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Need some advice

anneandtyleranneandtyler member
First Comment
in Moms and Maids
I need some advice, while visiting my mother in law she asked if I wanted to see the dress she had purchased for our wedding day. I said of course I would like to see it, not that I need to have a say in what she wears I thought just as I had shared my dress with her she was doing the same. She came out with it on and it looked nice but it is the exact colour of my wedding dress (light ivory) which she has seen. I was speechless and she just gave this snarky smile and said what do you think. I said it looked nice but also slipped in that it was the same colour as my dress, she ignored this comment and left to go change into the dress she has purchased for her other sons wedding which is 3 months after ours. The dress for their wedding is black.  We have always had a great relationship so I'm not sure where this is coming from. I don't know what to do or how to approach her about it.
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Re: Need some advice

  • deepcovejackiedeepcovejackie
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Don't approach her at all about it.  You don't get to say what other people are wearing to your wedding, other than the bridal party.  Tell her she looks lovely.  She'll hardly be mistaken for the bride!  It's just not that big of a deal.
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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Don't do anything. People are going to give her the side-eye at the wedding for wearing a white dress. If you say something it will make you look like a bridezilla. In this case biting your tongue and being the bigger person is the best choice.


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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_need-advice-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:77936803-f9cf-4fdc-9a04-eaeda2006b93Post:963fd38d-3078-410c-b70d-ea95915f538f">Re: Need some advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]Don't approach her at all about it.  You don't get to say what other people are wearing to your wedding, other than the bridal party.  Tell her she looks lovely.  She'll hardly be mistaken for the bride!  It's just not that big of a deal.
    Posted by deepcovejackie[/QUOTE]

    I disagree with this. Yeah she isn't going to be mistaken for the bride but this is a very passive-aggressive move. There are a million other colors she could've chosen but she chose white. Its not like she forgot she was buying the dress for a wedding.


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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    You shouldn't do anything about this. The MOB and MOG get to choose dresses that suits their style and the formality of the wedding. You can't tell a grown woman what to wear, so let it go.
    That said, I think your fmil used poor judgement in her choice. And probably, many of your guests will think so, too. Don't worry about this at all, as it's a reflection on her, not you. And I'm sure that no one will think she is the bride.
                       
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  • anneandtyleranneandtyler member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I am not worried about her being mistaken for the bride I am worried about our relationship. The way she acted made me feel as if something is wrong.
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  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    So ask her if something is wrong.  Leave the dress out of it, just say you've noticed that things have been a bit strained lately.  But ultimately, even if she shows up in the exact same dress as you, she's the one who's going to look foolish.
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  • sytomsytom member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    What a weird thing to do!!!  Everyone knows you don't wear white at a wedding!  You're certainly not going to be the only one noticing it, that's for sure!!!!  I can't believe that someone in your FIL won't say anything to her.

    I don't think that the fact she bought a white dress means that there's something wrong in your relationship.  Has she done something else to make you think that there's a problem?
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  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Personally when someone becomes passive aggressive with me I either open up and see what's the matter and deal with it or ignore the behavior and be on my merry way (this stictly depends on the situation and the person). I would get passed the dress quick and just ask her if something was bothering her or on her mind that she wants to open up to you about. If she chooses not to disclose what's bothering her then ignore her passive aggressive move and look forward to having fun at your wedding. Like the other ladies said, people will judge her not you. 
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  • Kristin789Kristin789 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    >>I am worried about our relationship. The way she acted made me feel as if something is wrong.

    That's exactly what it looks like.
    It looks like she hates the girl that her other son is marrying, so she's wearing black to that wedding (yeah, I know that some people DO wear fancy black to weddings, but when it's the MOG, that does send a strong message),
    and she likes you more but still resents that her sons are dumping her to get marries to young pretty women, so she's made a passive aggressive move to pull herself even with you.  See Monster-in-law movie.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Her behaviour does seem a bit strange, especially since you've always gotten along with her. Could you just ask her if something is bothering her? I wonder if fmil is feeling overwhelmed by the fact that both of her sons are getting married around the same time. Ask your fi if he has any insight.

                       
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  • orangecrush32orangecrush32 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'd say to definitely talk to her about your relationship and not mention the dress like pp. But definitely don't say anything like "you can't wear that to my wedding". That makes you the bridezilla. Let her wear that dress to the wedding and like others said she'll be judged by everyone for breaking one of the cardinal rules of attending weddings, don't wear a white dress!
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