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Dr. and Mr.?!?!

Brittany&PatrickBrittany&Patrick
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
So, I'm a bride that absolutely LOVES the traditional Mr. and Mrs. things, such as the DJ announcing us as Mr. and Mrs., buying Mr. and Mrs. engraved champagne flutes and possibly having napkins saying Mr. and Mrs. on them. The problem is that when our wedding rolls around, I will be Dr. and he will be Mr. 

My mother is very upset that I would want to be called Mr. and Mrs. she says "you've worked hard enough, and should welcome people calling you doctor", since she is putting forth some of the money (I would say 20%) should she get her wishes?

Has anyone else had  this problem? What did/would you do? Thanks a million
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Re: Dr. and Mr.?!?!

  • IrishBrideNDIrishBrideND
    First Comment
    Why do you not like your title? If H was a doctor would you be ok with Dr and Mrs? Or do you just not like the woman being called "Dr?"
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  • ohwhynotohwhynot member
    First Comment
    When your mom earns her doctorate, she can insist on being called "Dr."  If she already has one, and insists on it, I would guess she's kind of a douche. 

    It's your name, you get to do what you want. 
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  • PsyDet 2155PsyDet 2155
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    What do YOU want to be announced as?

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  • laurenclaire1386laurenclaire1386
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    If you want to be referred to as Mrs., and you want engraved crap with Mrs. on it, knock yourself out. Just explain to your mom that you would like all wedding related stuff to be Mrs. and that plenty of people will call you Dr. in your professional life. I don't see why your mom really cares. It's not her title.
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  • annakb8annakb8 member
    First Comment
    Will you be an MD or a PhD? It is my understanding MDs always go by Dr. but PhDs usually still go by Mr./Mrs. in most non-academic situations. Still...I would just get the Mr. and Mrs. stuff if that is what you want.
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  • doctabroccolidoctabroccoli member
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    edited December 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dr-mr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5ece80b1-6725-4513-af4e-c812e1b34e43Post:f4343203-66db-40bd-afc5-9feba1993196">Re: Dr. and Mr.?!?!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Will you be an MD or a PhD? It is my understanding MDs always go by Dr. but PhDs usually still go by Mr./Mrs. in most non-academic situations. Still...I would just get the Mr. and Mrs. stuff if that is what you want.
    Posted by annakb8[/QUOTE]

    Umm, I'm almost finished with my Ph.D.  I've never heard that.

    ETA:  OP - I understand how you feel.  I'll probably be defending a month or two after my wedding, and I'm kind of excited to be a "Mrs." just for a couple months, hahaha.  I have no idea why.
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  • lalap69lalap69 member
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    I don't think contributing to your wedding entitles your mom to determine what you are addressed as.  If you want to go nuts with the Mr & Mrs thing...go nuts.
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  • J&K10910J&K10910 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dr-mr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5ece80b1-6725-4513-af4e-c812e1b34e43Post:92bc04d0-a632-4db0-9efa-1b43a87d1224">Re: Dr. and Mr.?!?!</a>:
    [QUOTE]If you want to be referred to as Mrs., and you want engraved crap with Mrs. on it, knock yourself out. J<strong>ust explain to your mom that you would like all wedding related stuff to be Mrs. and that plenty of people will call you Dr. in your professional life.</strong> I don't see why your mom really cares. It's not her title.
    Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]

    I agree with that a whole lot.  You've got the rest of your life to be called Dr.  I don't see the harm in being a Mrs. for one day.  (or forever, if that's what you really want.)  It's not like you're insisting on being called Dr. when you're not actually a doctor/PhD.  Now THAT would be weird.

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  • TurtlesAllTheWayDownTurtlesAllTheWayDown member
    First Comment Combo Breaker First Anniversary
    edited December 2010
    Meh, I think it's weird you don't want to use your title. FWIW, my husband is a Dr. (PhD, not MD), but I'm a Ms. since I don't have his last name. Rather than using Dr. Hislast and Ms. Mylast we... just didn't do the title stuff at all. Because we're NOT Mr. and Mrs, and I think it would be confusing to imply that we are. But whatever, it's up to you.
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  • J&K10910J&K10910 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker First Comment
    Also, I don't think your mother should get to choose how you're addressed no matter what, even if she was paying for 100% of the wedding.  It's YOUR name.  It's not something she bought. 

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  • annakb8annakb8 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dr-mr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5ece80b1-6725-4513-af4e-c812e1b34e43Post:80cf9b07-b591-44ba-a453-23e08fe1629b">Re: Dr. and Mr.?!?!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dr. and Mr.?!?! : Umm, I'm almost finished with my Ph.D.  I've never heard that. ETA:  OP - I understand how you feel.  I'll probably be defending a month or two after my wedding, and I'm kind of excited to be a "Mrs." just for a couple months, hahaha.  I have no idea why.
    Posted by doctabroccoli[/QUOTE]


    I looked into it a bit more and I guess what I posted before is a little old fashioned, and now it is mostly up to personal preference whether a PhD is always addressed as Dr. or not. I think it might also depend on what field you are in, if you are currently teaching at the college level, etc.

    Also, my FFIL has a doctorate in education but no one ever calls him doctor and he coudn't care less about it. He is the only PhD I know outside of an academic setting.
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  • TurtlesAllTheWayDownTurtlesAllTheWayDown member
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    edited December 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dr-mr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5ece80b1-6725-4513-af4e-c812e1b34e43Post:a0226f9b-59ee-4269-8f31-9c7e0a58248c">Re: Dr. and Mr.?!?!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dr. and Mr.?!?! : I looked into it a bit more and I guess what I posted before is a little old fashioned, and now it is mostly up to personal preference whether a PhD is always addressed as Dr. or not. I think it might also depend on what field you are in, if you are currently teaching at the college level, etc. Also, my FFIL has a doctorate in education but no one ever calls him doctor and he coudn't care less about it. He is the only PhD I know outside of an academic setting.
    Posted by annakb8[/QUOTE]

    This, it's personal preference. You wouldn't go by "Mr. John Jones" professionally, though. It would either be, "Dr. John Jones" or "Mr. John Jones, PhD." My husband prefers the latter, actually, and my stepfather prefers the former. Both have taught in the past but work outside of academia now.
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  • noodle_oonoodle_oo member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dr-mr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5ece80b1-6725-4513-af4e-c812e1b34e43Post:b0f94f4e-bf80-48a8-b633-2d3bb6ba502d">Re: Dr. and Mr.?!?!</a>:
    [QUOTE]What do YOU want to be announced as?
    Posted by PsyDet 2155[/QUOTE]

    Ditto 100%.  It is your title and your name.  If you want Dr and Mr, go for it.  But if you are only doing it because your mom wants you to, just remind her that it is your decision and YOU prefer Mr & Mrs.
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  • jemmini6jemmini6 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary
    I think it's fine to want to be addressed as "Mrs." on your actual wedding day.  Just because you want to be introduced as Mr & Mrs, doesn't make you any less of a Dr.
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  • mica178mica178 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2010
    Rather than titles, you could just be introduced by your first names or as "Brittany and Patrick NewLastName."

    Our priest introduced as as "the NewLastNames," rather than use titles (we're both physicians).  Everyone who knows us knows what our titles are, so I didn't feel insecure in the least that we weren't "the Doctors LastName" in the church.

    Properly speaking, usually PhDs do not go by "Dr." in social settings.  If that is your preference, however, it'd be "Dr. Brittany LastName and Mr. Patrick LastName."
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  • artbyallieartbyallie mod
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Definitely your choice. Being announced as/called Mrs. does not in any way invalidate your doctoral degree (be it MD or PhD).
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  • Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Combo Breaker
    H's cousin is a doctor.  she prefers to socially go by Mr. and Mrs. X and professionally she is Dr. Y. 

    i know if i was a doctor, id want to use my title but that's because i think like your mom - i worked hard to earn it, why not use it? 
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  • tenofcups4metenofcups4me member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    It's your call. But I do agree with your mom that it's a shame to not use a title you've worked so hard for.
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  • LauraT25LauraT25
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dr-mr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5ece80b1-6725-4513-af4e-c812e1b34e43Post:8f25f11e-1076-4c31-9d3f-ce2bfb239bf2">Re: Dr. and Mr.?!?!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Rather than titles, you could just be introduced by your first names or as "Brittany and Patrick NewLastName." Our priest introduced as as "the NewLastNames," rather than use titles (we're both physicians).  Everyone who knows us knows what our titles are, so I didn't feel insecure in the least that we weren't "the Doctors LastName" in the church. <strong>Properly speaking, usually PhDs do not go by "Dr." in social settings. </strong> If that is your preference, however, it'd be "Dr. Brittany LastName and Mr. Patrick LastName."
    Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]

    While I do tihnk it's up to the OP, I don't understand why you guys are saying this.  The (many) PhDs I know go by 'doctor' just as frequently in social situations as MDs.  In situations where they are not being called by their first names, they are almost always introduced as "Dr. such-and-such".  Younger people often don't bother with the title, but I find that to be true with the MDs that I know as well.

    If we had gotten married after getting our PhDs, we wouldn't have been introduced as "Drs. Lastname", but I think it's fine if that's what people want to do.
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  • KatyRoseMKatyRoseM member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    PHD's sometimes go by Dr, it depends on a lot of things.  My dad goes by Mr. because the school he went to doesn't call anyone without an MD Dr.  I generally go with that as well unless told otherwise.  It depends on region, school and type of degree. 

    As for what to be called, be called what you want.  My mom insists on Dr. in social settings and some people thing thats weird, others think its weird if she doesn't. 
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  • redheadfsuredheadfsu member
    First Comment
    edited December 2010
    I was always taught that with Dr. (medical or academic research PhDs) it was the preference of the person holding the title. So I would tell your mother that you earned it & you want to be called Mrs. (at least) during your wedding.


    Edit: People might be getting confused as some PhDs are not research degrees (they didn't have to defend) & therefore those people should not be called Dr. socially.

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  • sister2groomsister2groom
    First Comment
    Yeah, I always thought that TECHNICALLY medical doctors are the only ones who are supposed to use Dr. in social settings. I'm working on my PhD and don't plan on using the title in non-professional settings, but that's my personal preference. There's nothing wrong or weird about not wanting to use your title and it's not necessarily restricted to women, my dad is a PhD and he is pretty uncomfortable being referred to as Dr. in social settings.

    However, I would use for other people whatever they prefer. If, for example, I was sending out invitations I would probably default to using Dr. unless I knew they preffered otherwise.
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  • Rockerchick842Rockerchick842
    First Comment
    It is completely your call on how to be addressed, however, if faced with the same problem, I would consider all of the work put forth in order to achieve the "Dr" status. It takes a great deal of work (not that I need to tell you) to receive an MD, PhD, PsyD, EdD, etc, and one should be proud of the title. However, at the end of the day, it is your wedding. Do whatever will make you the happiest.
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  • SparrowSongSparrowSong member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    A wedding is a social situation, not a work situation. It's completely fine for you to use Mrs in social situations if you desire. However, guests may use this as an example and call you Mr and Mrs on every piece of mail for the rest of your life, instead of using Dr.
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  • Brittany&PatrickBrittany&Patrick
    First Comment
    Thanks for the help once again girls! 

    I loved the social vs professional classification, that will win my case with mother dearest. Mrs. is it. = )   

    SideNote @IrishBride: I do not mind women being called doctors, IMHO it just sounds unconventional to me (I would consider myself a tradition bride...?)
    @others- I will be a PharmD 
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  • IrishBrideNDIrishBrideND
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dr-mr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5ece80b1-6725-4513-af4e-c812e1b34e43Post:4682a3d1-eaf2-43a4-aa1a-1242ebe4ba2f">Re: Dr. and Mr.?!?!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks for the help once again girls!  I loved the social vs professional classification, that will win my case with mother dearest. Mrs. is it. = )    SideNote @IrishBride: I do not mind women being called doctors, IMHO it just sounds unconventional to me (I would consider myself a tradition bride...?) @others- I will be a PharmD 
    Posted by Brittany&Patrick[/QUOTE]

    But would you be ok with H being called a doctor at your wedding? Thats my question. Just curious.
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  • Brittany&PatrickBrittany&Patrick
    First Comment
    @ Irishbride- Ahhh!! I understand- sorry!! Yeah, I would hate it if FI was called Dr. at the wedding
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