Situation... Any opinions??

Re: Situation... Any opinions??

• amatadei member

  

  August 2010 edited December 2011

  I have a similar situation, though not quite so intense (we are simply BMs of each other's, not MOHs), with my cousin. The one thing I subtly requested of her, since her wedding is after mine, is for her to just be sensitive of my wedding festivities (i.e. try not to schedule her bridal shower and bachelorette parties until after my wedding). Honestly, it was partially selfish of me-- I wanted to have my time as the bride and not feel like that time was being infringed upon. But also, that way I can focus on her being the bride without constantly having the two of us being compared ("oh, look what Nicole got... Erin got a better one of those" or "ohhh, look at what she decided to do with flowers... Erin should have done that").
  
  Having a month apart is getting a bit stressful, but it works. If the weddings were any closer, I'd say that's a bit much. Most of the stress of planning is at the beginning and at the very end. A month means that her period of stress with be happening probably while you are on your honeymoon. So, as long as she is willing to recognize that her MOH may not be able to help out as much until after your festivities die down, I don't really think it's a problem. Really, as long as you are OK with giving up that new bride euphoria a little early to focus on her bride-to-be excitement, the sacrifices are mainly going to be made by her. If she is aware of that, then I'd say enjoy getting to share that special time of planning and anticipation with each other!
  

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• DolphinsGirl1 member

  

  August 2010 edited December 2011

  i see what your saying and i dont want that to happen either. But, our themes are two TOTALLY different ones. I am doing a beach themed and she is doing a Halloween theme. So, i dont really think we could butt heads there as much as far as the Ohhh look what she got or Omg you should've done that scenarios. I just want us both to enjoy the special times and still be best friends in the end of it all.

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• extoria

  

  August 2010 edited December 2011

  My best friend got married two months before me. It was fine, but it was a financial constraint for both of us as we live cross-country and had to fly to each others' weddings. We, in fact, were unable to take a honeymoon because we went to her wedding.
  
  The only thing I would watch out for is comparing - I know you say your themes are different, but how different are your budgets? At times it was hard to watch my best friend plan a wedding that cost almost $50k when mine was capped at around 12 or 15... still a lot of money!! but you know, even if you're not "like that," which I totally don't think I am, it can be hard!
  
  As long as both of you remember you're each doing what's best for your weddings and also don't stress each other out to much with the MoH duties (there is a lot else going on at those times in wedding planning), you should be fine!
  

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• DolphinsGirl1 member

  

  August 2010 edited December 2011

  I completely agree extoria.. Although our budgets are WAY different. She has a WAY better job and more connections than i do such as caterers, photographers, djs, etc.... I am using the same ones... well the caterer and probably the dj anyway. But, my FI and I have to budget accordingly since we are paying for the wedding ourselves. She is too, but like i said, she makes way more money than i do and also she has a child. I have never let that get in the way of our friendship before and i dont plan to start now. The way i see it, im going to make the best of what i have. Im sure she would even help me out (money wise) if i needed it. I guess im just confused as to the duties of the MOH and since it is only a month apart, with both of our bachelorette parties and stuff, i just dont want them conflicting.

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• amatadei member

  

  August 2010 edited December 2011

  The MOH traditionally plans the bachelorette party, but that is something that you can do the planning of before your festivities really take off (which happens about a month before your wedding). That way, you can plan her party, then have your bridal euphoria, take a honeymoon, and come back and dive right into her festivities. Perhaps plan the bachelorette for the weekend after you come back from your honeymoon (that's assuming you are taking a HM immediately after your wedding (?)). MOH also runs miscelaneous errands for the bride and usually goes to last fittings and such, so again, that's a matter of making sure that she realizes that she may be making a sacrifice in that department. Sit down with the calendar and have her estimate, as best she can, when she would like bachelorette party, fittings, tastings, etc to happen and in what all she would like you to be involved. Make sure to black out in big ol' marker and glitter and neon flashing lights the time that you will be "reserving" for your own bridal festivities, especially the HM, where there will be no flexibility or question of whether or not you can squeeze anything for her into it. If she can honestly say that she is willing to forego some of her pre-wedding demands of her MOH until you are out of that calendar period or schedule her things around that period, then tell her to book the date!

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