Can I do late invitations???

kepack · September 2010

I thought I was done with issues to post here! Oh well – I’ll appreciate the replies as always!

To the point, my fiancé and I could afford a reception for 80 at the place we wanted. We sent out about 90 invitations, knowing a few of them we knew wouldn’t make it and if everyone replied yes, we would figure out how to make the budget work to accommodate. My RSVP deadline is 9/20.

At this point if all of the RSVP deadbeats come back with yes replies, we’ll have 68 attendees. We have to pay for a minimum of 75 guests whether they are there or not. With our small wedding, most of the guests are family – we only invited a handful of friends. We obviously wanted to invite more, but our budget constrained us.

Since we have “open” seats – is it tacky to try to invite friends at this late date? (24 days to go?) If not too tacky, how do I go about it? Especially when my RSVP cards have the 9/20 date on them!

These are real friends that we couldn’t invite because we had to do the obligatory family invitations – so I don’t think they would be too offended by a late invitation. I thought a funny Evite could cover me…but I’m sure anyone reading out there who is an etiquette guru is dying at this thought!

Just curious what folks out there thought! Thank you!!!

Mrs.B6302007 · September 2010

I wouldn't do it. I did that with someone and it backfired on me.

FutureMrsTR · September 2010

It's tacky. See if you can upgrade the food or bar or something if you just have a $$ minimum.

iamjoesgurl · September 2010

If one of my friends was getting married and had told me that she was only able to invite a limited number of guests because of budget, I would understand. Weddings are expensive and sometimes you need to make difficult decisions. At the same time, if the wedding got closer and the friend realized that there was extra space and I could now come, I'd be thrilled. However, not everyone is like me and like Mrs B said, it can backfire on you. Only you really know your friends and how they would react.

mypalbabs · September 2010

This is the unpopular opinion here, but honestly if I had a good friend getting married who was in your situation and she called and explained, I'd totally be on board with attending. I think it depends on the friend (how she would perceive the situation) and your delivery.

elisabethb29 · September 2010

If you call and explain, maybe it'd be ok... but I'd still be worried about it backfiring. I was thinking about doing this too, so far I haven't, and if I decided to, I'd have to do it really soon, but I'm pretty nervous. So, good luck. I don't know what is worse... getting a late invite or no invite at all.

meima · September 2010

I'd be fine with a phone call too, if a friend did this. I would be a little put off by an invitation that clearly looked like an afterthought, but a brief phone call explaining that there is extra space, would be a-ok!

quotequeen · September 2010

We did invite one extra couple, but only because the guy said to FI that he wanted to crash the wedding, so FI said "yeah, or you could just come as a guest." I wouldn't just send out more invitations. If you really believe your friends are not the type to be offended, you could just talk to them about it.

mica178 · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-late-invitaions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0ba3c1eb-40a0-4dad-9622-c282763b77a8Post:54448dad-6ea0-44a6-b3a5-2e25bacc681f">Re: Can I do late invitaions???</a>:
[QUOTE]But what if they didn't provide their mailing address until later? I sent out electronic save-the-dates, asking them to reply with their mailing addresses. But some didn't reply until weeks after I've already sent out the majority of the invitations. So a couple of our guests would have received their invitations 3-5 days before the RSVP deadline, but a day after we finally got their mailing address (from the BestMan). Will this still be considered tacky, given that we never got their mailing addresses until later?
Posted by xoxosbt[/QUOTE]

In those cases, I'd probably contact them and tell them why their invitations are coming in late. And apologize. And offer to let them RSVP a little late.

ootmother2 · September 2010

In general, I wouldn't do it.

If you have someone begging for a plus one may be a different story though.

RavenBeautie · September 2010

Yes, I would do it. Just call them and ask. Send the invite for informational purposes, but don't send the response cards with the already passed date. If you paid for 7 more plates, wouldn't it be great to have 7 more friends there?

beamer84 · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-late-invitaions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0ba3c1eb-40a0-4dad-9622-c282763b77a8Post:f2e4f396-578a-4a0c-8bdf-d7e6fd01f27c">Re: Can I do late invitaions???</a>:
[QUOTE]If one of my friends was getting married and had told me that she was only able to invite a limited number of guests because of budget, I would understand. Weddings are expensive and sometimes you need to make difficult decisions. At the same time, if the wedding got closer and the friend realized that there was extra space and I could now come, I'd be thrilled. However, not everyone is like me and like Mrs B said, it can backfire on you. Only you really know your friends and how they would react.
Posted by iamjoesgurl[/QUOTE]

I would feel the same way as iamjoesgurl has described. If your friends would be cool with it, then invite them!

sarah0725 · September 2010

You know your crowd better than we do, and this is one of those things that requires finesse. If you have some close friends that you want to invite now that you realize you have the room, I would talk to them in person about it, give them the invitation, apologize that you're not giving them more notice, and tell them that you'd love to have them there. If a friend did this for me, I'd be more thrilled and touched than anything else, but I also love weddings, so there's that.

myremedy1976 · September 2010

We invited guest after that didn't make the first cut. We are being married on a boat and it has limited space. All of our friends understood and now most of them are coming to the wedding. I think if you know your friends and explain I think they will understand. I would go to the wedding and not feel offended at all.

kepack · September 2010

Thanks for all the comments! I liked the idea of calling them to explain the situation. So, I decided to call 2 of my friends and they were both very excited that I asked if they could make it. Whew!! I was even kind of shocked at how happy the one person was!

I liked the idea of sending them an invitation so I will probably do that, but I won't include an RSVP card for them as they already told me yes.

I like tradition and etiquette, but explaining the situation and mix in some gen y-ers who aren't as formal, I guess in this case I was okay!

bfuller1085 · September 2010

I was one of those invites last summer and it didn't bother me one bit. She was a friend I was close to in college and was having a small wedding with 90% being family. B/c I was a college friend I understood her childhood friends and obviously family coming first. When some guests declined I got a really sweet phone call letting me know that she would love me there and space from family opened up and I was thrilled...and I had a blast! I dont think its tacky at all if your friends know that theyre werent originally invited b/c of family obligations. If they were B-listers...THEN it would be tacky. But I say send the invite and give them a heads up phone call and it would be ok.

Can I do late invitations???

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