VENT: Car issues

Hummingbird125 · January 2013

So when we went to Jamaica last week, BF and I left his car at my parents' house (since they were watching the dog for us). When we got back, it started up without a problem and we drove it home on Sunday evening. Monday morning I went out to get us breakfast, and it didn't start. The battery wasn't dead (radio and lights worked just fine). We're pretty sure it's the starter, because we've had trouble starting it MANY times before. I told BF months ago that he needed to get it fixed, because sooner or later it would stop working. He didn't listen, and (of course) I was right.

We missed puppy class on Monday night because we didn't have a way to get there (taking a cab there would be ridiculously expensive, and the train doesn't allow dogs during peak hours). I paid $230 for this class and do not want to miss another session. BF has it in his head that the car will start once it warms up a little, but the warmest day this week is supposed to be Sunday, and even that is just in the 30's. If it doesn't start then, we're screwed, because there would be no way to get it fixed before the puppy class on Monday night. Even if it DOES start, it still needs to be fixed, because I don't want to get stranded someplace next time it fails to start. BF agrees, but is hoping to avoid paying $100 for a tow truck (which is what he was quoted). He was also quoted $350 over the phone, if the starter needs to be replaced.

I know BF is pretty broke right now, and wishes he didn't have to spend the money - but some expenses can't be avoided! Although I haven't said this to him, I'm getting really frustrated because the big problem is, he just doesn't make enough money at the start up he works for. He wants to hang in there as long as he can to see if the company takes off, but it's really inconvenient at times like this, when unexpected expenses arise. Now - even though I told him many times that I don't want or expect any birthday presents tomorrow - I'm feeling guilty that we're going out to eat and drink with friends, when he's likely have to spend hundreds of dollars on his car this week.

Ugh. I've had a pit in my stomach about these car/money issues since Monday and it sucks. Just needed to vent to you guys. Thanks for reading/listening.

K Everdeen12 · January 2013

That really sucks, especially since he's waiting on it to "warm up." It's supposed to be around 50 next week, but clearly you need a car by then. It's also supposed to snow before then, which can be another issue to deal with (if your car is blocked in by snow, it might be impossible to tow it).

Do you not have to park on a street with alternate side parking? I'm really jealous, because that's a pain in the ass. However, that would have been a kick in the pants to get the car fixed sooner rather than later.

Your insurance company might cover part of the cost of a tow. Unfortunately, this is part of car maintenance and I think your BF needs to just suck it up and deal with it now.

buddysmom80 · January 2013

It sucks so bad to be without a car, I feel your pain. BF is the same way, when something goes wrong with the car he waits until the last possible minute to get it fixed. I'm the type that if something is wrong bring it in right away.

Do you have Zipcars in your neighborhood? They're great when you need a car in a pinch you pick up the car in a lot in town and drop it off when you're done. I think their rates are per hour, but I could be wrong. I know a lot of students in my area use them to run errands outside of the city.

It sucks that your BF is working for a start up business. It's risky but if it turns favorable, he will be rewarded for sticking with it. It has it's pros and cons.

For your birthday, why don't you suggest that he cook you dinner or something like that? I always feel guilty when my BF spends money on me and always make that suggestion, but it may work lol.

I always worry about money, I think everyone does in this economy. I lose sleep at night thinking about money! BF spends like crazy and I'm a penny pincher, it's horrible. At least we are on the same page about certain things when it comes to spending money but still, I'm always worried I'm going to lose my job and I never spend money on myself lol. For example, I just started doing things for me like getting manicures and things like that.

BF also complains about things needing to be fixed. I think it's a guy thing. Yesterday he was pissed because one of his computer monitors broke, he's one of those guys with two computer screens he plays that war of the world game or whatever it is. He actually got a good deal at Best Buy and was proud of himself.

Hummingbird125 · January 2013

Thanks K Everdeen & Buddysmom. We're lucky there isn't alternate side of the street parking where we are!

I hate spending money on things like this too, but my mindset is that when it's not an option, I won't waste time getting upset over it. The start up he's working for is definitely moving in the right direction (they finally gave their employees benefits, and everyone recently got a small raise), so I completely understand wanting to "wait it out". However, I think he needs to decide just how long he will wait before seriously looking for a different job. It's one thing to be willing to hang on for a few more months to see if they get any kind of investment, it's another to stay there another 2 years without a major pay increase.

I don't want to be a whiny brat about this, but I don't know how else to tell him "You must figure out how to get the car fixed by the weekend." Also, it's his car, and his money, so I cannot really make this decision for him. Blegh.

buddysmom80 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_vent-car-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:d102d3dc-8bcf-4080-9a5d-a5a3e85733cfPost:357eb875-b296-46d0-ae5c-53f20525317e">Re: VENT: Car issues</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks K Everdeen & Buddysmom. We're lucky there isn't alternate side of the street parking where we are! I hate spending money on things like this too, but my mindset is that when it's not an option, I won't waste time getting upset over it. The start up he's working for is definitely moving in the right direction (they finally gave their employees benefits, and everyone recently got a small raise), so I completely understand wanting to "wait it out". However, I think he needs to decide just how long he will wait before seriously looking for a different job. It's one thing to be willing to hang on for a few more months to see if they get any kind of investment, it's another to stay there another 2 years without a major pay increase. I don't want to be a whiny brat about this, but I don't know how else to tell him "You must figure out how to get the car fixed by the weekend." Also, it's his car, and his money, so I cannot really make this decision for him. Blegh.
Posted by Hummingbird125[/QUOTE]

I agree with you, if I have to spend I have to spend the money. I just spent $300 on new brakes, it sucked, but I had to do it.

I can symphatize with you in regards to being a whiny brat because every time I open my mouth to ask him to do something, I feel like I'm a nag and that's why I end up doing a lot at home.

I would just tell him that it's kind of inconvenient to wait until the weather warms up and just take it to a mechanic ASAP to have it looked at before it could get worse. Also, like the pp said with the impending "snowstorm" we're getting, a tow truck may not be able to tow your car at all. It's better to get it over with now then to wait. If BF thinks it's because of the weather, ask the mechanic if they would be nice enough to have the car towed to the garage, let it warm up in their garage for a while and then try to start it up. He may have to throw $50 at the problem if the car starts, but if it doesn't start the car is in their garage ready to be worked on.

steign · January 2013

I would be extremely frustrated with the situation if I were you. You are definitely not a whiny brat. Since you don't have a means to alternate transportation, there's not much else you can do but, get the car fixed so it's understandable you feel the way that you do.

Is it possible to borrow someone's car on Monday if worse case scenario, the car isn't fixed? How many places did your BF call around to get a quote? It may be worth calling somewhere else and asking for a lower quote.

I worry about money constantly too. My biggest fear is the student loan debt that I have to start paying in May will be unmanagable and I'll struggle a lot. I try to just put it in the back of my mind but, it's a lingering worry. I also agree with you that it's not worth being upset if you have to spend money. When it's a necessity then you just have to do whatever you can to fix it. I had to spend $600 on new tires last February and hated it but, mine were going bald and I had to have a reliable car for school.

I like Buddy's idea of cooking dinner for your birthday. Maybe you could find a recipe you like and then cook together and make it something fun to do together.

I really hope everything works out and you can get it fixed ASAP.

Hummingbird125 · January 2013

Update: We're going to go out "one more time" to try to start it. BF said he read that banging on the starter with a hammer will sometimes get it to work. I know even know if he knows where the starter is, ha. If that doesn't work (and it won't), he will call a tow truck.

As far as my birthday, I don't want to cancel since a bunch of friends (some of which I barely see), are planning on coming. I'll probably ask him beforehand if he has the money, but I know he'll insist on paying no matter what. I'll just do what I usually try to do and pick up lots of extra things (paying for groceries, gas, anything else we need throughout the rest of the month), to help out in a slightly less obvious way.

buddysmom80 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_vent-car-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:d102d3dc-8bcf-4080-9a5d-a5a3e85733cfPost:9f476acb-4c3c-4a9f-af00-bd3a4898272f">Re: VENT: Car issues</a>:
[QUOTE]Update: We're going to go out "one more time" to try to start it. BF said he read that banging on the starter with a hammer will sometimes get it to work. I know even know if he knows where the starter is, ha. If that doesn't work (and it won't), he will call a tow truck. As far as my birthday, I don't want to cancel since a bunch of friends (some of which I barely see), are planning on coming. I'll probably ask him beforehand if he has the money, but I know he'll insist on paying no matter what. <strong>I'll just do what I usually try to do and pick up lots of extra things (paying for groceries, gas, anything else we need throughout the rest of the month), to help out in a slightly less obvious way.
</strong>Posted by Hummingbird125[/QUOTE]

I do the same thing! Especially this time of year since it's Christmas, then our anniversary and then Valentine's day.

BTW happy early birthday!

lovelyheather · January 2013

I'm sorry about your car trouble and that you missed your puppy class. Hopefully he'll be able to get it repaired soon.

Happy early birthday!

Peaseblossom55 · January 2013

Happy early birthday!

Hummingbird125 · January 2013

Thanks for the birthday wishes!

BF is outside waiting for the tow truck now. We talked about the money stuff, and he can afford it, but if the repairs are "worst case scenario", he's going to be broke until the end of the month. I told him that it sucked, but we needed a car so he didn't really have an option. No one likes spending money on things that aren't fun. He told me he'd much rather have hundreds of dollars to celebrate my birthday and our anniversary with, and that he hated "feeling pathetic" when it came to money sometimes.

Women have all sorts of self-esteem issues when it comes to our weight and appearance, but I think men have almost as many issues regarding their jobs & how much money they have. I think I just need to do my best to show him that I'm grateful and happy he's spending his money to take care of things that need to be taken care of. Honestly - that's a whole lot more important than buying me something pretty for our anniversary. I seriously have everything I want right now (minus a working car!) - so really, it's the best present he can give me!

VENTING OVER.

buddysmom80 · January 2013

Glad to hear that he's getting it fixed asap. And yes, that would be an awesome anniversary gift; a working car lol!

I think men are really really insecure in regards to money!

VENT: Car issues

Re: VENT: Car issues

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