's coming from and TBH, if that's genuinely how she feels, I don't want to force her to have to look after her children all day. I want her to enjoy the day with us and be able to focus on her brother.
Unfortunately, FI is extremely upset. He wants his only nephews to be a part of the wedding. I don't think he's as concerned about having them at the reception, but he wants them to be a part of the ceremony and pictures... He's very adament about this and feels like his sister is being selfish and not honoring his wishes to have his nephews be a part of the most important day of his life (his words).
He hasn't called her back yet to have a discussion with her about it, but knowing FI, he'll get even more defensive about it when he talks to her. Even last night when I was trying to explain where she might be coming from, he got upset saying I was taking her side and I didn't understand b/c my sister's kids will be there, no question.
I don't know how to handle this.. Of course I want the boys there as much as he does, but I don't want to guilt her into having them there if that's not what she wants to do.
May 2013 - January - Cake Inspiration!