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Bridesmaid dresses and drama...

missclaire21missclaire21 member
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in Wedding Woes
I need to vent and get some pent up frustration out, so this is long... sorry. :)Ok, so my wedding is in 6 months and all of my bridesmaids dresses came in just a couple weeks ago, right before the holidays. (They're plum, knee length with a bubble hem, and strapless... they're super cute!) So, I told all my bridesmaids that the dresses came in and I met up with one of them that I don't see all that often to give her the dress so she could hold onto it and get it fitted if she needs to when it's best for her. While we were talking, after I had given her the dress, she asked if I would mind if she wore it to her work's Christmas party. What is your opinion about that? She's be wearing it six months before my wedding, around no one else that I know, and said that she would get it cleaned if necessary. So that's no biggie. But I have a feeling she'd take a a ton of pictures with her bf and put them up on facebook for everyone to see, which would be annoying to me because then every mutual friend of ours would see my bridesmaid dresses way before the wedding, which would be a bummer to me. I know that's not a huge deal, but it bothers me and I would rather her not wear the dress before the wedding. What do you think? Is this unreasonable of me? The bridesmaids paid for them out of their own pocket ($122-ish), so it's not like I helped pay for them. But still, I want it to be more special than that... you know? Am I being a bridezilla? I really don't want to be but I guess I can't help how I feel. It probably doesn't help that this girl practically fought my sister for the MOH position and was pissed when I didn't choose her saying, "I'm just bummed because this was my only opportunity to be a MOH." (notice that was all about her...). She actually talked to my sister, other bmaids, and others not even involved in the wedding about how it should've been her instead of my sister. She also proceeds to talk about her "upcoming" wedding any time I bring up mine, like she's trying to one-up me... She's not even engaged and she's talking about setting a date near, but always before, mine. The date/season has changed about 4 times since I got engaged and now she's planning on doiing a destination wedding in Mexico a month or two before me (which is in the middle of my last semester of school while I'm student teaching, and supposed to have taken over the class at that time. You're not exactly given vacation time as a student teacher.) She is expecting me to be the MOH. She knows I'm broke and that it'd cost a few hundred to fly to Mexico but acted like she expects me there. I'd like to do it, but I just can't afford it. I'd have to forgo my own honeymoon to go to her destination wedding, and I don't think that's fair... is that wrong of me to feel that way? It also doesn't help that she never asks me about any of my wedding plans. If she doesn't talk about her own wedding or relationship any time I try to tell her something about my plans, she just says, "Oh, cool." Which is annoying because of how badly she wanted to be MOH. The only thing she did was come with me to go wedding dress shopping, where she forced herself into the dressing room to help me, making my sister, the MOH, just sit and watch, as well as the bridal consultant... she pushed out the bridal consultant. As I was getting into a dress, she said, "So I think we'll be getting married in April." I just feel like she doesn't care and this wearing the bridesmaid dress before the wedding thing just adds to my irritation. She claims to be my best friend when she really just doesn't act like it, and it hurts that she doesn't care (or at least acts like she doesn't). It's very upsetting. She really was my best friend at one point, so I'm just not sure what to do with that situation in general.Ugh, sorry that was so long. Anyway... opinions and suggestions would be appreciated. Mostly on the wearing the bmaid dress before the wedding part, but suggestions on how to deal with this girl would be nice too. Thanks!!!
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Re: Bridesmaid dresses and drama...

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    Butter CookieButter Cookie member
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    edited December 2011
    1) try the enter button

    2) she paid for the dress herself, it's her dress. She can really wear it anywhere she wants, as long as she wears it to your wedding.

    3) If you can't afford to be MOH then decline. if she asks, be honest with her. If she acts unreasonable you'll know you made the right decision.
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    deepcovejackiedeepcovejackie
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I agree, it's her dress.  She can wear it.  It's good that she'll get some wear out of it.  It's not like it's going to explode or anything like that if she wears it before the wedding.  I don't think your mutual friend is going to care what your bm dresses look like, which seems to be the problem at hand.

    Sounds like your bigger problem is your relationship with your friend.  Instead of focusing on the dress, which isn't important, maybe make your friendship the priority.  Perhaps you need to be doing some non-wedding-related stuff with her.  You were good friends at one point, but it seems to be slipping away from you.

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    missclaire21missclaire21 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Butter Cookie:
    1) Sorry about the enter thing... not sure why that happened... it didn't look like that when I went to post it.

    3) And that's what I plan to do about the MOH thing. I'm just worried about how she'd take it and I'd feel awful having to decline. It was more her attitude about that whole thing that bothered me.



    Thanks for the insight. I have spent time with her without any wedding agenda, but we should probably do that more often.

    That whole rant probably sounded super snotty and selfish, which wasn't intended... I was mostly venting--sorry.

    After getting some opinions I can see why that isn't inappropriate. It is her dress and she can do what she wants with it as long as she wears it to the wedding and it's in decent condition. I'm glad that she's going to be able to get some extra wear out of the dress--that's partially why I picked it. I just didn't think she'd get to wear it beforehand. I probably felt so weird about it because I've never heard of that before-- buying a bridesmaids dress and then wearing it for something else before the wedding.

    But the real problem is definitely the relationship, not the dress thing. I'm just not sure how to handle it anymore. I just have a lot of pent up frustration and hurt, and she doesn't realize it. That's partially my fault for not addressing it all right away, but in the past when I've tried it didn't work out all that well.

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    TheDuckisTheDuckis member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    She's jealous, plain and simple. It's petty, but it's a human emotion. If she's not engaged yet then I wouldn't even worry about whether or not you're going to be able to make it to a destination wedding in April. She just wants to feel like she and her bf are at the same point in their relationship as you and your FI are. This would also be why she's being so crazy about the MOH thing. Just let her help with what she wants to help with, but don't let her push other people out of the way. How hard is it to tell her that your sister can help with the dress too?

    As far as people seeing the dress on facebook before your wedding, no one gives a sh1t but you. It's not like she's going to tell everyone she's wearing your BM dress in all the pictures. No one will even recognize it by the time your wedding comes along. I'd be mildly worried that she'd rip or stain it, but it's her dress and her responsibility to replace it if that happens.
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    Paulo's Menina BelaPaulo's Menina Bela member
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    edited December 2011
    You almost lost me at bubble hem. Anyhow, it's her dress to do with as she pleases. However, the dress isn't the real issue. Your is acting like a jerk and it's not about quality time. Like TD said, she's jealous that her life and her relationship is not inthe same place as yours. Let her help if she can/wants to, but don't allow her to bully you or anyone else.
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    notquiteblushingnotquiteblushing member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Yes you are being a bridezillla.  If she wants to wear the dress every day for the next six months (your dresses were reallly in six months early?  I haven't even picked mine yet) then that's her choice.

    As for being involved in her wedding that may or may not happen.  If you can't afford to go then just decline.  NBD.
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    TheSaltyPeanutTheSaltyPeanut member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    She sounds like a gem... why is she even in your wedding party?

    I'll be a million bucks there will be no wedding before yours and certainly no destination wedding in Mexico.  When she brings it up, just get really excited for her.  It's the exact reaction the she DOESN'T want.  It sounds like she is trying everything in her power to pisss you off.  Don't let it.

    It's her dress, she can wear it is she wants.  I would be flattered.  In fact, if it were me, after she posts pics on facebook, comment on them with phrases such as,

    1.  "You look so great!"
    2.  "I can't wait to see you in this with the rest of the bridesmaids!"
    3.  "LOVE the color on you, that's AWESOME that you could wear it again!"

    Hang in there love :)
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    ButtonsPepperButtonsPepper member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It sounds like she's jealous that you got engaged before her. It seems as if she wishes this stuff was happening to her, and it's not, so she's really upset about it. Try to have as much time with her non wedding related. Let her wear the dress where ever she wants, as long as she will wear it to your day.
    It also seems like she is jealous of your sister (obviously) and the relationship the two of you have. Just try to explain to her that even tho she isn't MOH she's your best friend, you really care about her, and leave out the wedding stuff for a while.

    PS, no mutual friend is going to care what your BM dresses are.
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    xokristina89xokristina89
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    When I first read you post, I was like omg wear it before the wedding? I'd be SO mad. I guess I'm a bridezilla too? lol. But after reading everyones responses I guess its not that big of a deal... its just annoying, I understand where you're coming from. But like everyone else said, she's just jealous, and trying to one-up you and make you angry. Just ignore it. Hang out with her in non-wedding related settings, and dont invite her to any wedding-related activites (like cake tasting and whatnot) if she is just going to bring you down.
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