Too young for the "perfect" engagement?

Sarah J · February 2010

So, you only get to do this engagement/wedding thing once, and I really want it to be the way I've always dreamed for the one time I get to do it. However, in all my dreams everyone was nothing but happy and excited for me and my betrothed. I'm a little worried that because we're on the younger side (average age is about 24) and haven't been dating for three years, everyone is going to be a little apprehensive or not treat this wedding like "the real thing".
My boyfriend and I are both 22. We've only been together for 5 moths, but we were absolutely crazy about each other for 3 years before that. (One of us was always dating someone else and we could never seem to get our timing right.) I'm a senior in college and refuse to have a ring on my finger before I have a diploma in my hand so we will have been dating for about 9 months before he actually pops the question. I will be starting med school after next year and won't have time to plan once I do so if we don't get engaed now we really won't be able to get married for the next 7 years. This way, we would have a two year engagement and be 24 when we get married.
He really is my prince charming, everything I've ever wanted in a life partner. Beliefs on religous ideals, parenting, finances etc. all match up and we get along with each other's families wonderfully.
Am I getting worked up over nothing? Could this still be the experience I've always dreamed off?

AdeleDazeem · February 2010

I think you are focusing a little too much on the theatrical proposal and not enough on what it actually symbolizes. He's asking you to be his wife. Who cares if it happens in bed one morning or on a sunset beach? Don't over think it.

I can't speak for your family and how they will feel. My parents would have felt it was a bit rushed, but would have been excited for me all the same. You will be a college graduate on your way to medical school = you're an adult.

And you can plan a wedding that isn't too involved if you don't want to wait or you can wait it out and have a big shabang. Or you can plan over time in med school. I know lots of people get married third or fourth year of medical school. I'm sure many people you're about to meet at school can offer you advice on this one.

andrea_bishop12 · February 2010

I do not think you are to young at all. you are almost through college and you are going into medical school i think you are plenty old enough to get married. Just plan your wedding over time. The more time you have to weigh your option and really get a feel for planning it the better it will be and the happier you will be with it. {wedding planners dont become good over night. the best ones are usually the ones that have planned a lot aka over time} that would potentially be a win win for all your situations. you would be older, family wouldnt think it was rushed, and you could make it exactly how you want it. I am in school right now and planning a wedding. I am actually planning two cause i dont really know what i truely want. the major hard stuff will get planned in the summer when there is no school. I hope every thing works out for you. Good luck.

krmabojo · February 2010

Unless you tell him verbatum what you want then you are not going to get exactly what you want proposal wise.

I think you are going to be happy however he proposes.

I agreee with you on waiting until you get a diploma. Get that paper first!

mwhitson14 · February 2010

Well I'm not really sure what you're asking here.

Are you thinking that you're too young to get an awesome proposal? We were 22 when my FI proposed and it was the sweetest most romantic thing ever (to me!) and it had nothing to do with our age.

Sarah J · February 2010

Okay, I think I may have given the wrong impression. My concern isn't the proposal itself, I'm sure that I will love however my boyfriend chooses to do it.

I'm more worried about the actual engagement/wedding experience. It seems to me that whenever people get engaged/married young, people tend not to make a big deal about it or treat it like the huge occassion it is. This is the only wedding I'm getting and I want it to be a big deal. I've been dreaming about this for a long time. I want people to squeal with excitement when I tell them I'm engaged, not say "Oh, really?!" with that thinly veiled note of you-must-not-be-serious-cause-you-are-way-too-young-to-really-know-what-you-want.

diamondx423 · February 2010

this has happened to a few of my friends, where people thought they were too young and rushing things. in fact half of them got the "are you pregnant" response instead of being congratulated. if people don't like it, too bad.

i'm in graduate school now and being engaged makes me feel much better knowing that i have a built in support system, it'll probably be the same for you in medical school.

don't stress about what other people think, you can't make everyone happy.

salt78 · February 2010

I think you are making way too much out of this. If you set yourself up for an engagement like this, you are likely to be sorely disappointed. Why not just let things happen the way they are going to happen?

PS. I tend to think that 5 months of knowing each other is way too soon to be engaged when you are only 22, but that's just my opinion. I don't care if you were madly in love for three years or not.

katanne9 · February 2010

Honestly, no. I would not be excited for you.

IMO, 5 months is way too short of a time to have been dating someone especially when you are only 22 years old. I would be very skeptical of your relationship and not be inclined to celebrate it the same way I would for a friend who I know to have a solid relationship, and 9 months is not enough time to know.

I'm not saying this isn't the right guy for you, but you should wait, enjoy your relationship and get engaged later down the road. Especially if you plan on having a 2 year engagement. If this is really the guy for you, wait another year and a half and be engaged for a year. See where that takes you.

In summary: There is a reason no one gets excited for young, premature engagements. Wait it out and enjoy your relationship.

jet2paris85 · February 2010

FI and I got engaged after dating for 9 months. However, I am 24 and he is 29. We met in an untraditional way- eHarmony yes, people were a little skeptical at first, but what matters is what YOU know to be true. You cannot let other people's opinions weigh you down because then you will never live. Everyone is now very excited for us and cannot wait to come to our wedding in 36 days. Just give people time. It seems like you will have a longer engagement. Mine was 5 months, although we started planning 3 months before that... : )

SarahPLiz · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_young-perfect-engagement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:eea62d73-be11-4976-b926-797cf96322e4Post:5df213f2-7a22-4c81-9483-caa90f945967">Re: Too young for the "perfect" engagement?</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay, I think I may have given the wrong impression. My concern isn't the proposal itself, I'm sure that I will love however my boyfriend chooses to do it. I'm more worried about the actual engagement/wedding experience. It seems to me that whenever people get engaged/married young, people tend not to make a big deal about it or treat it like the huge occassion it is. This is the only wedding I'm getting and I want it to be a big deal. I've been dreaming about this for a long time. I want people to squeal with excitement when I tell them I'm engaged, not say "Oh, really?!" with that thinly veiled note of you-must-not-be-serious-cause-you-are-way-too-young-to-really-know-what-you-want.
Posted by 520773312507405[/QUOTE]

YOu cannot control other's reactions, and you will ALWAYS be more excited about your wedding than other people, not matter how old you are. Your wedding is happening to you and your FI, not them. While they may be happy for you, their excitement will rightfully pale in comparison with yours.

You need to manage your expectations of this so-called experience. I suggest focusing on preparing for marriage more than planning a wedding. The marriage should last longer than the wedding.

SarahPLiz · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_young-perfect-engagement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:eea62d73-be11-4976-b926-797cf96322e4Post:de226310-7fee-4342-806a-48d597674136">Re: Too young for the "perfect" engagement?</a>:
[QUOTE]FI and I got engaged after dating for 9 months. However, I am 24 and he is 29. We met in an untraditional way- eHarmony yes, people were a little skeptical at first, but what matters is what YOU know to be true. You cannot let other people's opinions weigh you down because then you will never live. Everyone is now very excited for us and cannot wait to come to our wedding in 36 days. Just give people time. It seems like you will have a longer engagement. Mine was 5 months, although we started planning 3 months before that... : )
Posted by jet2paris85[/QUOTE]

FI and I met on E-Harmony too!

My sister and BIL got engaged after dating for 6 weeks. THey were married 2 weeks later. That was 12.5 years ago and they are still together and going strong. However, people were rightfully skeptical. They knew they would not get much support, but the did it anyway, because being married was more important than people "squee"ing at their wedding.

You can decide how long is long enough for you, but you can't tell others what to think or how to react.

jet2paris85 · February 2010

yay for us eHarmony brides : ) hehe

pandasquishy · February 2010

I didn't read everyone's responses, but we had a bit of a similar situation. We got engaged the summer before my Sr. Yr at college because he was going off to Med School. We set a wedding date for this past January because it was get married on that break from school, or wait seven years. There was no way in hell we were waiting seven years!

I'm hesitant to tell you that would work for you too because you've only been together for five months. We were together three years before he popped the question. But then you have your morals, ideals and finances lining up. Ultimately you know what's best for you.

You don't really get to dictate when you boyfriend proposes though, so just wait and be happy when it comes.

bajediva · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_young-perfect-engagement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:eea62d73-be11-4976-b926-797cf96322e4Post:5df213f2-7a22-4c81-9483-caa90f945967">Re: Too young for the "perfect" engagement?</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay, I think I may have given the wrong impression. My concern isn't the proposal itself, I'm sure that I will love however my boyfriend chooses to do it. I'm more worried about the actual engagement/wedding experience. It seems to me that whenever people get engaged/married young, people tend not to make a big deal about it or treat it like the huge occassion it is. This is the only wedding I'm getting and I want it to be a big deal. I've been dreaming about this for a long time. I want people to squeal with excitement when I tell them I'm engaged, not say "Oh, really?!" with that thinly veiled note of you-must-not-be-serious-cause-you-are-way-too-young-to-really-know-what-you-want.
Posted by 520773312507405[/QUOTE]

I don't think you're too young to know what you want. Age aside, I think you have no clue what you truly need. Period. You keep focussing on how the wedding is going to get you all the attention you ever dreamed of having, and what you'll be planning is a divorce, not a marriage. Engagement is NOT your ticket to personal validation.

If you truly will end up together, then consider that the rest of your lives have already started, and enjoy getting to know yourselves and each other better. Don't let life's circumstances (med school, etc) make you rush, and the fact that I think you're rushing has more to do with your improper focus than the fact you've been together 5 months.

amandajean36 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_young-perfect-engagement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:eea62d73-be11-4976-b926-797cf96322e4Post:74725fd5-15da-4d2e-a379-2f0e017a56df">Re: Too young for the "perfect" engagement?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Too young for the "perfect" engagement? : YOu cannot control other's reactions, and you will ALWAYS be more excited about your wedding than other people, not matter how old you are. Your wedding is happening to you and your FI, not them. While they may be happy for you, their excitement will rightfully pale in comparison with yours. You need to manage your expectations of this so-called experience. I suggest focusing on preparing for marriage more than planning a wedding. The marriage should last longer than the wedding.
Posted by SarahPLiz[/QUOTE]
this. exactly.

and i'd also like to add that if people aren't excited, i'm going to guess it has more to do with the fact that you've been dating for 5 months. you're not super young, but your relationship is. but i'm glad you're waiting til you've graduated from college.

EStar73 · February 2010

I got engaged at 21 after being with my FI for 5 months and 1 1/2 years away from my BA. Despite that my friends and family have been very supportive. After my parents got over the inital shock of my new boyfriend suddenly becoming my future husband they started planning my wedding and as soon as I announced to my friends that I was engaged I was flooded with texts, emails, wall posts and phone calls. I think the fact that I am planning on finishing my degree before my wedding has eased my parents worries. Also because I am young I am the first of my friends to get married so they are all just excited to know someone who will invite them to a wedding, lol. I don't know how it would be different if I were older or we had been together longer but honestly I wouldn't change a thing, after all I get to be engaged to the love of my life!

kimheartsscott · February 2010

I don't think age has to do with it so much as how long you two have been together. 5 months really is not long at all. My fiance and I were 19 when he proposed, but we had been together since he was 12 and I was 13.

I'm really not sure what exactly you're asking, but I wouldn't have a whole lot of confidence in your engagement if I were your friend.

pinkpinot · February 2010

You mentioned getting along wonderfully with each other's families so that makes me think they would be happy & excited for you both. Just remember your engagement/wedding are only important to you & your FI. Not everyone will care about every little detail, every aspect of planning etc.

cellarius · February 2010

i agree don't over think it. don't worry about having a specific proposal. just think however it happens, it will be perfect because the person you love is asking you to be with them forever. i definitely don't think you're too young.. [ i'm 23 fi is 25 ] however that is a very very short time dating.. so just because of that i can see why your family would be hesitant.. even if you've known someone for years before you usually don't know all you should know before you get married. my FI and i have known each other for 9 years. so while i definitely can understand the perfect timing, & while those 9 years of being friends & dating off & on are wonderful they probably don't equal the 2.5 years of us seriously dating & living together. it's just a different level of closeness & knowing that i definitely think should be attained before marriage. plus we're waiting almost 2 years to get married. [fall/winter '11]

7 years is a long time but not in the scheme of forever!lol i wouldn't really want to wait that long either. i think 2 years is a perfectly acceptable engagement time.. but it's still short when you've only been dating a few months.. but hey good luck it works for some people!! =]

ToddsBride11 · February 2010

Age will never dictate maturity. I know plenty of couples who have been married at on older age and have known each other even longer but are very, very immature. Everyone has a different age that they reach a level of maturity. If you and your FI have reached the age of maturity that will allow you to take care of each other emotionally and financially then people should be wishing you all the best. No one has a right to tell you you are too young if you are able to take care of yourselves. Focus on your FI instead of the party poopers! Congrats!

Allready there · February 2010

Okay... In NO WAY are you to young and in no way do you have to worry about are you doing the right thing! IF YOU KNOW he's the one then by far just run with it! I'm 18 yo myself and got engaged at 17! I'm perfectly happy and Am having to plan my wedding around my 6mth Academy and Job as a Deputy... I wont have alot of time to plan but thats why I'm getting it out of the way now, I figured that in my 2 1/2 year engagement thats plenty of time! So NO Your not to young! And if this is the guy that you think is the one then YES Do it you wont regret it! Follow your heart and don't let ANYONE tell you anything different than what you and your future FI Feel!

tiffanyraven · February 2010

I don't think your age really has anything to do with it. However, I would advise you to wait a little longer than 5 months. If you plan on being engaged for 2 or so years... why not just wait those two years? You'd be surprised how the 1 year mark changes things for young couples. Most of my past relationships always ended at the 1 year point. If you love him, go for it. But just take your time and let things unfold as they should.

BioGirl21 · February 2010

When FI and I got engaged, FFIL told FI on the phone that "if (me) plans a wedding for a time when you're still in school, I'll kill her" Well, we're still in school and we're getting married in 2.5 months. Don't let what others will think effect what you really want. We're both 23, so we're "young" but we both know what we want and that is to get married. Most everyone else is excited for us and we're excited to.

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