Question/vent...

Shellywid · August 2012

Good evening E,

we just got an invite to a friends wedding and I need to vent...
they are having the ceremony at 11am and reception at 5pm
Fi is a GM so they told him he needs to be there at 8:30am
the wedding id about 45 min away from our city so it is not close enough to go back an forth between home and the wedding and getting a hotel room is going to be hard as it is one month before our wedding and we are trying to save as much money.

What would you do if you were in my shoes?
There are 2.5 hours before the ceremony and almost 5 hours between the ceremony and reception which FI will be spending with the WP and I only know one other guest

Summer2011Bride · August 2012

That really sucks. If I was you I would not want to get there with FI at 8:30. So I guess the best option if you want to attend is drive solo and get there at 11. I would be tempted to drive home and back after; I know it's wasting gas, but what else will you do? Is it a city where there's a mall or bookstore you could hang out at?

This really sucks. I would be ticked, and I'm sure their other guests aren't happy either. This is probably the biggest gap I've ever seen.

ETA: If the ceremony ends around 11:30, you could be back home by 12:15 and you wouldn't need to leave again until 4:15. That's four hours at home. While it's a waste of gas, I think it'd be worth it for me.

DramaGeek · August 2012

If it were me, I would drive separately to the ceremony and not attend the reception.

AdeleDazeem · August 2012

I'd see everyone at the reception.

The bride and groom are a little rude and quite delusional about their scheduling here.

Something tells me that if you asked about the gap of death, they'd say it was because they want time to get all their pictures in all the fabulous places they've decided are necessary and who cares about the guests.

Shellywid · August 2012

Thanks Summer, I think that I'm more pissy about this because FI"s Tux or this wedding is almost $250 add the BP and travel and it gets to be a lot of $$$
the only problem with driving solo is that FI will need to either not drink or get a hotel room...

willywally5 · August 2012

That is just so long of a gap. I mean, any gap is rude but this is crazy.

Where is everyone else going to go during this huge gap? Can you go wherever they go or do you not really know anyone else?

AdeleDazeem · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_questionvent-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:94db2a0b-0376-4bce-a4b7-126dd0e7537dPost:c8aa0711-43af-4fda-9bc0-1316aed338f0">Re: Question/vent...</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks Summer, I think that I'm more pissy about this because FI"s Tux or this wedding is almost $250 add the BP and travel and it gets to be a lot of $$$ the only problem with driving solo is that FI will need to either not drink or get a hotel room...
Posted by Shellywid[/QUOTE]

He's going to be there the whole day. He can certainly drink earlier and then stop in enough time to drive home. Lots of people can drink responsibly.

PrincessJas · August 2012

I would take a book and find a coffee shop (with free refills). Or, as PPs have said, find a mall.

MyUserName1 · August 2012

I'd skip the ceremony. And think poorly of the entitled B&G.

mmmendi · August 2012

I think the book is a great idea - is there a place close by yo can pamper yourself with a pedicure or something?

Shellywid · August 2012

Thank you everyone for all the ideas - it is good to know i'm not out of line thinking this is rude of the B&G

I'm toying with the idea of finding the ugliest vase that was ever created as a gift :P

LeiselEB · August 2012

I'd skip the ceremony, too. Or drive home in between. That's a ridiculous gap.

TheSlowskys · August 2012

Does anyone live near you who can drive FI in the am that way you only have one car there? Or can he crash at a gm house the night before? Either way, I don't think 45 mins is that bad of a drive and I would prefer to do that over hang out for 5 hours. I've been to many weddings that are at noon, with the reception at five, however they've all been close to home or I've had a hotel. If you dont go home and have to kill time I would bring a comfy change of clothes. maybe go see a movie. I've heard dark night is good and its really long!

MyNameIsNot · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_questionvent-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:94db2a0b-0376-4bce-a4b7-126dd0e7537dPost:fd8d94a6-545a-4fa8-8c6f-9b43506c0729">Re: Question/vent...</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you everyone for all the ideas - it is good to know i'm not out of line thinking this is rude of the B&G <strong>I'm toying with the idea of finding the ugliest vase that was ever created as a gift :P</strong>
Posted by Shellywid[/QUOTE]

<div>You could spend the money you would have spent on a gift on a totally unnecessary hotel room and just not get a gift.</div><div>
</div><div>Honestly, I would send my H solo and just do something else that day. If I did go, I would choose ceremony or reception and try to find my H a ride one way to avoid wasting the gas. </div>

willywally5 · August 2012

I vote for skipping the ceremony. Catch up with 'em at the reception.

emeejeeayen · August 2012

Drop your H at the ceremony site at 8:30am, drive home and chill, then go to the reception. Then there's only one car. (Though, I live in a place where it's 100% normal to drive 45 minutes to get anywhere, so I don't know if that affects my feelings).

Cortney1982 · August 2012

Hope they are prepared for a lot of their guests to skip out on the ceremony. Why does you FI need to be there 2.5 hours before the ceremony? Just seems like this whole thing is a major photo op.

DramaGeek · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_questionvent-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:94db2a0b-0376-4bce-a4b7-126dd0e7537dPost:24923ea9-4370-4f6f-9952-4610d8e36031">Re: Question/vent...</a>:
[QUOTE]Hope they are prepared for a lot of their guests to skip out on the ceremony. Why does you FI need to be there 2.5 hours before the ceremony? Just seems like this whole thing is a major photo op.
Posted by Cortney1982[/QUOTE]

<div>Our WP had to be at our wedding 3.5 hours pre-ceremony for photos. Granted, we didn't have a gap, but I'm going to guess that theirs is the dreaded "Catholic Gap" (which I've actually never experienced - I don't think it exists here).</div>

hoffse · August 2012

This could certainly be the catholic gap. Most catholic churches have options for weddings at 11 am and 2 pm, and then reception venues typically don't open their doors until 5 or later (often). It sounds to me like the B&G were too late to get the 2 pm slot at their church and were unwilling to compromise their wedding date. We are having a gap for that reason, but we booked more than a year out to get the 2 pm slot so that the gap wasn't terribly long. We're also having a full mass, so the gap will be about 2 hours total (maybe a bit less). Our wedding is also in a tiny town where everybody's homes, hotels, etc are 15 min away from the church, and we're probably going to host something small at my parents' house or something after the ceremony for the few who are stranded with no hotels or homes to get to.

OP, every time I've been in your situation, I've just caught up on my reading and have chalked it up to church scheduling issues instead of the B&G having no consideration whatsoever. I'm going to be in a wedding with an 8-hr gap this fall (prob 6-7 hr gap for me since I'll be in pics), and that's what FI and I plan to do that day. I know the bride is stressing about her guests feeling like she was rude, but this was the one and only slot that very busy church had open over a month and a half period. Personally, I dislike it when people skip one event or the other, though with a gap that's nearly 5 hours long (assuming they have a full mass), I can't really blame guests in that circumstance. I would prefer guests to decline the whole thing altogether than to show up to only one thing. I know you can't decline since your FI is in the wedding party. So I'd just bring a book and try not to worry about it.

Shellywid · August 2012

Thank you again everyone,
It is indeed a catholic wedding, this will only be my 3rd wedding attended in the states so I was not sure if that is normal or not

kmmssg · August 2012

it is NOT normal. I'm hoping you come back after this wedding and let us know if the attendance at the reception was quite light. I did one big gapped Catholic wedding (been to many Catholic weddings without gaps) and I refuse to kill hours like that again for a wedding. I will go to one or the other, but the wedding you are talking about? No way would I attend both events.

Summer2011Bride · August 2012

Catholic or not, there is no need for that large of a gap. They could have done a brunch/lunch reception. I haven't heard of any banquet facility type place or a hotel with those facilities not opening their doors until 5. It's also not unheard of to do a brunch reception. They could have done something starting at 12. They just wanted an evening reception and thought that was more important than their guests' comfort it seems.

smartlypretty · August 2012

A gap is a gap but FIVE HOURS???? Honestly, if FI wanted to indulge all day I'd drop him off at 8:30, drive home, and then see everyone at the reception. A gap like that means that not very many people will be attending the ceremony. Even gaps of like 3 hours, you're going to get about 50% attendance.

divinemsbee · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_questionvent-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:94db2a0b-0376-4bce-a4b7-126dd0e7537dPost:47158387-c426-4c3c-93b5-b129dc92f78b">Re: Question/vent...</a>:
[QUOTE]Catholic or not, there is no need for that large of a gap. They could have done a brunch/lunch reception. I haven't heard of any banquet facility type place or a hotel with those facilities not opening their doors until 5. It's also not unheard of to do a brunch reception. They could have done something starting at 12. They just wanted an evening reception and thought that was more important than their guests' comfort it seems.
Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Yup. With the exception of that when I was looking for reception spaces I had to take off a lot of places that won't start a reception before 4:30 or 5 at the earliest. Very few rental venues in my hometown (hotels, museums, the zoo) would let you have the space before evening. So, I went out of my way to find somewhere that would allow us to have the space for the whole weekend, which allows us to start the reception right after our 2pm ceremony. I knew that a gap would not fly, especially because we don't have enough family there to host something in between (I'm actually fine with a smaller gap, 1-2 hours if I'm told to go to so-and-so's house and there will be some hosted food and drinks).</div><div>
</div><div>While my church only does one wedding per Saturday, if we were in this position, or had chosen to do it earlier we would have just had brunch. I love brunch. </div>

kmmssg · August 2012

oops - I meant to say I hope you come back and let us know if the attendance at the CEREMONY was light, not the reception. I'll bet you the bride will be stunned at how many people don't attend it.

loca4pook · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_questionvent-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:94db2a0b-0376-4bce-a4b7-126dd0e7537dPost:87bd4d04-273b-4167-89be-d03058963ba5">Re: Question/vent...</a>:
[QUOTE]I'd see everyone at the reception. The bride and groom are a little rude and quite delusional about their scheduling here. Something tells me that if you asked about the gap of death, they'd say it was because they want time to get all their pictures in all the fabulous places they've decided are necessary and who cares about the guests.
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

It coudl be a church thing. I know our church only does weddings at certain times which would have put a definite wrinkle in our scheduling. If we had gotten married on a Sat (we chose fri) we would have been forced to have our ceremony at 1pm which gives a huge gap had we wanted to have a traditional evening reception.

Please don'tt assume it's poor planning on the couple's part.. Sometimes there are certain requirements like the one I mentioned

jessicabessica · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_questionvent-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:94db2a0b-0376-4bce-a4b7-126dd0e7537dPost:3389b6b7-a5be-4ef8-a213-0225e4d30dbe">Re: Question/vent...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Question/vent... : It coudl be a church thing. I know our church only does weddings at certain times which would have put a definite wrinkle in our scheduling. If we had gotten married on a Sat (we chose fri) we would have been forced to have our ceremony at 1pm which gives a huge gap had we wanted to have a traditional evening reception. Please don'tt assume it's poor planning on the couple's part.. Sometimes there are certain requirements like the one I mentioned
Posted by loca4pook[/QUOTE]

<div>I get that some churches require you to get married at certain times, but it's not a requirement to have an evening reception. </div>

loca4pook · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_questionvent-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:94db2a0b-0376-4bce-a4b7-126dd0e7537dPost:d143921b-1ad2-4b19-889c-ebec923cbdae">Re: Question/vent...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Question/vent... : I get that some churches require you to get married at certain times, but it's not a requirement to have an evening reception.
Posted by jessicabessica[/QUOTE]

I get that, but I think most people enjoy having an evening wedding and I think it's reasonable to want to stick to your dream wedding. It's one day in your life, and I think a bride shouldn't have to sacrifice just because they are Catholic.

Also, I think people get used to it in the Catholic religion and aren't nearly as "put off" by it as those on this board. To be honest, many skip the ceremony anyway. The ceremony attendees tend to be the closest members to the bride/groom and I think would not be too worried about it.

To be honest, the OP just seems kinda resentful of the whole wedding anyhow..Sad, as I am sure she would feel hurt if someone was posting this about HER wedding on this board..

Sometimes, we just need to be inconvenienced for one day for our friends. It's sad that people are soo self-centered as not wanting to be inconvenienced for a friend but have no issue doing the same on our own wedding day..

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