Paying for gm rentals, but not for bm dresses?

andra loves andre · July 2012

I've been using a website to book wedding deals that gives you 3% of what you bought back in credit for future purchases. Anyways, they have a sale now for tux rentals, and we'd basically be able to get them for 50% off if we cash in our credits (amount left to pay would be $50-60ish per tux, and we need 4 tuxes for the gm and 3 for the ushers).

If we tell the gm that we'll be paying for half their tuxes, do you think the bridesmaids will also expect us to pay for half of their dresses? I'm kinda dreading this because I suspect that the dresses will cost more than $100 (my friends tend to have expensive tastes, whereas I honestly don't really care about the bm dresses- as long as it's purple and floor-length), so our costs would be quite something.

Some friends have recommended that we "gift" the tux rental to the guys, but we've already bought gifts for the guys (some nice buttons for their shirt sleeves), and we've also bought the girls gifts (white-gold plated earrings with swarovski crystals).

What would you do in this situation?

LDubHawksFan · July 2012

You are still pretty far out. I'm just at 3 months and just finally got FI to start thinking about his wardrobe. If the deal would last all the way til next year, sure do it. I jprobably wouldn't tell the girls about it and find out what their budget is when it's time to start looking at dresses, and maybe help with the costs. I was actually really surprised how much Tuxes are. We went to one place, and they will be significantly more than my BM dresses (they cost $140). But really, I think you are thinking about this really early.

aerinpegadrak · July 2012

I don't think any of our attendants know what any of the other attendants paid, or what we contributed, for their attire. I suppose they might have talked to each other about it at some point, but we certainly weren't telling them.

andra loves andre · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_paying-for-gm-rentals-but-not-for-bm-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:b87c9e72-c12d-4dd5-b256-f9e9e5dbaa3ePost:bdef6cc0-d0b2-4c00-83f0-ae3887207cd9">Re: Paying for gm rentals, but not for bm dresses?</a>:
[QUOTE]You are still pretty far out. I'm just at 3 months and just finally got FI to start thinking about his wardrobe. If the deal would last all the way til next year, sure do it. I jprobably wouldn't tell the girls about it and find out what their budget is when it's time to start looking at dresses, and maybe help with the costs. I was actually really surprised how much Tuxes are. We went to one place, and they will be significantly more than my BM dresses (they cost $140). But really, I think you are thinking about this really early.
Posted by lwoehlk[/QUOTE]

<div>The thing is, on this site, the deals only last until a certain date, then are no longer offered. But, if you buy the deal (in this case, the tuxes) they don't expire. So we were hoping to buy them now and use them later, when it came to that point. But we don't want to buy them if it'll cause drama, since the bm and gm are dating and would know what their partner paid.</div>

andra loves andre · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_paying-for-gm-rentals-but-not-for-bm-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:b87c9e72-c12d-4dd5-b256-f9e9e5dbaa3ePost:b15eed15-0906-4459-bb3f-b2d5270a35ca">Re: Paying for gm rentals, but not for bm dresses?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think any of our attendants know what any of the other attendants paid, or what we contributed, for their attire. I suppose they might have talked to each other about it at some point, but we certainly weren't telling them.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

<div>So you don't think it'll be an issue? I'm not sure if this is a complication, but for us, most of our gm and bm (except for our moh and bm) are couples, so they would know what the other paid. Hopefully they'll just see it as a bonus that isn't coming out of their joint pockets? ;)</div>

Kate61487 · July 2012

I wouldn't think it would cause too much drama - it seems more like you're shopping around and found them a deal rather than paying for half (since you're paying in credits and not actual cash). And it sounds like you're not setting significant restrictions on the dresses so they could end up being that price range too.

We paid $20 for each of our GMs tuxes b/c that was the fee to reserve them, that way they just paid the balance when they picked it up instead of having to pay part when they got fitted. None of our BM and GM were couples, but it didn't cause any drama...

LDubHawksFan · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_paying-for-gm-rentals-but-not-for-bm-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:b87c9e72-c12d-4dd5-b256-f9e9e5dbaa3ePost:c65a1cb4-3532-46c2-b751-60caad6cc421">Re: Paying for gm rentals, but not for bm dresses?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Paying for gm rentals, but not for bm dresses? : The thing is, on this site, the deals only last until a certain date, then are no longer offered. But, if you buy the deal (in this case, the tuxes) they don't expire. So we were hoping to buy them now and use them later, when it came to that point. But we don't want to buy them if it'll cause drama, since the bm and gm are dating and would know what their partner paid.
Posted by andra loves andre[/QUOTE]

I don't think it's a problem. Snag the deal then if you are sure you want to go with that tux place. Our GM don't know how much the dresses are and vice versa. Now you said there is a couple so they will obviously know, but I think if you go through the correct protocol of asking the girls for their budgets first and staying within them, they wouldn't get mad that the men had to pay less. Like I said, until this weekend, I always assumed the men's attire was far less than what I've always paid for BM dresses.

AurorasEnvy · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_paying-for-gm-rentals-but-not-for-bm-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:b87c9e72-c12d-4dd5-b256-f9e9e5dbaa3ePost:6e09a321-e633-459d-88b9-e0eda26a93e2">Re:Paying for gm rentals, but not for bm dresses?</a>:
[QUOTE]If you were literally PAYING for them out of pocket, I'd say it was unfair, especially since BMs tend to spend more on weddings than GMs if showers are involved. However, all you're doing in this case is scoring them a better deal. That is no different to me than finding a BM dress on clearance.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree with this.</div>

mcskatcat · July 2012

How many BMs do you have and what's your overall budget? If you have a $10k wedding, say, and five BMs, then it really wouldn't be that hard to fit in $400-500 for dresses (I say that because it's what I did....) I would also look at it from the POV of what else could you cut down or trim to pay for the BM dresses.

If not, I don't see why you couldn't snag the deal and have th GMs pay you back. They'll be glad it isn't ridiculous. Wasn't it on here this past week that someone was in a wedding where the tuxes were $275 for rental? They'll be glad if it isn't much coin either way.

msuprincess04 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_paying-for-gm-rentals-but-not-for-bm-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:b87c9e72-c12d-4dd5-b256-f9e9e5dbaa3ePost:c9d19b2c-771f-49a2-8f9f-1c18bd62aca2">Paying for gm rentals, but not for bm dresses?</a>:
[QUOTE]Some friends have recommended that we "gift" the tux rental to the guys, but we've already bought gifts for the guys (some nice buttons for their shirt sleeves), and we've also bought the girls gifts (white-gold plated earrings with swarovski crystals). What would you do in this situation?
Posted by andra loves andre[/QUOTE]

As an asside, your BM and GM gifts should not be things required for the wedding. I know it doesn't say that they are, but I'm just throwing that out there.

Mrs.B6302007 · July 2012

[QUOTE]<strong> If we tell the gm that we'll be paying for half their tuxes, do you think the bridesmaids will also expect us to pay for half of their dresses?</strong> I'm kinda dreading this because I suspect that the dresses will cost more than $100 (my friends tend to have expensive tastes, whereas I honestly don't really care about the bm dresses- as long as it's purple and floor-length), so our costs would be quite something.[/QUOTE]

Rather than saying you're paying for half, figure out the actual dollar amount that you're paying towards the tuxes. Then you could offer that same dollar amount towards the girls' dresses.

mcskatcat · July 2012

Yet another q, you said you're paying for half the GM tuxes? Does that mean $30 (half off the 60) or you just aren't telling them there's a discount because they will only be paying half off?

Bottom line: either pay for everybody's or put the same amount towards each person's wedding attire, or don't pay for it at all. But yes, I would say it needs to be fair.

ETA: Okay, I reread the first part about using your credits to get them half-off. I still stand by what I said above. If you are paying for any part of the GMs, even if it's using credits like that, then I think you should be paying part of the BMs as well.

stephie25 · July 2012

Honestly? I was a MOH in my friends wedding, and found out after the wedding that they had purchased all the suits for the GMs... and we got tote bags. I really couldn't say anything about it, but I was really annoyed. Especially now that I know how much those suits cost from buying our own.

I'd either buy everyone's or buy the credit and use it to buy the suits and tell the GMs they owe you X amount for them.

Paying for gm rentals, but not for bm dresses?

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