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Bridesmaids

NovaMetzlerNovaMetzler member
First Comment First Anniversary
in Chit Chat
My fiancee and I got engaged on March 10 and could not be happier. We are having so much fun planning and picking our wedding party. However, I have a long time friend whom invited herself to be a bridesmaid. We've been very good friends for about seven years, however, I did not want to ask her to be in my wedding. When she confirmed herself as my bridesmaid I was awestruck and speechless. I feel like I cannot turn it around and tell her she is not my bridesmaid. We are good friends, but there have been tiffs in the past and would rather have her as a guest than a bridesmaid. Any advice? My fiancee has already set his number of groomsmen, and I don't have anyone else to ask to be bridesmaid - so I feel like I am stuck.
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Re: Bridesmaids

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    First, your sides do not have to be even so please, for the love of god, do not worry about this.

    Second, that was incredibly rude of your friend to just weasel her way into your wedding party.  What did you way when she announced she would be your BM?  Did you agree with her?  Did you say anything?  I really don't know what to tell you to do about this.  I think how you handle it all depends on what exactly you said to her after she made her announcement.

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  • KimmyzncKimmyznc member
    First Comment
    My cousin did this to me as well. Lucky for me, I would have asked her anyway but it did throw me off guard. This is extremely forward of your friend and IMO all you can do is tell her the truth. It may hurt her feelings but she kind of put herself in that situation when she assumed.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaids-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:13601883-a5b0-401d-994a-c912041daedePost:296e16b1-5145-433a-88e0-131b83772359">Bridesmaids</a>:
    [QUOTE]My fiancee and I got engaged on March 10 and could not be happier. We are having so much fun planning and picking our wedding party. However, I have a long time friend whom invited herself to be a bridesmaid. We've been very good friends for about seven years, however, I did not want to ask her to be in my wedding. When she confirmed herself as my bridesmaid I was awestruck and speechless. I feel like I cannot turn it around and tell her she is not my bridesmaid. We are good friends, but there have been tiffs in the past and would rather have her as a guest than a bridesmaid. Any advice? My fiancee has already set his number of groomsmen, and I don't have anyone else to ask to be bridesmaid - so I feel like I am stuck.
    Posted by NovaMetzler[/QUOTE]

    <div>Numbers on sides don't matter, so that shouldn't have anything to do with this.</div><div>
    </div><div>It was rude of her to ask to be a BM.  It is impossible for her to "confirm herself" as a BM.</div><div>
    </div><div>When she brings it up, you simply say "We haven't chosen our WP yet." or "We've already asked everyone in the WP."  Lather, rinse, repeat.  </div><div>
    </div><div>Unless you've specifically said something including her as a BM, she is crazy to think she is one, and you are well within your rights to "clear up the misunderstanding" if she brings it up again.  If you have said something including her, you're stuck.  </div>
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  • lls31lls31 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaids-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:13601883-a5b0-401d-994a-c912041daedePost:0cf46dc5-da6d-4c4c-a58b-3444628cce5d">Re: Bridesmaids</a>:
    [QUOTE]First, your sides do not have to be even so please, for the love of god, do not worry about this. Second, that was incredibly rude of your friend to just weasel her way into your wedding party.  <strong>What did you way when she announced she would be your BM?  Did you agree with her?  Did you say anything?  I really don't know what to tell you to do about this.  I think how you handle it all depends on what exactly you said to her after she made her announcement.</strong>
    Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

    <div>This.  </div><div>
    </div><div>If you agreed with her and acted as though you were excited to have her as a BM, I would say that you're stuck with her.</div><div>
    </div><div>If you didn't really give a response to her assumption, I would somehow correct her the next time she brings it up.  For example, "Actually, our wedding isn't for another year and a half and we haven't chosen our bridal party yet."</div>
    21811_10151174643987291_1046283999_n_zpsddfa358c Anniversary BabyFruit Ticker
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  • NovaMetzlerNovaMetzler member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    Actually I am not on facebook at all (I am very anti-fb!)! We have been friends for about 6 years. There have been periods where we do not talk for weeks at a time. This past year our communication has dwindled, but we still try to get together for lunch once a month or so - needless to say we are no longer close. Long ago we said that whenever I get engaged she would be one of my bridesmaids. When I made the announcement that we are engaged now, the first thing she said was "oh yay I can't wait to be in your wedding and be a bridesmaid!" I smiled and said we don't have our details set yet but she will not let up. I know I have to be assertive here and just tell her she is not a bridesmaid, but I don't have the heart to do it - and I know it will sabotage the friendship. I think I have dug my own grave here...but we also still have 530 days until the wedding, and a lot can happen in that span of time!
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