No Show Parents!!!

ashleypigletmom · April 2010

Not really sure where to even start my wedding is in May, and my parents are not coming. They gave me a response of catch up some other time. Of course I am very hurt by this but I am wondering how to handle questions on where they are during things (receiving lines, reception, etc)? Everyone I have had to explain this too from tuxedo shop to photographer has not known what to say too me.

I guess I just need some advice on what a appropriate response might be?

ashleypigletmom · April 2010

They aren't very social,and they just don't feel up to the reception and socializing aspect was thier main reason.
So than I offered the option of skipping the reception and than it was just 1 excuse after another(each one I offered a solution for)...my mother hasnt been happy about any of the process,and has not contributed in any way.
I am just completely baffled,noone has ever heard of the brides parents not showing?

BrideofBigSur · April 2010

It sounds like there is an underlying reason. Do your parents get along with your FI and his family? It sounds like even asking them directly isn't getting you honest answers. Do you have any siblings or aunts/uncles who could shed some light on this for you? Usually that's how I find out my parents are displeased about something, through my brothers.

jagore08 · April 2010

Wow, I don't even know what to say.

Catwoman708 · April 2010

I don't know what to tell you either, and it's hard to say without knowing more of your history with your parents and the rest of your family.

I've only been to a few weddings where parents were not in attendance. Usually because they could not travel due to distance, finances, or health problems. My own DH's family did not attend our wedding, because he never invited them. He was the step-child, was estranged from them at the time, it was his 3rd marriage, and they lived a long distance away, so they would not have attended anyway. He chose to save himself the potential grief/disappointment.

Your parents absence will be noticed. If they are the only ones in your close family not attending, then I think it's a poor reflection on them, not you, and you should go ahead with your plans whether they attend or not.

But if other of your close family members and friends are also "boycotting" or making excuses not to attend your wedding, then it's a poor reflection on you and/or your FI.

Will they have to travel to your wedding? If so, could they be having financial difficulties, or health problems you may not be aware of?

Do they disapprove of your relationship, your FI, your circumstances, his family, or does one of you have a history of previous failed relationships?

You mentioned your mother was not happy about something to do with the planning of the wedding. Maybe she wanted to be more involved, have a greater say in things, and feels shut out or disapproves of your decisions. It's sad, and unfair, but this happens sometimes. Does she normally make everything "all about her", act controlling or manipulative, or overly sensitive?

These are all things to consider. I'd suggest you just don't mention it. If someone asks, tell them your parents "don't feel up to attending" they "won't be able to attend", or "they have some issues I cannot discuss".

psichick · April 2010

seriously they aren't "up to socializing" and their daughter's wedding? i call major bs on that one. there's something else going on.

2dBride · April 2010

My parents did not show up for my sister's wedding. Their excuse was that it would be more "efficient" for them to spend the money traveling another time, when there weren't so many people around.

We didn't even try to make excuses for them. When asked anything about why they weren't there, etc., we just said, "Yes, we're so sorry they couldn't make it." We just repeated, they couldn't make it," until people figured out they weren't going to get an answer.

Whibley · April 2010

I am getting married in a week, and I too have "No Show" parents. It hurts, but have decided to let them deal with the guilt. I have (and would suggest) making your close friends and Wedding party aware of the situation, so they can "deflect". I have cried all the tears I can, and am allowing those close to me to deflect all the questions/any questions; so I don't have to hear about it on the day. I simply let about 10 people know the situation, and they are there to "change the subject."

There is absolutely no excuses, they know and like my fiance; they just "don't travel" and have proven over my life that they are selfish people.

We, are not! Enjoy yourself, as I will; and again, let them deal with the guilt. My brother is walking me down the aisle, and I am eternally indebted to him.

Cheers!

Leah in Canada

April 18th, 2010 Bellagio, Las Vegas

ashleypigletmom · April 2010

where to start...BrideofBigSur ,they have only met his family once in the last 6 years,and sadly I am an only child so there is really no sibling to shed light on it for me...I asked my one aunt that is close to them and she didn't know.
Catwoman708 ,they have never been extremely close or supportive and they are the only ones family wise not attending.I had thought maybe it was finacial,but every solution I had was shot down...my mother is a very "all me" person,so I think alot of it was the lack of attention.But I had tried to involve her in the planning,and she wanted no part of it,and would not even return messages if it had to do with the wedding.First marriage for us both,and we have been together for over 10+ years.
I too call bs on the socializing aspect,,and really don't plan on making any excuses for thier behavior.
I filled in my MOH,and groomsmen so they can try to handle any ?s that may arrise.
Thanks for all the great posts;)

No Show Parents!!!

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