Inviting Kids???

smitsr79 · April 2012

I wrote about this before about not inviting too many children. But here is my dillema. My fiances aunt calls me crying saying that one of his cousins is extrememly hurt that we are not inviting the girls who are 2 and 1. She said they can't live without their kids. Everyone is upset because they feel we don't want them there and are taking it so personal. I talked to his aunt and I said I have never heard of a wedding where there are babies around. Now they are mad at us, because the are spending all this money to come here (they are from OOT) and wont be able to bring their kids. So the last thing I want to do is be apart of a family that hates me because of this, because they are that kind of people. So my fiance and I called his cousin talked to her about why we didn't want them there and she started crying. My fiance and I gave in so that it wouldn't start drama. Now I am so scared that other people are going to want to bring their kids. THIS IS SO REDICULOUS! What would you have done??

adamar15 · April 2012

They were crying? Seriously? That's fucking ridiculous (notice the spelling). You shouldn't have caved, because now it's going to be harder to say no when other people ask. If they say they can't come because of the kids, tell them you're sorry and you'll miss seeing them. Don't let anyone guilt you into inviting their kids if you don't want them there.

bmoruzzi · April 2012

Wow. You're screwed. I would have held my ground. I can't believe the chick started crying. Does she maybe have post partum (spelling?) depression? That doesn't seem like a normal response.

Megan+Adam · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-kids-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:90eea342-6aab-44b7-bbe8-43058b396534Post:7c555dce-ee8c-4849-a56e-5daa12e79172">Inviting Kids???</a>:
[QUOTE]I wrote about this before about not inviting too many children. But here is my dillema. My fiances aunt calls me crying saying that one of his cousins is extrememly hurt that we are not inviting the girls who are 2 and 1. <strong>She said they can't live without their kids</strong>. Everyone is upset because they feel we don't want them there and are taking it so personal. I talked to his aunt and I said I have never heard of a wedding where there are babies around. Now they are mad at us, because the are spending all this money to come here (they are from OOT) and wont be able to bring their kids. So the last thing I want to do is be apart of a family that hates me because of this, because they are that kind of people. So my fiance and I called his cousin talked to her about why we didn't want them there and she started crying. My fiance and I gave in so that it wouldn't start drama. Now I am so scared that other people are going to want to bring their kids. THIS IS SO REDICULOUS! What would you have done??
Posted by smitsr79[/QUOTE]

<div>That seems a little melodramatic to me. You're not asking them to live without their kids forever and I highly doubt that being apart from them for a weekend (which is their choice btw) would cause them to DIE.</div><div>
</div><div>I probably wouldn't have given in because of the precedent that it sets. If some people learn that they can get you to do something that you don't want to do by throwing a fit then they'll likely throw a fit whenever they want something out of you. </div><div>
</div><div>Having said that we are inviting kids for exactly this reason. I'd rather listen to a bunch of toddlers scream at my reception than listen to a bunch of adults act like toddlers for the year leading up to it. </div><div>
</div><div>(Edit: If she is still nursing the one year old then in my mind that is an exception to the no baby rule)</div>

texacochick2011 · April 2012

I am sorry about the whole problem. I'm about to face this problem myself, but I am thankful that my family has the good sense to realize that little ones may not be appropriate at a wedding. My cousin just gave birth to twin girls, and my wedding is in November. I would not want her to be apart from the girls so soon, but at the same time, I was worried about kids at my wedding.

There is a possible solution: hire a babysitter. For those guests who are also parents, give them an option to leave the kids in a hotel nearby (so parents can check on them) with a babysitter and a variety of things, like movies, or video games if you have young boys who are at that age. One of the hotels is a block and a half from my venue, and so it's easy enough if she will want to check on her little girls.

adamar15 · April 2012

I don't know a single parent that would be comfortable with leaving their kids with a baby sitter that someone else hired. I think this is one of those ideas that sounds good in theory, but that would never actually work.

smitsr79 · April 2012

You are definitely right that I shouldn't have given in, but his aunt kept saying if you don't there is going to be an even bigger issue. That is the last thing that I want.

Megan+Adam · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-kids-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:90eea342-6aab-44b7-bbe8-43058b396534Post:0aab4a57-9da2-4ffb-b023-b2d97228bd5f">Re: Inviting Kids???</a>:
[QUOTE]You are definitely right that I shouldn't have given in, but his aunt kept saying if you don't there is going to be an even bigger issue. That is the last thing that I want.
Posted by smitsr79[/QUOTE]

<div>I hear you. She sounds like a piece of work. </div><div>
</div><div>Our of curiousity what do your FI's parents think about the fact that their family is behaving this way?</div>

FutureMrsMDJahnke · April 2012

I am setting up a a babysitter and paying her an undecided flat fee, probably around 80 that will be stationed in a hotel room for couples with young children especially those from out of town. Then the parents don't have to worry about finding childcare or leaving their children at home. Then if a mom, say, wants to breast feed or check in in her kids she would be more than welcome. I also figured it would be a pretty late night for my little ring bearer, who is from out of town, and don't want his parents to have to leave the reception early to get him to bed! Maybe you could arrange something like thia?

smitsr79 · April 2012

Megan+Adam- His parents are divorced. His dad is awesome and is on our side with everything (but it is not his family that is acting this way). His mother on the other hand is a piece of work. She only cares about herself and really could care less about our feelings with anything. She says she does but ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. My FMI doesn't do anything if it is going to make her look bad, therefore she said NOTHING!

smitsr79 · April 2012

We said we would have a babysitter and she wouldn't budge!

adamar15 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-kids-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:90eea342-6aab-44b7-bbe8-43058b396534Post:dd92d1a3-1d00-4a75-9b05-75d33a93554c">Re:Inviting Kids???</a>:
[QUOTE]I am setting up a a babysitter and paying her an undecided flat fee, probably around 80 that will be stationed in a hotel room for couples with young children especially those from out of town. Then the parents don't have to worry about finding childcare or leaving their children at home. Then if a mom, say, wants to breast feed or check in in her kids she would be more than welcome. I also figured it would be a pretty late night for my little ring bearer, who is from out of town, and don't want his parents to have to leave the reception early to get him to bed! Maybe you could arrange something like thia?
Posted by FutureMrsMDJahnke[/QUOTE]

Have you talked to any of the parents to see if they would actually be comfortable with this?

smitsr79 · April 2012

I forgot to mention this, his family was so upset that she had the nerve to ask me how many kids were invited on my side of the family. I TOLD HER NONE!!!!! No one under the age of 13 was invited. It was nothing personal, just that we were trying to stick with our budget.

FutureMrsMDJahnke · April 2012

Ps. I'm not sure how to edit on my phone, so I apologize for autocorrects! Not sure why my phone prefers thia to this...!

FutureMrsMDJahnke · April 2012

In Response to Re:Inviting Kids???:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Inviting Kids???:Have you talked to any of the parents to see if they would actually be comfortable with this? Posted by adamar15[/QUOTE]

Yep! Well with the parents that I was originally thinking of/the ones from out of town. The babysitter will be a certified infant teacher. We will only have 3 or 4 parents with young children. I figure the ones from town can hire their own babysitter if they like, or use the one I am providing. But the out pf towners would prefer this to leaving their kids at home or finding their own babysitter in town, definitely.

minniehopeless · April 2012

Wow, they don't have to come to your wedding. The could have RSVPed no and sent you a sugar bowl. Drama lamas be crazy.

Hugs honey.

smitsr79 · April 2012

Is it possible that the inlaws apologized and took it back! Thanks goodness! Thank you all for your imput. I learned my lesson!

texacochick2011 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-kids-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:90eea342-6aab-44b7-bbe8-43058b396534Post:befd450a-8d18-455f-9e41-2464511111d2">Re: Inviting Kids???</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't know a single parent that would be comfortable with leaving their kids with a baby sitter that someone else hired. I think this is one of those ideas that sounds good in theory, but that would never actually work.
Posted by adamar15[/QUOTE]

Not trying to create drama--actually, my cousin is the only person I would really worry about with very very young kids. The rest are no younger than 10, but I do know that young children tend to get tired at long night events. And it would be something I would check with first as well. My FI and I have actually been asking around, and so far, everyone is OK with it, especially since they can easily go check in.

Urchin9 · April 2012

While I think your inlaws went a little over the top with their reaction to not being able to bring their kids, I can understand their desire to not want to be away from thier children. They could have talked to you and expressed their feelings in a better way though.

And seriously, as a parent, there is no way in heck I would leave my children with some mystery baby sitter at a hotel that I didn't personally know.... I would make sure that other parents are up for that idea at all. For me, I'd never do it.

FutureMrsMDJahnke · April 2012

I was also a nanny for the family that I am setting the childcare up for, and they trust my judgement with their children completely...so I suppose my situation might not be the norm?

smitsr79 · April 2012

The babysitter is not someone they dont know. It is his aunts best friend which all of the cousins know very well!

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