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Question?

chelsy31588chelsy31588
10 Comments
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I have found a big way (through reading on these boards) that to cut costs you cut your guests which is very logical. BUT I have also seen on these boards people up in arms when someone doesn't want to let BP/friends/family/etc invite a date/child/friend because they can't afford to have them there. So which is it?

If your guest wants to have someone tag along that you either 1. don't know 2. don't like 3. didn't invite you just say ok well friend that I did invite, you are not invited anymore because you are going to be wreaking havoc on my budget. (Also I'm not talking about one person tipping the scale but multiple "guests" doing the damage to your budget.)

Or do you be polite grin and bear it let them invite whomever because you're not supposed to break up families/couples/social units/etc and let the damage be done to your wallet?
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Re: Question?

  • ErinG93ErinG93 member
    2500 Comments
    You're not supposed to break up couples, even if you don't like one of them or it's expensive. 
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  • PetalPockets2012PetalPockets2012 member
    2500 Comments First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-29?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c7132dd8-95b7-46da-9b6c-55fe633bd54bPost:2cb44c9e-576a-4753-b954-1e481c23a0bf">Question?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have found a big way (through reading on these boards) that to cut costs you cut your guests which is very logical. BUT I have also seen on these boards people up in arms when someone doesn't want to let BP/friends/family/etc invite a date/child/friend because they can't afford to have them there. <strong>So which is it?</strong> If your guest wants to have someone tag along that you either 1. don't know 2. don't like 3. didn't invite you just say ok well friend that I did invite, you are not invited anymore because you are going to be wreaking havoc on my budget. (Also I'm not talking about one person tipping the scale but multiple "guests" doing the damage to your budget.) Or do you be polite grin and bear it<strong> </strong>let them invite whomever because you're not supposed to break up families/couples/social units/etc and let the damage be done to your wallet?
    Posted by chelsy31588[/QUOTE]

    It's both. You can cut your guest list before sending out invitations as a way to keep your overall budget down. When looking at your potential guest list, you include the significant others. This helps you have an idea in advance of how many people you are looking at inviting.
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  • rsannarsanna member
    500 Comments 5 Love Its First Anniversary
    Exactly what Erin said.  However, you also don't have to invite children or if you do it is best if you have a clear cut off, age or preferably in circles, like only nieces or nephews.  (At least, I think I am right there.)

    If someone is not in a relationship and they add someone, or say you only invite Aunt Jane and Uncle Joe and not their kids, you should call and tell them "I'm sorry, but the invitation was only for you.  But I hope you and Uncle Joe can still make it."  Or something similar and polite.

    If someone is in a relationship and you don't invite the SO and your friend RSVPs for +1, I think the more appropriate thing to do is to allow the +1, because that was your mistake in the first place.

    I hope this helps.
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  • bunni727bunni727 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 250 Love Its First Answer
    edited April 2012
    You can't split couples because they are a social unit--this includes any relationship, no matter how it ranks in your eyes.

    I've never known parents and their children to be considered a social unit, so you can invite parents without their children and it wouldn't be an etiquette problem. People can get grouchy about it, but you wouldn't necessarily be in the wrong.

    My BP is allowed to bring a guest of their choosing: that isn't me being "polite," I just appreciate my friends and want them to have a good time.
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  • Jenni8412Jenni8412 member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    In Response to Re:Question?:[QUOTE]It's both. You cannbsp;cut your guest list before sending out invitations as a way to keep your overall budget down. When looking at your potential guest list, you include the significant others. This helps you have an idea in advance of how many people you are looking at inviting. Posted by PetalPockets2012[/QUOTE]This. I think the typical issue some couples forget to plan for is single people getting into a relationship during their planning process. A lot of headaches would be avoided if people would plan for that possibility from the beginning so it doesn't shock the budget!
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  • chelsy31588chelsy31588
    10 Comments
    The couple and family one I understand.

    I've had guests that I know are single asking if they can have a date, I'm not made of money people is what I want to say. Or I've had just random aquantainces ask where their invite is haha people seriously come out of nowhere to attend a wedding.
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  • chelsy31588chelsy31588
    10 Comments
    Oh I guess I'm trying to say, is it seems like a daunting task to keep on top of my guest's love lives so because at the time I invite them they are single that is how I assume and presume they will show up to my wedding.
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  • bunni727bunni727 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 250 Love Its First Answer
    edited April 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-29?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c7132dd8-95b7-46da-9b6c-55fe633bd54bPost:08c6c046-753f-447c-a2dd-aa0c2bf341c1">Re: Question?</a>:
    [QUOTE]The couple and family one I understand. I've had guests that I know are single asking if they can have a date, I'm not made of money people is what I want to say. Or I've had just random aquantainces ask where their invite is haha people seriously come out of nowhere to attend a wedding.
    Posted by chelsy31588[/QUOTE]

    As long as they are truly single, then they don't need a date. Just to be extra nice, I would give one to BMs, out of towners, or people who wouldn't know anyone else, but you certainly don't have to and it's a bit rude of them to ask.
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  • MyUserName1MyUserName1 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-29?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c7132dd8-95b7-46da-9b6c-55fe633bd54bPost:2dbee288-3b44-4265-83ce-d212533cb7ba">Re: Question?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh I guess I'm trying to say, is it seems like a daunting task to keep on top of my guest's love lives so because at the time I invite them they are single that is how I assume and presume they will show up to my wedding.
    Posted by chelsy31588[/QUOTE]

    <div>We planned based on the possibility that all of our single guests would have dates.  And then most of them didn't.  That means YAY MORE MONEY IN THE ALCOHOL BUDGET.</div><div>
    </div><div>So, everybody wins.</div>
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    It's not really all the daunting.  Unless you are the very first person to get married and a large percentage of your guests list are around your age, it's unlikely most of your guests are actually truly single.  By the time I got married I had 4 truly single guests.   I got married later then my friends.   My sister got married in the middle of everyone else and still really only had maybe 10.

     So it's just easier to plan everyone has a DH/FII/SO/whatever.  If they don't at the time the invites go out you have more money in the budget.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • myname1234myname1234
    500 Comments
    we cut all kids outside of the wedding party and assumed all single people would bring a date.   So far, we're 50% on those that are in relationships vs those that arent.

    And like MyUser Name said, we're using that extra budget money for more appetizers....it's a win/win :)
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  • chelsy31588chelsy31588
    10 Comments

    I guess here is a tricky situation, my aunt is in the middle of a divorce, I have already invited that uncle.....is he still invited? They've only been married for four months so he hasn't been in the picture for long, but since I've already invited him I can't uninvite him right? Also am I supposed to budget for someone to be coming with my aunt assuming she finds a new guy within the next four months?

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