will it be tacky if we only invite immediate and extend FAMILY with their children but not our frien

beach101010 · November 2010

Hello Ladies, My wedding is 4/23/2011 the Saturday before Easter. Many of my adult cousins have their own children and live in other states. I feel that it is appropriate to invite immediate and extended family with their children. My dilemma is that some of our friends have their own children (some of the kids we don't know) My question is will it be tacky if we only invite immediate and extend FAMILY with their children but not our friends with theirs kids?

Beachy730 · November 2010

I say its okay, because thats what we did. We said family members only for kids. We only have a few friends with kids though, and they all had told me how they were excited for a night out without the kids anyways, so I didn't worry about it.

BTW, you win the award for longest post title ever.

ohwhynot · November 2010

Well, it's what we did, sort of, and it probably was a bit tacky. We extended invitations to entire families if they were coming from out of town. We figured local families could hire a sitter more easily, if that's what they chose to do.

But honestly, I wish we'd not done that, because I suspect we may have hurt some feelings - people at the reception don't really know who those kids are, they just know that their kids weren't invited, but some kids obviously were.

In our case, there were only our own children and two other children under the age of 10 there, but even so, I wouldn't recommend it.

laladypoet · November 2010

are you close with these cousins' children? I say no kids means no kids.

Beachy730 · November 2010

I for one will probably hire a babysitter for any wedding we go to when we have kids, whether they are invited or not. Unless its family.

beach101010 · November 2010

thanks ladies I would love for the wedding to be an adult only affair but given that some of my cousins are catholic to ask that they travel on Easter weekend without their children would almost guarantee that none of my cousin would come, and that would make me really sad. Plus when I was a kid/teen and they were getting married I was invited to all the wedding for my cousins.

As it relates to our friends, I don't "know" some of our friends children and some of the ones we have spent time with are well...they are annoying.

Thanks again for your input.

K

Happy planning

Moneypenny424 · November 2010

In my mind, it is an all or nothing thing, but maybe I'm alone in that. I can understand nieces and nephews maybe, and I guess it depends on how many kids we're talking about.

Like PP said, when we have kids, we'll be getting babysitters so we can have an adult evening!

jemmini6 · November 2010

I think it's fine as long as you draw the line with an entire group. For instance, it's okay to only invite family's kids, but not friends' kids. However, it would not be okay to invite one cousins kids, but not other cousins' kids or one friends kids and not another friends kids. If your friends ask why there are children at the wedding, but their kids were not invited, you can explain that while you would have loved to have everyone there, you had to limit it to family only bringing their children.

DanielleZZ · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_will-tacky-only-invite-immediate-extend-family-their-children-but-not-friends-theirs-kids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a0ae6bec-01e1-4deb-adc7-f18df00e96d2Post:ac7b7911-2ab1-4e81-a688-910d019f02ed">Re: will it be tacky if we only invite immediate and extend FAMILY with their children but not our friends with theirs kids?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it's fine as long as you draw the line with an entire group. For instance, it's okay to only invite family's kids, but not friends' kids. However, it would not be okay to invite one cousins kids, but not other cousins' kids or one friends kids and not another friends kids. If your friends ask why there are children at the wedding, but their kids were not invited, you can explain that while you would have loved to have everyone there, you had to limit it to family only bringing their children.
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

I agree with this exactly, and it is what we are doing as well.

DanielleZZ · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_will-tacky-only-invite-immediate-extend-family-their-children-but-not-friends-theirs-kids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a0ae6bec-01e1-4deb-adc7-f18df00e96d2Post:ac7b7911-2ab1-4e81-a688-910d019f02ed">Re: will it be tacky if we only invite immediate and extend FAMILY with their children but not our friends with theirs kids?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it's fine as long as you draw the line with an entire group. For instance, it's okay to only invite family's kids, but not friends' kids. However, it would not be okay to invite one cousins kids, but not other cousins' kids or one friends kids and not another friends kids. If your friends ask why there are children at the wedding, but their kids were not invited, you can explain that while you would have loved to have everyone there, you had to limit it to family only bringing their children.
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

I agree with this exactly, and it is what we are doing as well.

ChickenOnSunday · November 2010

Who cares? It is your wedding. Invite who you want.

Beachy730 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_will-tacky-only-invite-immediate-extend-family-their-children-but-not-friends-theirs-kids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a0ae6bec-01e1-4deb-adc7-f18df00e96d2Post:40bf13ea-8dbf-4ee2-bb6f-7769f8d44f70">Re: will it be tacky if we only invite immediate and extend FAMILY with their children but not our friends with theirs kids?</a>:
[QUOTE]Who cares? It is your wedding. Invite who you want.
Posted by sgreen13[/QUOTE]

Because most mature adults care about the comfort and feelings of their guests, and don't get caught up in the "its my wedding so I'll do what I want" attitude.

banana468 · November 2010

I think as long as you keep a cutoff you're fine.

We invited the children of our cousins but the only children of friends who were invited were those that were nursing.

Summer2011Bride · November 2010

For our wedding we are only inviting family's children. We don't have THAT many friends with kids, however. So it makes it a little easier on us. I wouldn't worry about it; as long as you stick to the rule and don't allow any friends to bring kids, people should understand.

bethc28 · November 2010

We decided to say no kids across the board. Even though we'd know who was family and who wasn't, other guests wouldn't and we didn't want any of our friends to feel that we don't like their kids...plus, it's a night out for them!

ChickenOnSunday · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_will-tacky-only-invite-immediate-extend-family-their-children-but-not-friends-theirs-kids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a0ae6bec-01e1-4deb-adc7-f18df00e96d2Post:e364bacd-a655-44fc-8789-2f8f2f3b384b">Re: will it be tacky if we only invite immediate and extend FAMILY with their children but not our friends with theirs kids?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: will it be tacky if we only invite immediate and extend FAMILY with their children but not our friends with theirs kids? : Because most mature adults care about the comfort and feelings of their guests, and don't get caught up in the "its my wedding so I'll do what I want" attitude.
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

A future bride can also drive herself crazy trying to please everyone else. I stand by what I said...it is your wedding so decide which kids you want to invite and which kids you do not.

AlmostMrsStrong · November 2010

I'm very close with the children in my family, and they would be crushed if I didn't invite them. We're also doing only-family-can-bring-kids, but I'm looking into venues that have a seperate room for them to hang out in and color/watch a movie/nap with babysitter supervision.

will it be tacky if we only invite immediate and extend FAMILY with their children but not our frien

Re: will it be tacky if we only invite immediate and extend FAMILY with their children but not our frien

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