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runpipparun · June 2012

Um, wow. Whom do the children who CAN attend belong to, and how old are they? And whom do the children who cannot attend belong to, and how old are they?

I'm under the impression that you are supposed to draw a clear line, such as an age line (over age ___ can attend) or a family line (only nieces and nephews) or a WP line (only flower girl and ring bearer).

Have you thought about how you will explain this at the reception, should you be asked about it?

aragx6 · June 2012

You should never write Adults Only on the invitation, that's rude in and of itself. but it seems doubly bad that there actually are children who are allowed. Inviting only some is fine, but this way just seems ripe for issues and hurt feelings.

GuebaraGirl · June 2012

I think you should keep it adults only if you specified adults only. Think of it this way, what if you specified "black tie" and then called up some people and told them they could wear jeans. You would have two very different parties clashing together. Those parents that honor your request will feel annoyed by those that didn't (regardless of whether you verbally invited those kids or not) and the parents who might be excited by a kid-free night out will now feel burdened by having to take care of their children while the kid-less parents are dancing and drinking the night away. If you set a "rule" for your wedding, just keep it, because ultimately, less feelings will be hurt and you'lll have fewer regrets.

AbbeyS2011 · June 2012

Even the most "well-behaved child" can have a bad day. Fact of life.

I think if you have a cutoff age,(13 and under not invited), that is fine, but saying John and Mary's kids are welcome because they are behaved, but Jack and Jill have the brats from hell, so they have to stay home will not go over well, especially if they are in the same age group, KWIM?

RebeccaB88 · June 2012

Either it's adults only or it's not. Your wedding is not adults only if you invited some kids.

So, you just lied to some of your wedding guests, and they will find out at the wedding, and they will want to know why. So, you'll either have to make up some excuse (lie to them again) or tell them that their kids are such huge brats that they aren't welcome.

Come back and let us know how that went for you.

welches79 · June 2012

Mean? No. Rude? Yes. I understand not wanting someone's children if those children tend toward chaos, but you will have a lot of pissed off guests when they see children there after they had been told this was a child-free event.

When you choose a limit, it should be something definate, like only nieces and nephews, only first cousins, only children over the age of 10, etc... Besides, even "good" kids can have moments of bad behavior. You can't predict with 100% certainity how any child will behave on your wedding day. You'll have to pick your battle on this one.

Option A: A completely child-free wedding. You risk a couple of people trying to RVSP with their children, and having to explain that due to budget/space, you can't accomodate children. There may also be a few who will say that if their children can't come, they can't either.

Option B: Do it your way, and only invite certain children in person. Then as they find out that some children are invited, they call you raising hell. Or they spread word through the family about how angry they are. Or they find out the day of the wedding that there are indeed children at this so-called child-free event, and they leave angry. Or start trouble the day of your wedding. Or, or, or... Get the point?

mcskatcat · June 2012

So, if the parents of the ill-behaved children ask you why they aren't invited and so&so's kids were, what will you say? Because that question will almost certainly come up.

QueerFemme · June 2012

It was a mistake to print it on the invite. If you can afford to redo them on vistaprint or something, you should do that.

If you have a few kids running around (such as, those in your bridal party), that would be one thing. But, if you have a bunch of kids, there are going to be some very upset parents. 4-5 kids... ok, a parent might not be pissy. But, 10-20? The parents who didn't get to bring their kids are gonna be pissed.

eirwyn · June 2012

This is going to be a train wreck. When people show up and see other kids there, it's going to cause some serious resentment. What are you going to say if they ask, "Why couldn't my kids come?"

aragx6 · June 2012

Nice DD! You've now done two rude things that we know of!

QueerFemme · June 2012

why... oh why.... do people delete their posts when they were already quoted???

futuremrsbruno · June 2012

The problem you are going to run into with this probably won't be with your friends. I have never been offended by a wedding where only the family's kids were invited.

You are however, going to impress your new in-laws real well by not inviting children in their family, but inviting the ones in your own. If you make the decision to invite kids that are family, you can't disclude half the family!

SKPM · June 2012

When I was about ten, my family was invited to my older male cousin's wedding. I was stoked because that meant a plane ride, hotel stay, and a new dress for me. A few weeks later, my cousin called my dad and really sheepishly told him that us kids couldn't come because there were some poorly-behaved children on his fiancee's side of the family. I could tell that my cousin felt horribly about it, but understood that they didn't want to cause even worse drama by having some kids but not others (or having the misbehaving ones around too). Sounds like you need to make similar phone calls in order to save face with your FI's family.

jujub423 · June 2012

What do you all think of only inviting children of out of state guests? Just went to a wedding where the bride and groom did so. I would say the youngest was probably 3, and the oldest, 17 (so not technically a kid I guess).

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