Hi guys been MIA for a while-Updates

Re: Hi guys been MIA for a while-Updates

• SonaliPop member

  

  July 2010 edited December 2011

  I really hope she chills out, for your sake. And her son. She is being ridiculous.
  
  What is her deal, if you don't mind my asking?
  
  Remember what I told you before. You're doing the best you can and you're a good partner for this man. You're there for him even when his family isn't. God bless you both, and I hope your marriage is a wonderful one.
  
  I have no news to report. No engagement. Nothing really. Just trying to survive this heat wave. BF and I are going on vacation this fall! Maybe somewhere hot in Europe. Looking forward to planning it!
  

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• jnsaini

  

  July 2010 edited December 2011

  Sonali
  I have asked FI a lot of times as to why his mom picks on me and my family, couple wks ago she called and randomly yelled at me saying I control the fact that her son doesnt visit her. I told her I am the one who has been reminding him to call you on "mothers day" or her bday so I am not to blame. I said "I have told him numerous times to visit youbut he tells me to stay out of it so maybe you ought to speak with him about it and keep me out of it". But regardless she pretended to play dumb and kept blaming me. I HATE that woman. My friends heard her yell on my car phone speakers and found out about her obnixous behavior first hand. They were shocked needless to say and said they believed me when I told her she was nuts but had no idea it was this bad.So god knows, maybe she thinks am not good enough for her son, I wouldnt be surprised. She went as far to saying I am making her son get married when he is soo busy...that upset me the most and hurt me . FI assured me that wasnt the case and he was happy to be getting married soon. Thank you for the blessings Sonali, I hope the wedding day pans out well and she keeps quiet for her son's sake for once.
  Sonali, the ring might be in the works for this falls vacay, guys take their time and try to save it for a time you will remember forever.Did you guys decide where you are heading in Europe??

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• raangoli

  

  July 2010 edited December 2011

  Wow your FMIL sounds like a nut. No offense, although I don't think you would be offended!
  
  She might be intimidated by your relationship with your FI/her son if she's never had a close relationship with him. Or maybe she thinks no one is or will be good enough for her son and so she acts this way. I can't remember if your FFIL is the same way, but since you haven't really mentioned him, maybe he stays out of it, which is good that perhaps one party on that side can be the voice of reason, or at least civil.
  
  You're handling it the best way you can. You're right, it's issues she has to take up with her son and not make you the reason for why he doesn't call or visit her...she's reason enough on her own, but will never admit to it.
  
  Since your family and bridal party knows what a nutcase she is, I am sure they will do their best to keep you separate from her. A lot of the time it's just talk, but I wish you nothing but happiness on your big day! I am sure it will be beautiful and all you ever dreamed it would be!
  

  

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• Bhanu&Anuj member

  

  July 2010 edited December 2011

  hey girls
  
  I feel that it really boils down to one thing... women feel threatened by change specifically in the face of marriage and the changes that occur ...lol
  
  Esp our mothers, fmil, sil...and sometimes even brides.
  
  Sorry for the over analytical responses but I've just been trying to deal with two women in my life who are either creating emotional melo drama or are just behaving miserably....
  
  Nicky for your mother in law...she is threatened by something and is taking it out on you and your FI....completely unfair...but you are doing great at making the best of the situation.  You now have two weeks left...ENJOY don't let this stress get to you (damn I should take some of my own advice !!)

  

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• Hinaj member

  

  July 2010 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_south-asian-weddings_hi-guys-mia-updates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:430Discussion:c0573a1f-ce1a-4aff-8119-e5122d809c88Post:7a0787e9-4658-4bc1-8db8-d3c6c5218988">Re: Hi guys been MIA for a while-Updates</a>:
  [QUOTE]Sonali I have asked FI a lot of times as to why his mom picks on me and my family, couple wks ago she called and randomly yelled at me saying I control the fact that her son doesnt visit her. I told her I am the one who has been reminding him to call you on "mothers day" or her bday so I am not to blame. I said "I have told him numerous times to visit youbut he tells me to stay out of it so maybe you ought to speak with him about it and keep me out of it". But regardless she pretended to play dumb and kept blaming me. I HATE that woman. My friends heard her yell on my car phone speakers and found out about her obnixous behavior first hand. They were shocked needless to say and said they believed me when I told her she was nuts but had no idea it was this bad.So god knows, maybe she thinks am not good enough for her son, I wouldnt be surprised. She went as far to saying I am making her son get married when he is soo busy...that upset me the most and hurt me :(. FI assured me that wasnt the case and he was happy to be getting married soon. Thank you for the blessings Sonali, I hope the wedding day pans out well and she keeps quiet for her son's sake for once. Sonali, the ring might be in the works for this falls vacay, guys take their time and try to save it for a time you will remember forever.Did you guys decide where you are heading in Europe??
  Posted by jnsaini[/QUOTE]
  
  
  Nicky,
  I think your FMIL and my FMIL would really make good friends.  LOL.  Don't listen to her Nicky, she is just being petty.  The reason being her son is not holding his mother priority over you and that means you are hated/disliked regardless of what you do.  I have just stop trying because I know I can do the best, but she is going to find fault in me regardless of what I do.  Although, my FMIL doesn't literally say it to my face, she either likes to talk behind my back to her son and daughter, or she likes to wrap it up in nice sugary coat and then tell me.  Believe me, I would have more respect for her if she just came out straight and told it to my face.
  
   Don't worry, I have gotten the same thing about my son not coming to visit me from both his mom and his sister.  WTF??  Its not like I am holding him back, I told him to go to India and stay with her, but he doesn't want to go because they are not really that close. Lately I have gotten the same thing for his siter, who I thought was the sane one, but now I am just wondering what is going on with her.  They as a family were never close before I was in the picture, but somehow I am the reason he doesn't visit them.  He was living in NOLA for two years, and never invited his sister to come stay with him and see the city, it only happened because I told him to plan something for the holidays.
  
  I hope she doesn't make a scene at your wedding, but regardless the best thing you can do is to ignore her comments and not care.  Because FI already loves you and she and my FMIL are those women that think they are the only ones that can find the best bride for their sons, even though their sons don't think that way.  I know my FMIL hates the fact that I am so much part of his life, like paying his bills when he is not there, basically doing everything a wife would do in absence of her husband.  She is always saying that why don't you let your sister handle it?  Why does she have to do it?  etc etc. 
  
  So ignore her outbursts and kill her with kindness.  I think being extra nice concept works well in this situation.  And seriously if she makes a scene, ignore her like she is not even in the room and go about getting married. 

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• Jeff and Deepthi

  

  July 2010 edited December 2011

  I really hope she doesn't do anything on your day. I don't understand why someone would cause their own kid so much heartache. Obviously, this is messing with your FI too and that's just wrong as a mother. Hopefully she'll get better after the wedding or if not then then after the first baby comes. Honestly, if she doesn't she won't realize how much she'll lose until it's too late. Just stay as strong as you've always been. I pray your wedding is a blessed day!!! Just think two weeks from tomorrow you'll be a Married Lady!!!!

  Update 6/13/2010
  June 2011 SiggyChallenge: Wedding Cake
  
  
  

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• SonaliPop member

  

  July 2010 edited December 2011

  Nicky,
  
  Issues about where to live and with whom (yes, that problem is still hanging over our heads) isn't as resolved as I guess it was. Not with me, at least. I am having trouble just letting things go. But should I tear apart a relationship for living alone for a few years? Probably not. I'm not that stupid.
  
  I think he'll ask me on this trip, too. Or at least, I am expecting it. Maybe, though, because he knows I may think that that's when he'll ask, he'll put it off or switch things up to make sure I'm surprised. I know he's ring shopping. We're not sure where we are going. We're looking at somewhere warm.
  
  And I really, REALLY hope your FMIL doesn't stir up a fuss on your big day. Thank god your friends will be able to diffuse it. At the end of the day, she will look like an ass. Not you. Just enjoy the day. Prepare for the worst, hope for the best, and have an extra sip of champagne.
  

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• jnsaini

  

  July 2010 edited December 2011

  Thank you Ladies
  Hina-Yes your FMIL sounds like she is intimated by your relationship with your FI, and is blaming you for him not visiting her..sounds so familiar to my case.
  
  Thanks JandD- let us know how the engagement celebrations go!, its going to be super fast after this!!
  
  Sonali- You are lucky, your FIL's sound so sweet, I do understand the situation hinders full privacy between husband and wife, but it also adds spice since you guys will be finding ways to go around them to get your special time together, makes it fun and challenging!

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• kpwedkk member

  

  July 2010 edited December 2011

  if your FMIL does something on your wedding day, just be assured that she looks crazy in front of your family, her own family, and all of your friends!  If you are still worried she'll go over the top, let some of your close friends know, and they'll be on the look out and if there's any trouble, they'll take care of the situation for you.
  
  I agree that FMIL is going through a huge change in her life, where her son is marrying you, basically spending a lot less time with his own parents, and siblings.  If it keeps becoming a contention point, when FMIL got married, did she spend a lot of time with her mom, or did FFIL spend less time with his mom and family?
  
  http://www.wikihow.com/Get-Along-with-Your-Mother-in-Law
  

  
  "The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart." ~ Miss K ~
  

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