Is my wedding vision okay?

Legu · April 2012

So, there's been a lot of chat around the bar situation, cash bar/open bar/limited bar/no bar... I'm very new to wedding planning etc, I've never been to a wedding, and never had any interest in weddings until now. I'd like to ask people's honest opinion on wether this is the right route to go down. [I'm not one of those people that's gonna ask for opinions then argue with everyone, I'm genuinely looking for help]. This is the general wedding plan as a whole, please feel free to comment not only on the bar situation, but the wedding layout as a whole. My plan is to have some sort of alcoholfree fruity punchy style drink to hand out to guests as they arrive outside the ceremony venue, as I believe people will arrive a bit early and would like to offer them something when they first arrive. [Around 1pm] Have the ceremony, [1:30pm] have a dove release, then have photo hour [or so, I understand this can drag on a bit]. During photo hour when guests will be milling around, I plan to have a table set up with various fruit juices, bottles of spirits, different cutup pieces of fruit [strawberries, grapes, cherries] as a kind of DIY cocktail station [overseen by a responsible staffmember]. The idea being that guests can have a bit of fun creating their own cocktails. Also, a flower station with ribbon and flowers in wedding colours, pins, and bits and pieces for people to DIY a small bouquet or flower pin. Then during the wedding brunch [this will be around 3:304pm on a Sunday] there will be wine, bottles of lager and cider on the tables for people to help themselves to. If these require replenishing at any point during the meal, guests will be welcome to request more from the waiters. Also, if a spirit is preferred, they can similarly ask a waiter to get that for them from the bar. After the brunch, we'll move through to the reception hall. Planned reception start time is around 6pm. At this point, I'm looking at providing soft drinks all night, and three alcoholic drinks per guest. After that, they're welcome to purchase more alcohol if they wish, or drink as much water/soda/juice as they like. A small buffet will be provided around 8:30pm as people will be getting hungry again by then. I'd expect the reception to be over by 11pm/midnight. Everyone will be invited to the whole day as it works out cheaper with the deal the venue offers. They will have to get there on their own [maps, train times from various locations, taxi information and parking details will all be provided] and they will have a hotel room provided for the night of the wedding [also part of the deal]. Including the entire wedding party, there will be around 6070 people. Does that sound okay, do you think? What would you change? Please bear in mind that I'm in the UK, so some things may be a bit odd for USA but expected over here. If there's anything I haven't made clear, please ask and I'll try to explain better. Many thanks for your help.

DeannaCW · April 2012

Don't do the dove release. If they're real doves, you are "releasing" them to certain death. And even with white homing pigeons, there is that possibility.

Prepare to get flamed for the cash bar option. Personally I wouldn't care, and FI's also from England, and to his family a dry wedding would be more rude than a cash bar which are our only two options (finances). But a lot of people here think they're rude. I personally have never hosted alcohol for any party ever, don't drink, and don't care to spend money I don't have so other people can get drunk. But to smooth things over with his side, alcohol has to be a choice. From what FI said was normal and what I saw at his best friend's wedding though, it looks as though you're being generous with drinks already.

DelBride2012 · April 2012

My concern is that you seem to not have sugarfree options. At least have water on hand for people who need to watch their sugar consumption for whatever reason.

As far as "cash bar" goes, it sounds like you have something more like a limited bar, which seems fine.

bonge · April 2012

I would not do a dove release.

Are the cash bar after 3 drinks normal over there?

Is it a holiday weekend? 11 or 12 seems late for a sunday.

Also the flower thing seems weird to me. I would not want to make a flower pin or bouquet & i can see a lot of wasted materials but cute idea in theory.

Legu · April 2012

Deanna: the only reason I'm looking at doing the dove release with a professional company. Their website is loveydoveyuk [sorry, don't know how to link] and they have the utmost care and respect for their birds. They have strict release requirements and will not allow it unless conditions are perfect for their birds to return home. This means if they are unable to release on the day, I stand to lose some if not all of the money, but I'm okay with that, as I realise it's for the protection of the bird. As far as getting flamed for a cash bar, I'm okay with that [maybe not a flaming, as such but, that's why I'm here, to see if I need to rethink anything]. My point is that I will be providing drinks all day, it's just an optional extra for people to have more if they like... If it was just me, I'd have a dry wedding 'cause I'm just not a drinker, but it's not so I'm desperately trying to make sure guests are catered for without breaking the bank. Delbride: I should have said that the water/soda/juices would be available all day, that's my fault. Ensuring some sort of sugarfree option is important though, and I'll try to find something more exciting than just water. Thanks for the heads up.

Legu · April 2012

Bonge: I may look into a different symbolic thing other than the dove release if too many people think its a bad idea... I don't really know what's normal, but I figure if I can at least offer some drinks, that's better than nothing at all, right? It's not a holiday weekend, but all guests will have a hotel room for the Sunday night, and will be aware of the date well in advance sept 2014 so most people will be able to get the day off work. I'm not overly sure on the flower thing either, and may drop it... Saw it somewhere and thought the same, cute idea. I'll need to look into it further to see if it would actually work.

bonge · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-my-wedding-vision-okay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9ee828d2-464b-482d-a6ac-393fb66d228aPost:8d8edbd9-c83b-455a-8bab-411f0ad867eb">Re:Is my wedding vision okay?</a>:
[QUOTE]Bonge: I may look into a different symbolic thing other than the dove release if too many people think its a bad idea... I don't really know what's normal, but I figure if I can at least offer some drinks, that's better than nothing at all, right? It's not a holiday weekend, but all guests will have a hotel room for the Sunday night, and will be aware of the date well in advance sept 2014 so most people will be able to get the day off work. I'm not overly sure on the flower thing either, and may drop it... Saw it somewhere and thought the same, cute idea. I'll need to look into it further to see if it would actually work.
Posted by Legu[/QUOTE]

I am really trying not to judge you here so please do not take it the wrong way but why are you having a sunday wedding run so late? Even so far out i could not be guarunteed the day off (not that im a guest, just saying in general).

I would go with a holiday sunday or have it end earlier. Just saying. Take it or leave it.

I don't hate cash bars as i can not even swallow beer or wine, it wouldn't even make it down my throat before fighting to come back up, weird but tis the way it is, so i would rather be able to buy a drink than not be able to have any at all so i won't judge on that, especially since in some areas/circles they are normal.

As pp said the thing with doves is they tend to die after a dove release. I have heard that, but i can't remember why. Has something to do with them not adapting to the wild if they do not find their way back.

Lisa50 · April 2012

Perhaps you might think of it this way ... if you were hosting a brunch or dinner party at your home, would you serve alcohol (hard liquor, beer and/or wine) to your guests? If the answer is yes, then, logically, you'd do so at your wedding reception. Next question ... would you ask/expect your guests who come to your home for brunch or dinner to give you cash for the mimosas, wine or cocktails? I think not The bottom line, do not serve what you cannot afford.

mkrupar · April 2012

Is the cash bar thing because you can't afford it? The wedding is in 2014, that's over two years away! I'm pretty sure you could save up the cash to host your guests properly. IMO cash bars are rude, regardless of region, and what "people are used to". If you're looking to follow the etiquette on the situation, then etiquette says no cash bars. So either have the alcohol all night, or don't have it at all.

I'm also against the dove release.

I wouldn't want to make a bouttonier or bouquet at a wedding.

I like that you'll have refreshments for guests at the start of the ceremony. Agree with PP on some non-sugary options.

This is an awfully long wedding for a Sunday. Your ceremony is a 1pm and you expect people to still be partying until 11 or 12? If your brunch starts at 3:30 or 4, and you're only having 60-70 people you can plan for that to only take about an hour, not 2-2.5 hours. So really the dancing part would start closer to 4:30-5ish. Figure about two to three hours of dancing and it'll be over by 8 at the latest. Stretching it out especially on a non-holiday Sunay isn't a great idea. Most of your guests will probably leave early anyway.

I had a brunch event and the ceremony was at 9:30am. Cocktails from 10:00am-10:45ish. Brunch at 11am, then some dancing. The whole thing was over by 2:30-3pm. So like 6 hours. Not almost 12 like you're planning.

mica178 · April 2012

No dove release.

Except for children present, I would not think most guests would find a make-your-own bouquet activity appealing.

Why not just have the reception end after the brunch (plus a little dancing)? You'd be able to host everything fully rather than cut people off later. If people want to keep on celebrating after brunch, they can, but then you wouldn't have to host them. I think it's fine to skip an evening reception for a Sunday wedding.

brilibby4 · April 2012

I defintiely think the event you have in mind is hours too long. I'm worried you would pay for the reception hall for nothing because probably only a very few guest would stick around long enough to attend that part. I say either have guests go straight to the reception hall after the ceremony for a coctail hour of some sort (while you are having your pictures taken), or stay at the ceremony site the entire time.

I would skip the "activities". Most guest can entertain themselves with conversation, food, and maybe some music. I would be very confused so see the flower station. Also, the "make your own drink station" does not sound fun...it just sounds like refreshments.

I always thought of brunch as breakfast and lunch combined...so a meal at 4:00 would not be brunch imo. Just a heads up on that one.

I would skip the drinks at the tables at the reception and have an open or limited bar all afternoon instead of the 3 drink limit. If you shorten the reception time you can put that saved money toward the bar!

Summer2011Bride · April 2012

I say no to the dove release too.

I also wouldn't enjoy making my own bouquets, but if you have a lot of kids there, it could be more of a children's station.

I don't like the 3-drink limit. I hate to put a limit on anything at a wedding. I would personally try to save up enough money to provide alcohol the entire time to all my guests without a limit.

To solve this, you could simply end the reception after the brunch. I do agree it's going pretty late for a Sunday and you're looking at providing two full meals (or at least it seems that way). If you end after brunch, you don't have to worry about the alcohol situation on later either.

ceh789 · April 2012

PP covered most everything I'd comment on except your idea about having a DIY cocktail station - here in the US it would be extraordinarily difficult to find a venue that would allow that due to liquor laws. If it's different there then I don't see anything wrong with it, just a word of caution that it might not be allowed.

MrsGandthebeag · April 2012

I agree with MK that this is way too long for any wedding, especially a Sunday. There's no way in hell I'd stay that late at anyone's wedding. It would be exhausting. Just end early like someone suggested and then you don't have to worry about providing more food and having a drink limit.

mbody · April 2012

I don't like the dove release.

I don't like the flower station. But, as PPs have pointed out, if you have a lot of kids, they may enjoy it.

I'm not a fan of the drink limit at all. How will you keep track of who drank what? Drink tickets? I don't think drink tickets belong anywhere in a wedding.

Host what you can afford.

I'd suggest having only one meal plus appetizers. I wouldn't stick around long enough to eat twice at a wedding. My suggestion is to cut the late buffet and a couple hours off the wedding time (especially on a Sunday.) Then, with the money you save by doing those, you can hopefully pay for unlimited drinks.

LetsHikeToday · April 2012

Honestly, that seems like too long of a day. Are you expecting guests to be at one venue or another from 1-11? I just think that's too long not to mention I only see brunch and a light buffet for dinner. Your plan just seems so spread out with not a whole lot going on. Can you just have the lunch and dancing after and then call it a day? Or could you push the ceremony back and instead of the brunch have a regular dinner reception? Also no to the doves.

lodonnell616 · April 2012

Not sure about the uk but in Ireland it's pretty standard to have unlimited wine passed with the meal and a cash bar for anything else. I've been to many Irish weddings and this is how it's been done at all of them. As an American, I would only choose open bar as that's more frequently the custombut I would guess that the uk is closer to Ireland in terms of what is acceptable practice for the bar situation.

OliveOilsMom · April 2012

I also agree with shortening the day. You wouldn't have to pay for the hotel room for your guests or the late buffet. That should allow you to change your budget to allow an open bar.

And I think the flower station will just be a waste of money. Even if you get less expensive flowers, I don't think many adults will partake in the idea.

pkontk · April 2012

That sounds like a LONG day. And I love weddings.

I agree with PPs - do the ceremony (and beverages before, be sure to have water on hand), allow time afterwards for photos, have brunch with whatever drinks/spirits you were going to have, and dance time. People can be drunk until 4 or 5 PM and still be able to sober up for work the next day!

HockeyFan4 · April 2012

Did you really say you are having more than 6000 guests?!?!?!

Megan+Adam · April 2012

Having never been to a wedding in the UK, I can't say for sure what's socially acceptable over there.

Please don't do the doves though. I know it's pretty, but it's also cruel. Animals are sentient beings, they shouldn't be used as props.

Good luck!

owengirl996 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-my-wedding-vision-okay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9ee828d2-464b-482d-a6ac-393fb66d228aPost:bcd48272-8679-4cd8-9532-5db407f744f6">Re: Is my wedding vision okay?</a>:
[QUOTE]Did you really say you are having more than 6000 guests?!?!?!
Posted by HockeyFan4[/QUOTE]

...Thought I was the only one noticing this lol I'm thinking/hoping it's a typo? I don't even know half that many people!

kroot87 · April 2012

It sounds like a VERY long day. If your ceremony is at 1:30, I would expect to be leaving your reception by 6:30-7ish at the latest. And I don't get the idea of brunch that late in the afternoon. I'd be slightly irritated at having to make my own cocktail.. it's a cute idea for a backyard BBQ but not for a wedding, IMO. No doves, no flower station, and host what you can afford where beverages are concerned.

Aside from that, you seem to have some really creative ideas. Happy planning!

erin7264 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-my-wedding-vision-okay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9ee828d2-464b-482d-a6ac-393fb66d228aPost:bcd48272-8679-4cd8-9532-5db407f744f6">Re: Is my wedding vision okay?</a>:
[QUOTE]Did you really say you are having more than 6000 guests?!?!?!
Posted by HockeyFan4[/QUOTE]

I'm guessing she meant 60-70.

KJeffs · April 2012

I think she means 60 to 70 people, but I could be wrong??

aragx6 · April 2012

Maybe I'm just an alcoholic, but we regularly go to brunch with friends on Sat/Sun between 2:30 and 4. Several of our favorite places serve brunch all day. So I don't think it's at all weird to do brunch in the afternoon.

That said, I second everyone else's advice about scaling back, shortening the day and not releasing a dove.

QueerFemme · April 2012

Another vote for NOT doing the dove release. I think this is an extremely outdated concept.   I also think your day is way to long. If you are starting your ceremony at 1:30, I would think your reception should probably be wrapping up by around 8 at most.   If you feel like you want to keep partying, you can always end the reception at 8 and move to a local pub/bar.

Also, instead of passing out cups of fruit punch when people arrive, I would consider passing out cold bottled water.

As far as your guests having to ask for wine/lager to be refilled... your wait staff should just keep an eye on the tables and re-fill them as needed.   II would not limit the drinks to three per person, and just make it an open bar, instead of bringing out an extra round of food at 8pm.     You will save the money on the next round of food, so you should be able to afford the open bar.   If you want to make sure guests have had enough to eat. Just bring out some cheese/cracker, light appetizer trays around 6pm after guests have finished their afternoon meals.

hannahmassey · April 2012

Wow! 1 to 11 pm! I would cut it off after "brunch" and call the "brunch" "dinner" or "lunch" instead. Put a limited bar and appetizers out there after the wedding/ when you are doing pictures and call it a "cocktail hour." Anything after that I would call an after party and have a cash bar. DIY flowers seems strange. Why not have your bridesmaids or your mom and MIL arrange the corsages then put them on a table for people to choose. Maybe 10 hours is the norm in the UK. Haven't a clue really.

nlindsay17 · April 2012

There is no way she would be providing a hotel room for over 6000 people. Lol. You have some nice ideas but people here are trying to save you some money that you may be wasting. Best of luck!

aurianna · April 2012

Agree with PPs... shorten it. Ceremony. Brunch. Some dancing.
That way you can have a full open with bellinis, mimosas, bloody marys, champagne and whatever else for the whole event since you won't be paying for two meals.

And if you and your closer friends want to party until midnight (or later!), you guys can totally go and find a place to do it that evening, and it will probably be more fun and less stressful since you won't be worrying about your guests / other wedding logistics.

Personally I think the make your own cocktail stand is kinda fun, but only on the following two conditoins:
1. there is still another way for guests to get their drinks (either a limited bar or waitstaff that would walk around with pre-poured champagne or wine or whatever to offer guests. While some people might really enjoy all the choices and the novelty of the concept of making their own drink (I probably would), some guests may just want to get their drink and not have to work hard for it.

2. That it was setup in a magical way that would make it not too crowded. This would mean having space around it and having it accessible from all sides. Also would mean having duplicate bottles of alcohol and mixers distributed throughout the table so there aren't four people waiting for one person to finish pouring whatever.

Agreed that flower station would be good for kids. Adorable even.
If you aren't having a lot of kids though.... you'd just need to judge your guest list. If you have a great number of friends who are very artistic and crafty, then maybe this would be the right thing for your group of friends. If you can't think of any off hand, maybe just get some feedback from those who might be coming. Make sure you get some positive, honest feedback on that one before investing in it.

Legu · April 2012

Okay, gotta be quick so I'll reply in bullet form... Loads of awesome responses, thank you ever so much guys, you've all given me a lot to think about. 1. I wouldn't expect guests at my house to buy drink, but at the same time, I'd know ahead of time what these people like to drink, and then I'd still only be able to afford a certain amount. My worry with a limited bar is that people won't be able to get the drinks they want. 2. We have budgeted very carefully. By July 2014 we aim to have saved £15,000 for the wedding, minus of course what we'll have paid for by then, which is hopefully pretty much everything. 3. Loads of people against the doves, so I think I'm gonna drop it and hunt for something else to do instead. It was a nice idea but, clearly, I hadn't thought it through properly. 4. Also, gonna drop the flower thing. Still trying to come up with some way to entertain guests during photo time (I really don't want people to be bored).

Is my wedding vision okay?

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