My Mom Won't Come

lyzziestephen · February 2011

Hi ladies,

I just got engaged to the most wonderful man. I called my mom to tell her, and instead of a happy resonse, I got a dont expect me to come, help out or do anything for your wedding. I love my mom and am deeply hurt by that. What do I do? Or say? I would love some help.

lyzziestephen · February 2011

My mom is upset that i moved across country to be with him and go to school. She does not agree with him on all things when it comes to our faith. She just doesn't like him I guess. We have dated for almost two years and she is just now saying something.

cdstadler · February 2011

there must be some reason why your mother said that....i feel like i would need more information than what you are giving to properly answer this....

like.....

does she not like your FI? Have there been arguments? Has there been concern from the beginning of your relationship? Are you really young? Is it just your mom or other family members?

Sorry...just dont know how to answer unless i have more info.

tidetravel · February 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-wont-come?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:123c50c5-6658-4bc2-8b30-721dcdab8911Post:8beba8cf-9f2d-49a3-b5ac-a9f839db83d1">My Mom Won't Come</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi ladies, I just got engaged to the most wonderful man. I called my mom to tell her, and instead of a happy resonse, I got a dont expect me to come, help out or do anything for your wedding. I love my mom and am deeply hurt by that. What do I do? Or say? I would love some help.
Posted by lyzziestephen[/QUOTE]

Call her bluff. "If that's the way you feel, then you'll be missed!" and leave it at that. Either she'll get her head out of her butt or not. If she chooses to be childish and not support your choice of husband, that's her decision, and she's the one drawing the line in the sand. Don't let her manipulate you.

Muffin'sMom · February 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-wont-come?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:123c50c5-6658-4bc2-8b30-721dcdab8911Post:72763244-9d71-4466-9075-c0aa5e31e85a">Re: My Mom Won't Come</a>:
[QUOTE]there must be some reason why your mother said that....i feel like i would need more information than what you are giving to properly answer this.... like..... does she not like your FI? Have there been arguments? Has there been concern from the beginning of your relationship? Are you really young? Is it just your mom or other family members? Sorry...just dont know how to answer unless i have more info.
Posted by cdstadler[/QUOTE]

This...I can't imagine that this would come out of the blue. What is the issue?

McKenna2012 · February 2011

She is the one who will have to live with regret if she chooses not to come.

cdstadler · February 2011

Well if thats the case, then it must be hurtful to you. I couldnt imagine not having my mother at my wedding. If this is out of the blue like you state that it is, then maybe its just your mom feeling like she is losing her little girl. Maybe she thought that it was a phase for you to run miles to be with him or choose the religion that you have chosen. Either way, it sounds like your mom may just have concerns that she is losing you...or that she has lost you.

Maybe you should really talk to her and let her know how upset it made you for her to not want to be there. Maybe you should try to include her on some plans like favors, dress shopping....maybe you could go to where your mom is to dress shop so that she sees that she hasnt "lost" you.

sarah42nd · February 2011

I agree with the PP who said call her bluff and just go on with your day. I am ASSuming that maybe your mom has an issue with you moving across the country and probably blames your FI for it.

bertke10 · February 2011

In my not-so-many years of wisdom-collecting, I have found that if my parents had a problem with a guy I dated, it was for a good reason. It took a lot of looking back to realize this. Although, my parents are stable people and understood the "letting go of baby girl" thing when the time was right. When I was in the situation though, i was POed they wouldn't let me go out with so-and-so. So my advice is, look at the situation from both sides. "Is Mom being unreasonable, or am I?"
A good clue is how other family members feel. Usually if ALL the people who care the most about you feel a certain way, there may be some reason for it. If ONE person has a problem, then it's just their problem.

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