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MIL

tamaraandgarretttamaraandgarrett
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in Wedding Woes
Okay, I am not usually one to complain about much but when speaking with my future mother in-law (MIL) just the day after our engagement I got so mad/frustrated I can't help but vent. I mentioned that we were looking at a December wedding and he response was that we should wait 4 years so my fiance can stay on their insurance. When I informed her that because of health care reform we will be able to stay on our parents insurance even married she retored with "What if we get a new president this year, they might repeal the changes." WTH woman! Am I supposed to wait until every single what if works itself out? No, because we would be waiting all day. Guess she will find out I won't be changing my mind when I mail the save the dates!
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Re: MIL

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    zsazsa-stlzsazsa-stl member
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    Who is a friend to marriage now, Santorum?!?!
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    I just a friendly gal looking for options.

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    WzzWzz member
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    is anyone in this story over the age of 21, besides MIL?
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    PMeg819PMeg819 member
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    Why can't one of you just get a job with benefits or pay for your own health care insurance? And please spare me the "I can't because xxx" excuses. If you are an adult to get married, you are an adult to get your own damn healthcare.
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    NOLABridesmaidNOLABridesmaid member
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    Me thinks mama is pulling straws:

    By any means necessary.




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    *Barbie**Barbie* member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_mil-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:9379a3a7-1368-475d-b8f6-ccb5e5652df5Post:cb2342b7-3208-40f3-bd22-2aeab2df6190">Re: MIL</a>:
    [QUOTE]Why can't one of you just get a job with benefits or pay for your own health care insurance? And please spare me the "I can't because xxx" excuses.<strong> If you are an adult to get married, you are an adult to get your own damn healthcare.
    </strong>Posted by PMeg819[/QUOTE]

    ^^^ i2i with Pmeg.
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    tamaraandgarretttamaraandgarrett
    First Comment
    Oh, I graduate college right before our wedding with a degree in Education and I will go straight to looking for a teaching job but with the economy it might not happen immediatley. It is just to be safe to make sure we are covered until I find my job. Don't worry, I won't be sitting around waiting til I'm 26 to find a good job.
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    tamaraandgarretttamaraandgarrett
    First Comment
    Oh, I graduate college right before our wedding with a degree in Education and I will go straight to looking for a teaching job but with the economy it might not happen immediatley. It is just to be safe to make sure we are covered until I find my job. Don't worry, I won't be sitting around waiting til I'm 26 to find a good job.
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    tamaraandgarretttamaraandgarrett
    First Comment
    Yes, my fiance is 22 and I will turn 21 in August. But, that really isn't the point. Yes, I am young but I will be out of college when we get married, just waiting for that first job offer. Teachers get good benefits but finding jobs in the field of education is very hard esp with budget cuts!
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    WzzWzz member
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    what is your FI doing to make sure you are both covered by health insurance when you are married? i see you wrote that you are in college and will be looking for a job when you graduate. what is his story?
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    WzzWzz member
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    as a teacher, you aren't planning to continue your education beyond a bachelor's degree? i thought for sure you had to continue your education after you finish as an undergraduate, and you can get health coverage through your university.
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    tamaraandgarretttamaraandgarrett
    First Comment
    He is in school too, just behind me so he won't have graduated by the time we get married. His degree did not have a "fast track" like my degree did, the courses were very limited. I know he will work to help pay the bills but it probably won't be a job with benefits.
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    tamaraandgarretttamaraandgarrett
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    I will continue but I don't want to live off my parents anymore so I will have to work and go to school at the same time. You can teach with a bachelor, it is just less money than with a master's or doctoates degree.
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    *Barbie**Barbie* member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_mil-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:9379a3a7-1368-475d-b8f6-ccb5e5652df5Post:79dc82c1-24b5-4634-bd81-a914997c137c">Re: MIL</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>I will continue but I don't want to live off my parents anymore </strong>so I will have to work and go to school at the same time. You can teach with a bachelor, it is just less money than with a master's or doctoates degree.
    Posted by tamaraandgarrett[/QUOTE]
    if your parents are providing your health insurance, you are still "living off of them"<div>
    </div><div>why don't you postpone getting married until you are capable of supporting yourselves?</div>
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    melntaittmelntaitt member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment

    What PPs said - the big barrier to marriage shouldn't be whether or not you can have health insurance. There are thousands of Americans right now who don't have health insurance, but you should definitely be able to figure out issues like that without your parents' involvement.

    Also, this is none of your MILs business.

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    tamaraandgarretttamaraandgarrett
    First Comment
    I don't count using my mothers free health care provided by her work as living off her. She loses nothing by me being on the policy! We won't be postponing the wedding we have been wanting for 2 years now for that. Thanks to the president we can have the best of worlds.

    Thanks @MelNTaitt for being with me haha. The point was my MIL would mind her own business, I tried to be adult about it and answer her concern but that was not good enough! We have decided to do this our way, not hers. I was hoping to find someone who had a similar situation and their solution/advice. NBot get blasted becasue I am young!
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    *Barbie**Barbie* member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_mil-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:9379a3a7-1368-475d-b8f6-ccb5e5652df5Post:706e3af7-076f-4c3c-b4c4-1fe206a999cc">Re: MIL</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't count using my mothers free health care provided by her work as living off her. She loses nothing by me being on the policy! We won't be postponing the wedding we have been wanting for 2 years now for that. Thanks to the president we can have the best of worlds. Thanks @MelNTaitt for being with me haha. The point was my MIL would mind her own business, I tried to be adult about it and answer her concern but that was not good enough! We have decided to do this our way, not hers. I was hoping to find someone who had a similar situation and their solution/advice. <strong>NBot get blasted becasue I am young!</strong>
    Posted by tamaraandgarrett[/QUOTE]
    you're not getting blasted for being young - you're getting blasted for getting married while you are still being supported by your parents. <div>
    </div>
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    NeedWeddingFavorsNeedWeddingFavors member
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    She means well by informing you that you may lose health insurance, I would gracefully acknowledge her concern whether or not you take her up on her offer. Just my two cents....
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    tamaraandgarretttamaraandgarrett
    First Comment
    I didn't go to college for nothing! I will get a job and work but we all know that noone gets their perfect, dream job right out of the gate! I have to be smart and know my family will be protect in the event of an illness or an accident. Why wait when it is covered?
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    heatherrenee527heatherrenee527 member
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    If you are committing to forever together than why not wait a little longer to get married?  I have a law degree. I have been a Juris Doctor for almost 2 years now, and I still haven't found a job in my field in this economy.  Had it not been for starting my own business and working my butt off, I would not be in a place to get married either.  I'm not telling you that you are too young or judging you at all.  You are a very capable adult, as is your FI.  However, I would look at the realities that face you as a newly married couple.  It can get rough so just make sure you have a solid plan, nothing based on what if's. 

    As for the FMIL, it seems that she may have an issue with you two getting married so young.  While it is your choice, that tension will only get worse and could really upset the famiy dynamic so you and FI should address the issues.  A marriage is a time for celebration and to bring families together, not to push them apart.
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    VarunaTTVarunaTT member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_mil-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:9379a3a7-1368-475d-b8f6-ccb5e5652df5Post:706e3af7-076f-4c3c-b4c4-1fe206a999cc">Re: MIL</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't count using my mothers free health care provided by her work as living off her. She loses nothing by me being on the policy! 
    Posted by tamaraandgarrett[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>You don't understand how health insurance works, do you?  Your mother, in fact, PAYS for your health insurance out of her paycheck.  She is losing something somewhere, even if that is "free" healthcare...no benefit is free.</div><div>
    </div>
    �
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    amy2k4amy2k4 member
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    edited February 2012
      It seems as though your MIL is being protective of your FI and she's probably nervious about letting go of her son.  I would say just to assure her that y'all are willing to take care of all of life's issues and together but thank her for all of her support.  This is probably a very bitter-sweet thing for her to deal with.  

    My FI is an educator, too, and know how competitive the job market can be right now for teachers.  Best of luck to you in your job search!  
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    tamaraandgarretttamaraandgarrett
    First Comment
    What is the difference between me being on her insurance not married or married? I will be on her insurance either way!

    @Amy, I know she is worried about him, he is her youngest and the first to get married. But, we have been together 5 years and wanting to get married for 2 so it shouldn't too big of a shock. But, I guess there is always a difference between talking about it and going out to do it. I will just try to be patient and wait a while before I talk to her seriously about it again. I just hope she will come around so I don't feel so secrative about planning our big day. I have already done the dress shopping, venue visits, and found a photographer but I dont feel like I can talk to her about it. I just want her to share our joy/happiness. I have never seen my FI so into planning anything and I am enjoying every minute of his enthusiasm, I hope she sees how he feels soon!
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