mass vs non mass

Jessynlove · February 2010

we origninally planned on a non mass... because over 100 of the 150 guests are non catholic so they wouldnt be able to take communion.

my mother and grandma are not happy with the decision. Father greg says our non mass will be about 30 min. I think this is perfect. We have all our readings ... just no communion. what do u think? how much more time will it take to add the communion to the ceremony??

sorry if this is a silly question ... thanks!

Theresa626 · February 2010

I think you need to do what is right for you and only that. Don't change it to a mass because of your relatives and don't have a ceremony only because of your relatives. What do YOU want to do at YOUR wedding? Would you like a thirty minute ceremony or is communion very important to you? I'm having 100 guests and they told me the mass (with communion) would take a little over an hour. I'm also having somewhat long songs too though. I would estimate at least an hour for a full mass though.

Clare13 · February 2010

Our priest has promised that our full mass will be between 45-60 minutes. As long as we pick short songs it will be closer to 45 minutes. He's really good at keeping the mass moving. Realize not all priests are able or want to do this. With that said through, it really doesn't matter how long it will be. If you don't want a mass, don't do one. Your mom and grandma are not the ones getting married. You need to decided if the full mass is what you and your FI want. Either way the sacrament of marriage is just a valid. Having it as part of a mass does not make it any "better."

Sidenote: I would not recommending telling the priest the time frame you want the mass in. I asked out of curiosity so I could plan the dinner time and this is what he told me. Had he said over an hour, I would have been fine with that also. Each priest has different timing for weddings. Just ask your specific priest what his normal time frame is for the two.

Karen's MOH · February 2010

My priest told us a full mass would only take an extra 10 minutes. At my sister's wedding to her Jewish husband, the priest recommended they not do a mass because it can feel like you are exluding the non-Catholics during communion. So, things to take into consideration, but ultimately it's up to you and your future husband.

kmm2150 · February 2010

If the majority of your guests are not Catholic, and therefore will likely not take Communion/go up for a blessing, it shouldn't add too much more time. That being said, I tend to agree with your initial sense that it might be awkward or uncomfortable to have a mass and communion with so many non-Catholics. If you want to stick to your guns about not having a Mass, you should definitely talk to your mom and grandma about this, and how, in addition to doing what you both want for your wedding, you're doing what's most sensitive to the diversity of your guests.

Calypso1977 · February 2010

i personally believe if you are both Catholic, you should have Mass. that is probably where your mom and grandma are coming from. however, if you do not want the Mass, its your call, your wedding. however i would not forgo the Mass simply becuase folks will be "left out". folks can still go up for a blessing, even if they arent Catholic, and can still partake in all other aspects of the service.

samurai21 · February 2010

I think it's a personal choice that you and your FI need to ake for yourselves alone. My parents were both dissappointed when I said we wouldn't be doing a full mass, but then I explained to them that FI isn't Catholic, and the only other family who is is one of my uncles and his family. No mass works and fits for us.

berrytr · February 2010

I agree w/pp; do what YOU want to do. I'm doing a Mass and most of my guests are, also, non-Catholics. But, it is what I wanted to do.

GulfCoaster · February 2010

I personally think that if both the bride and groom are Catholic, they should have a full nuptial Mass. (And my DH and I did, since we're both Catholic, even though none of my family is Catholic.) However, it's not "required," and it's your choice to make.

Adding communion when most of the guests aren't Catholic probably won't add too much time. My guess would be 15 minutes, but ask your priest. As a PP said, make this choice based on what you and your FI want -- not based on what your mother or grandmother wants.

AlexaGrant · February 2010

Would a priest get offended if we ask not to have a mass at our wedding? I am not Catholic and most of the people coming to the wedding are not Catholic, although FI is.

Thanks!

Calypso1977 · February 2010

alexa, he shouldnt. back in the day, tehy actually never allowed Mass if both bride and groom were not catholic. some priests still dont. my sister was not allowed Mass when she married, and her priest actually made them marry in the lower church - they couldnt be married on teh main altar.

does your FI want Mass? if its important to him, i'd consider it. also, if you ever think you may convert someday i'd consider it.

Kmartella4 · February 2010

I'm catholic and my FI is not. We decided no to Mass because it's we what we both decided on together. My whole family is Catholic and they are fine with our choice.

Like everyone else said, it's your wedding and your choice.

AlexaGrant · February 2010

Thanks. We don't want a mass, I just want to make sure it won't offend or put off the priest.

Erica1127 · March 2010

My FI and I are going to have a full mass, it just depends on how the two of you feel. Both of our families are Catholic and seeing that Marriage is one of the sacraments we feel that it should be a full Mass. Just dont make your choice based on other people but how you want to remember your day and moment.

lynnyloo · March 2010

This may be a strange question, but is it possible to just have mass/the eucharist for the couple and not the guests?

Lindze75 · March 2010

As other posters said you need to do what's right for you. I'm Catholic and FI is not. I wanted a mass because I'm Catholic and that's what I pictured. FI didn't want one because he isn't and none of his famliy is. After reflection on my part I decided that since FI was marrying in my chruch with a Catholic ceremony I should compromise as well and skip the mass.
When doing our pre wedding classes the priest actually recommended that for couples who aren't both Catholic you should skip the mass. He pointed out that this is a ceremony to celebrate your joining together as a couple and by having one of you and only half of the guests going up for communion you are highlighting a difference and not celebrating your togetherness. He was totally nonjudgemental about it.
I know my mom and grandma aren't thrilled about it but it's our wedding and our decision. I'm just trying to figure out how to draw out the ceremony so that it's not too short. I really wanted it to be 45 min so there's no gap before the reception!

Calypso1977 · March 2010

lynny, i have never seen that, and as a catholic guest, id be annoyed to not be allowed to receive at Mass.

mass vs non mass

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