Moms and Maids

Dueling Bridesmaids

True Story, anyone got a couple of banjos here to start going...

2 of my bridesmaids are going through a major duel right now, and I really don't know how to handle it.

Both of these girls have been very close friends of mine for years, one since my divorce, and one since high school...all three of us are very close and were very tight...

However, over Labor Day weekend, when my FI and I were in Kentucky (1000 miles away) visiting my family and introducing him to the majority of my family (which went amazing and I'm sooooo happy about that) something happened, I'm not even sure what happened, all i know is one girl called out the other girl's boss due to catching him having an affair or lying or something (they were all pretty good friends), and somehow he got arrested (Nothing to do with the situation he had a contempt of court warrant for non payment) and somehow the bridesmaid that worked for him, decided it was the other maid who got him arrested, and got a no contact order against her....

I'm thinking there is something more going on here I don't know, and they don't want to tell, cause from what I understand the boss was arrested in a traffic stop and had nothing to do with either girl...the other girl quit her job with that boss due to dishonesty, not getting paid, and checks bouncing when she did get a check.  So he's kinda out of the picture...(told ya things hit the fan), but i'm getting the feeling i'm not getting the whole story, something else had to have happened for cops to be called over...

Now, we just picked out our bridesmaid dresses and really going hardcore into planning and bonding as bridesmaids...and they can't have any contact with eachother, which is putting a lot of stress on all of us a group.  Let alone if this doesn't get worked out, how are they going to be able to be in the same room together for the wedding...I love both girls like sisters, and I can't picture having to kick either one of them out due to this, its just not fair, but the drama is rediculous and I don't know how to approach this on either one of them...Any suggestions at all...right now if it wasn't for my MOH and FI I'd prolly be going nuts...lots of stress in my place right now...just wedding, organizations we belong to and changes at work, i could be flying off the handle too
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Re: Dueling Bridesmaids

  • edited December 2011

    That's tough, but don't kick either of them out.  Just make it clear that everyone  involved in the wedding is an adult and that they should act accordingly in relation to anything having to do with the wedding they commited themselves to be apart of.  Let it be known if anyone feels as if the environment for them is no longer enjoyable they may remove themselves from the situation, however, do not require this of them.  Let these girls make their own decisions.

    All in all, if I were in this situation I would make it clear I expected my adult bridemaids to act like adults and keep their petty indifferences away from me because in general it is inconsiderate and disrespectful to subject other people to a hostile environment in which they are not directly involved. This goes whether or not they were my bridemaids-just friendship in general.

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  • BeeBee22BeeBee22 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    First of all, this 'hardcore' planning and bonding is optional.  All your BMs need to do is show up on the day in the appropriate dress.  In the case of these two, that may be the best way to go.

    That being said, what exactly is this 'no contact order' and when does it expire? Is it against your BM, or her ex-boss?  If BM1 took it out against BM2, but nothing heinous actually happened between them, this is how I would proceed: 

    Try to deal with the practical elements and leave the emotional part out if it, because as PP says, they need to behave like adults and keep their petty bs to themselves. If they literally can't have any contact, (due to the order) and it's still in effect on your wedding day, then the one who set it up will have to withdraw from the wedding.  It was her choice to instigate it, and she is responsible for the consequences.

    If it will expire before the wedding, you can work around it. The one who got the order will simply be left out of any group stuff you guys do.  Again, it was her choice to instigate it, so she has to take responsibility.

    If I misunderstood, and the order is against the ex-boss, then they need to suck it up and behave themselves.  You should sit them down and read them the riot act if you're all going to be spending time together... not in a "you're ruining my wedding" way because that would be zilla-ish and bratty, but in a "we're all friends and this is out of hand" way.  Because it's true.
  • SSaltzman87SSaltzman87 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Keep yourself out of this. They need to work it out. Getting involved will only make it more complicated since you had NO part in it in the first place.


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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_dueling-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:f93b2fd2-540a-485d-a645-ef097dbcea7ePost:8b579577-de02-4b98-9fd5-3a738226b49a">Re: Dueling Bridesmaids</a>:
    [QUOTE]First of all, this 'hardcore' planning and bonding is optional.  All your BMs need to do is show up on the day in the appropriate dress..... If they literally can't have any contact, (due to the order) and it's still in effect on your wedding day, then the one who set it up will have to withdraw from the wedding.  It was her choice to instigate it, and she is responsible for the consequences. If it will expire before the wedding, you can work around it. The one who got the order will simply be left out of any group stuff you guys do.  Again, it was her choice to instigate it, so she has to take responsibility.
    Posted by BeeBee22[/QUOTE]

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  • tlbattagliatlbattaglia member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'd express to each of them that this is a difficult situation for you, and hopefully they can figure something out on there own. 
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  • Kristin789Kristin789 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    1.  The MOH is the coordinator of the BMs.  Turn this entire issue over to your MOH.  This is not something you should be dealing with - the bride has many other things to do.

    2.  Your wedding isn't for EIGHT MONTHS.  That's plenty of time for things to work out or settle down or whatever.
  • edited December 2011
    I agree that you should ask your maid of honor to talk to the girls about growing up and "fake it till they make it" for YOUR wedding day. If your MOH doesn't know the two girls well, ask someone who knows both of them, someone who they both respect.
    The only thing you should be worrying about is colors and caterers, not restraining orders, and there is nothing wrong with you pretending to be oblivious to all of this. It's not your problem, it's theirs, and if they really love you and want to support you, they'll put on a happy face.
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  • mysticlmysticl member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry but I disagree Kristen and Kylesgurl.  The MOH is not responsible for the behavior the other bridesmaids, none of this is her problem and she should not have anything to do with it.  As for the bride she does need to worry about this if there is a court order in place that affects the ability of the bridesmaids to be at the wedding.  I don't think she wants the cops showing up at her wedding because BM1 called them on BM2 for violating the order.  BeeBee22 probably has the best advice about the order.  The big question is can they actually work anything out?  I have doubts about that considering there is a court order involved. 


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