advice NEEDED for nightmarish MOH

gbrenner18 · July 2010

My sister, who is also my MOH, has been a complete nightmare when it came to planning my wedding. I will spare some details, but to keep you up to speed: 1) she did not want to look for bridesmaids dresses, when she did she refused to try the majority of the dresses that I liked on. 2) EVERY detail she has told me she didn't like from the cake flavors, to centerpieces, to bridesmaids shoes, flowers, location, etc. 3) she has screamed at me that she doesn't like my fiance. I am at wit's end with her and I don't know what to do. Do I ask her if she wants to be a part of this? Do I ask her to step down? What is she going to say at the reception? Can I ask her to not be my MOH anymore?

vegasgroom · July 2010

Is she normally like that about other things too?

Simply Fated · July 2010

1) Is there a reason for this? Is she normally not into dress shopping? Does she hate your taste in dresses?

2) Stop sharing details with her, then. Simple as that, hun. It sucks, but it'll help in the long run.

3) THIS is a problem. As someone who you asked to be a witness and stand by you at your wedding, it doesnt' sound like she supports your marriage to him. Is there a reason for her animosity towards him?

Do I ask her if she wants to be a part of this?
Yeah, I would talk to her and see whats up. It could be something simple as she is just sick of hearing wedding talk or something. Be non-confrontational about it.

Do I ask her to step down?
No, not unless you don't mind pissing her off, lol.

What is she going to say at the reception?
She already screamed at you that she doesn't like your fiance... I can't help but to wonder why you sound so un-fazed that your sister hates him so much. Red flag? Maybe?

Can I ask her to not be my MOH anymore?
Not unless you want to wreck your relationship with her. Wouldn't you rather try to work things out? You made your choice, now make the best of it.

jelique7 · July 2010

if things get worse i would just politely say listen, i love you a lot but you are not treating me, my wedding or my FI with respect and although it sucks, if you do not want to be apart of this you don't have to be and if you are not willing to go with the flow and keep your nasty words and thoughts to yourself i might have to consider someone else to be my MOH.

or something like that. you shouldn't let her disrespect your choices, wedding, and life like that. stand up for yourself maybe she just needs a kick in the butt to make her realize she is being a beeotch. try talking to her to see if she has a reason for this kind of behavior...to me there is no excuse for this so she better have a dayum good story.

good luck!

quotequeen · July 2010

Just talk to her as your sister, not about your wedding, but about why she doesn't seem to support you marrying your FI. If she's really adamant that she hates him, you can ask if she's sure she wants to stand up with you. But you can't kick her out.

NillaWafer10 · July 2010

It sounds like there is something bothering her. I know my sister acts out and says things out of the ordinary when I have done something to upset her. I think you need to have a heart to heart with her about her feelings. Maybe she feels overshadowed by another bridesmaid?

Definitely don't kick her out of the bridal party. If she won't try on dresses, then too bad for her. Order the one you pick out in her size, and she can get it altered. Quit sharing wedding details with her. It doesn't matter if she doesn't like the colors of the wedding, it isn't her wedding.

About her feelings on FI... has she always felt this way or is this new?

gbrenner18 · July 2010

She is quite controlling, but never to this point.

gbrenner18 · July 2010

thanks! her not liking my fiance isn't a red flag-- she has liked him up until now.

gbrenner18 · July 2010

thanks!

gbrenner18 · July 2010

new feelings about the fiance. She never felt like this before. I think she is taking that role of "no-one-is-good-enough-for-my-sister"

sarah42nd · July 2010

I agree with PPs .

Is your sister married ? Is she jealous your getting married? If she is married is your wedding " better or different " then hers ? Did you use to hang out with her alot and now you don't?

It could be a million different things. I would sit down with her and have a heart to heart .

SarahRuthG · July 2010

My sister - Matron of Honor - is a pain also. Everything is a complication and she complains about it all - even though my mother is literally paying for everything that she needs for the wedding. (dress, shoes, alterations, her and her husbands plane tickets out here, ect) I've just stopped telling her/asking her anything. And I told my mom to not talk about the wedding with her also. If there is something she needs to know I either call or email (depending on the importance) and say "So you know, at 5:30 the rehearsal dinner starts, Mom will give you a ride there so Mom needs you to be ready to leave the house at 5" and then I immediately move on to something not wedding related. I dont give her the opportunity to comment on anything. I also end a conversation with "just let me know if you any questions or concerns about the wedding" and literally hang up. So if its something that really is a problem (not just a complaint) she has to call or email me - which she wont take the time to do unless its a big deal.

Long story short - too late - dont talk about the wedding with her. It honestly has solved all my problems with her. Its like if your puppy always chews on shoes left on the floor, you just don't leave your shoes on the floor. Make the problems impossible to exsist.

Good luck and I feel your pain all too well!

jennifer0124 · July 2010

My sister was also very mean when it came to a lot of things. I'd tell her what I wanted for flowers and I'd hear "well, I don't see how that is going to be very pretty" and stuff like that. As we got closer she ended up being very supportive but I did have to put my foot down a few times. Once she realized I wasn't going to give into her like I usually do (with other stuff it's typically easy stuff) then she was supportive.

Lisa8888 · July 2010

Your sister is not acting like a good sister never mind a MOH. I would fire her.

advice NEEDED for nightmarish MOH

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