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am i being a snob is this selfish? definitely a bridezilla moment

mikeschickiemikeschickie
First Comment
in Florida-South Florida
Okay, we are in the year 2010 and everyone has a new/their own way of doing things, but am I crazy to be traditional and want my bridal shower gifts to be about me? IMHO the wedding gifts are meant to be given at the wedding not at the bridal shower and I honestly think people have forgotten that. The bridal shower is suppose to be about the bride. period. I want lingerie, hostess gifts, bridal day of attire gifts, cook books, etc etc. I was actually thinking of doing a victoria secret's wish list and federick's lingerie registry. One of my Aunt's made a comment saying isn't the wedding gift enough? UUUUGHHHHHH
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Re: am i being a snob is this selfish? definitely a bridezilla moment

  • babytecbabytec member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    lol!!! I didn't know that the bridal shower was supposed to be like that, I was under the impression that you get gifts off your registry for the shower....hmmm!
    Well, I ended up getting both: I got tons on lingerie and personal items as well as things for the house...I was one happy bride...I hope you get everything you want Smile

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  • cinthia122cinthia122 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I always thought bridal showers were all the formal gifts and bachelorette party (before going out) is all the lingerie.   At least that is how my friends are doing it.  Double parties!! WOOOHOO.

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  • ohyouhavemyheartohyouhavemyheart
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    i totally agree with you. i actually have a friend who had a shower, a lingerie party and her wedding and got seperate gifts for all 3! so its definitely not common. alot of guests wont be feeling that too much since they have to spend money..but hey, that's what you get if you want to come to a wedding.
    i love the around the clock shower gifts and would totally love a lingerie party with gifts too haha
    and i do agree with you that wedding gifts are supposed to be given at the wedding..because its somewhat tacky to just show up to a wedding without one ..thats why theres a gift table.
    but then sometimes people take a gift to the shower and money to the wedding (cash box).
    so either way you put it, you kinda sorta have to give gifts for every event.
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  • BonboniBonboni
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I know this probably won't be the popular opinion but weddings are not about how many gifts you can get.  Especcially in these times, alot of people can't spend and spend and spend just because you are throwing multiple parties.  Weddings are about celebrating your love and commitment to eachother and having the closest and most important people around to witness it.  Yes, you are spending money to have your guests there and show them good time, but to expect multiple gifts is kind of selfish.  Sorry - you asked. 

    And I don't think it's tacky to show up at a wedding without a gift if you gave one at the bridal shower.  I have always given a gift at the bridal shower and cash at the wedding, but would I call my guest tacky for not doing the same?  Absolutely not.  If I invited them, it's because I love them and want them present, not their presents.

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  • mikeschickiemikeschickie
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My post by no means meant to imply that one should try and get as many gifts as possible. What you mentioned about the meaning of  a wedding is given, assumed, and at the end of the day what matters most. However, I personally just think people have lost insight as to what the bridal shower is suppose to be about. It is not about the money. They can gift me a 99ct cookbook for all I care. I just think they are separate occasions thats all. The Groom wouldn't expect wedding gifts at his Bachelor party -he expects a night out,  etc. Why should it be any different for the bride?
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  • BonboniBonboni
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_florida-south-florida_am-being-snob-this-selfish-definitely-bridezilla-moment?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:67Discussion:77460581-7f42-4aa4-9895-370912310003Post:5cd8359d-bd14-42f1-827f-37a86e9827a2">Re: am i being a snob is this selfish? definitely a bridezilla moment</a>:
    [QUOTE]My post by no means meant to imply that one should try and get as many gifts as possible. What you mentioned about the meaning of  a wedding is given, assumed, and at the end of the day what matters most. However, I personally just think people have lost insight as to what the bridal shower is suppose to be about. It is not about the money. They can gift me a 99ct cookbook for all I care. I just think they are separate occasions thats all. The Groom wouldn't expect wedding gifts at his Bachelor party -he expects a night out,  etc. Why should it be any different for the bride?
    Posted by mikeschickie[/QUOTE]
     
    The bride gets her own bachlorette party as well so I don't see how that compares.  I've always taken the bridal shower as a time to recieve gifts for your new home and life together, but we disagree.  Just a question, when does the groom get gifts?  Oh...that's right, at the wedding.  Again, your asking for multiple gifts.

    Listen, the whole point of my post is that you should be happy with whatever anyone is generous enough to give you, whether its a 99 cent cookbook that's meant only for you, or a toaster that will be used by both of you. 

    And I don't want anyone to be offended if I feel differently than you.  I'm just stating my opinion since the general question was asked.
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  • lmanzurlmanzur
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I totally agree with Bonboni on this.
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  • gatorgirl512gatorgirl512
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    IMO, you are being completely ridiculous about this. Nowadays most brides get their lingerie at the bachelorette party- who wants to open a teddy in front of their grandma??? And what's to say that you aren't going to get things like aprons and cookbooks at your shower? Not everyone buys off the registry on all occasions.

    And Bonboni has a good point. If you want a party with gifts just for you, throw a birthday party.
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  • ShuutnstarShuutnstar
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I can see what I think she was TRYING to get at... I think it just didn't come across exactly how she meant it to.

    I think she is saying, she would prefer to get all the cutsie gifts (which aren't as expensive as those coffee makers and vaccuums, etc) at her shower, if he guests choose to give a gift then. It is common ettiquette (according to the Emily Post Wedding Party book, my MOH sent me as a gift lol... ) to bring gift to a shower. Whether it is a physcial present or cash and it should be a value that THE GUEST is comfortable with....

    Soooo... My suggestion is this... when your shower invites get sent out... create a cutesy stuff registry. Find a place that sells them, even The Knot... and send your guest that as an option.

    But... we have to remember, the gift is not about the bride. It is about the guest and their relationship with the bride. If they want to give a crazy gift that they feel expresses the bride... or that the bride would just LOVE...  we'll we all have to suck it up... even if it is something we would never wear/use in a 1000 years. They love us and that is what is important. :)

    Hope that made sense! I haven't eaten yet... so....
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  • Lacey36Lacey36 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I never knew or heard of bridal showers being that way either. I always known bridal showers are hosted for the bride and the bride gets things off their registry plus whatever else people want to buy you. Then the bachelorette party is the one when you get things ALL ABOUT YOU. I have always bought a gift for the couple for the shower and then gave money at the wedding, now personally I would want cash instead of a gift for my wedding gift.

    Also I wouldnt think you should expect gifts such as lingerie and all from people at your shower, to me that seems more something like friends would buy you not family members, although unless you have a family where you can get each other things like that.
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  • Lacey36Lacey36 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_florida-south-florida_am-being-snob-this-selfish-definitely-bridezilla-moment?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:67Discussion:77460581-7f42-4aa4-9895-370912310003Post:94868220-509b-47b9-843c-e157ae75aa96">Re: am i being a snob is this selfish? definitely a bridezilla moment</a>:
    [QUOTE]I know this probably won't be the popular opinion but weddings are not about how many gifts you can get.  Especcially in these times, alot of people can't spend and spend and spend just because you are throwing multiple parties.  Weddings are about celebrating your love and commitment to eachother and having the closest and most important people around to witness it.  Yes, you are spending money to have your guests there and show them good time, but to expect multiple gifts is kind of selfish.  Sorry - you asked.  And I don't think it's tacky to show up at a wedding without a gift if you gave one at the bridal shower.  I have always given a gift at the bridal shower and cash at the wedding, but would I call my guest tacky for not doing the same?  Absolutely not.  If I invited them, it's because I love them and want them present, not their presents.
    Posted by Bonboni[/QUOTE]


    I totally agree with you to the point about this.
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  • TtotheGTtotheG
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_florida-south-florida_am-being-snob-this-selfish-definitely-bridezilla-moment?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:67Discussion:77460581-7f42-4aa4-9895-370912310003Post:41aa5d35-44db-43fb-b080-9d03dfa3c5c2">am i being a snob is this selfish? definitely a bridezilla moment</a>:<div>
    </div><div>I wasn't going to reply .. but this is killlllllinggg me.</div><div>
    </div><div>
    [QUOTE]Okay, we are in the year 2010 and everyone has a new/their own way of doing things, but am I crazy to be traditional and want my bridal shower gifts to be about me?[/QUOTE]</div><div>
    </div><div>No. It's about you getting MARRIED to the love of our life regardless of gifts. Understand that now and your planning will be a lot easier in the long run.</div><div>
    </div><div>[QUOTE]IMHO the wedding gifts are meant to be given at the wedding not at the bridal shower and I honestly think people have forgotten that.[/QUOTE]</div><div>
    </div><div>Forgotten what? Do you know what the definition of bridal shower is? "<span style="font-size:10pt;font-family:Helvetica;">A <strong>bridal shower</strong></span><span style="font-size:10pt;font-family:Helvetica;"> is a gift-giving party held for a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bride-to-be"><span style="color:#1549a7;text-decoration:none;">bride-to-be</span></a> in anticipation of her <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wedding"><span style="color:#1549a7;text-decoration:none;">wedding</span></a>. The custom originated in the 1890s and is today most common in the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States"><span style="color:#1549a7;text-decoration:none;">United States</span></a>, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canada"><span style="color:#1549a7;text-decoration:none;">Canada</span></a>, and by American influence, in <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Australia"><span style="color:#1549a7;text-decoration:none;">Australia</span></a>. Showers are usually coordinated by the bride's family who invite guests to offer gifts for the upcoming home of the bride and <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bridegroom"><span style="color:#1549a7;text-decoration:none;">groom</span></a> as a married couple (or more accurately of the bride, since the groom is very seldom invited to the shower). The history of the custom is rooted not necessarily for the provision of goods for the upcoming matrimonial home, but to provide goods and financial assistance to ensure the wedding may take place."</span></div> <div>
    </div><div>[QUOTE]The bridal shower is suppose to be about the bride. period. I want lingerie, hostess gifts, bridal day of attire gifts, cook books, etc etc. I was actually thinking of doing a victoria secret's wish list and federick's lingerie registry. One of my Aunt's made a comment saying isn't the wedding gift enough? UUUUGHHHHHH
    Posted by mikeschickie[/QUOTE]</div><div>
    </div><div>Normally all that kinky stuff is given at the B-party. Do you really want to open a penis shaped cookie and/or see-through edible underwear and body chocolate in front of your mother and grandmother? </div><div>
    </div><div>Now, if you by chance HAVE everything you need, you can kindly request gift cards perhaps. But, IMOH, people are going to give you what they give you. I have a registry and my first bridal shower is tomorrow and there are six things off of it. </div><div>
    </div><div>Oh, and what Bonboni said.</div><div>
    </div><div>P.s. Remember, this time isn't about "you" it's about "us" ... as in you AND your fiance, your fiance AND you. Weddings aren't about gifts or money - they are simply about two families coming together to become one - and, yes ... I'm serious in saying that sooner you understand that... the more you will say, "wtf do I need another banana hammock for?"

    </div>
    DX stage 4 endo 4/2005 Lap #2 7/2007 Lap #3 8/2009 uterus, tubes & cul-de-sec fused. partial bowel resection. LUPRON :( Surprise BFP 4/2010 Layla Grace 11/17/2010 Surprise BFP 12/2011 - stick baby stick! THE BLOG Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
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  • TtotheGTtotheG
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    oh and in my not so humble opinion... lingerie is useless. you are going to end up naked anyway... so pull off those sweat pants and be your sexy self! dont waste the money :)


    DX stage 4 endo 4/2005 Lap #2 7/2007 Lap #3 8/2009 uterus, tubes & cul-de-sec fused. partial bowel resection. LUPRON :( Surprise BFP 4/2010 Layla Grace 11/17/2010 Surprise BFP 12/2011 - stick baby stick! THE BLOG Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
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  • Kitty315Kitty315 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Amen Tess!!
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  • Vani3355Vani3355
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think I know what mikeschickie meant...cuz I remember wayyyyyy back in the day going to a bridal shower with my mom. It was only women, and the gifts were a range from stuff for the house all the way to lingerie. BUT women didn't used to have Bachelorette parties like they do now. That's why at the bridal shower you usually get stuff for the house & gifts for both.

    I honestly don't care if I get anything, I just can't wait to #1 Get Married!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    and #2 hang out with all my girl-friends and go out and just have fun at the Bach party.

    We're not even registering for gifts...just a Honeyfund, and whatever we get as gifts/cash/honeyfund is all just a Bonus.

    P.S. mikeschickie you already have the best gift...that would be you soon-to-be hubby
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  • NicoleJay312NicoleJay312
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Times must have surely changed since the last wedding I went to. I have never heard of giving a gift for the b-party. I have never been to one where a gift was given nor have I ever given a gift for one.
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  • mikeschickiemikeschickie
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_florida-south-florida_am-being-snob-this-selfish-definitely-bridezilla-moment?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:67Discussion:77460581-7f42-4aa4-9895-370912310003Post:4dc6adb8-ef27-4925-b0e1-95d10764d27b">Re: am i being a snob is this selfish? definitely a bridezilla moment</a>:
    [QUOTE]I can see what I think she was TRYING to get at... I think it just didn't come across exactly how she meant it to. I think she is saying, she would prefer to get all the cutsie gifts (which aren't as expensive as those coffee makers and vaccuums, etc) at her shower, if he guests choose to give a gift then. It is common ettiquette (according to the Emily Post Wedding Party book, my MOH sent me as a gift lol... ) to bring gift to a shower. Whether it is a physcial present or cash and it should be a value that THE GUEST is comfortable with.... Soooo... My suggestion is this... when your shower invites get sent out... create a cutesy stuff registry. Find a place that sells them, even The Knot... and send your guest that as an option. But... we have to remember, the gift is not about the bride. It is about the guest and their relationship with the bride. If they want to give a crazy gift that they feel expresses the bride... or that the bride would just LOVE...  we'll we all have to suck it up... even if it is something we would never wear/use in a 1000 years. They love us and that is what is important. :) Hope that made sense! I haven't eaten yet... so....
    Posted by Shuutnstar[/QUOTE]

    This is exactly the message I meant to communicate/ask about. Shuutnstar, THANK YOU FOR THE RESPECTFUL AND NON CONDESCENDING ANSWER. I DO KNOW what the meaning of a wedding is. Any gift I receive whether it's a toothpick or just the mere presence of my guest attending any wedding related event of OURS is a blessing in of itself. However, receiving gifts is inevitable. With that said, my family and I are really close. I could care less if my friend gives my lingerie in front my grandmother. I just wouldn't expect a wedding gift at my shower, then lingerie to be given to me at my bachelorette party, then money to be given to me at our wedding-which what some of you suggested or are accustomed to doing yourself. NOT THAT THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT... I'm just saying that I PERSONALLY LIKE THE order/manner in which gifts are given to be otherwise. I see a bridal shower as showering a bride with love(most important) and cutesie gifts. It is clear to me after reading all your posts that there is NO RIGHT OR WRONG WAY.
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