Moms and Maids

Mom says I shouldn't makw a big deal of wedding because of my kid.....

My mother doesn't seem to think that I should make a big deal out of my wedding because I have a child already.  The groom is not the father.  She says that we should go to Vegas and elope or just go to the court house.  Is she right??

Re: Mom says I shouldn't makw a big deal of wedding because of my kid.....

  • edited December 2011
    Your parents are not obliged to pay for your wedding, under any circumstances, if that's what she means.
    But having a child shouldn't preclude you from having a wedding celebration. Plan whatever kind of wedding you want and can afford.
                       
  • AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In short, no... I don't think your mom is right.

    If you can afford a nice party and want to throw a nice party, then definitely have a nice party!
  • edited December 2011

    That doesn't matter. You should have the wedding you've dreamed of and do it how you want it and what you can afford. Your mom is wrong in this instance.

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  • edited December 2011
    she is WRONG WRONG WRONG. Someone needs to get over their old school hangups ;)
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  • lalap69lalap69 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You don't have to elope just because you've had a child.  Your mom is being silly and old-fashioned.
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  • jaimed99jaimed99 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In what rules does it say that just because you have a kid, that automatically excludes you from having a nice wedding? If that's the case, I shouldn't have one either...I have two kids!

    If your mom's not paying, don't worry about it...just tell her "See you there" and make your plans...you deserve it just as much as any other bride!
  • KnibletKniblet member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Your mom sounds like she is being a little too old fashioned.  If YOU are paying, just tell her that it's your decision.  If she is paying, sadly... her wishes have to be taken into account.
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  • edited December 2011
    I agree with PP that your mom is wrong. However, wearing a white dress might be pushing it as far as some as your guests are concerned.
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  • lizstill13lizstill13 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Pay for your wedding and you can do whatever you want. Including wearing a white dress!
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-says-shouldnt-makw-big-deal-of-wedding-because-of-kid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:277f9a71-2dcf-4845-9c30-c81615b107f8Post:ead216bc-2c97-413d-bbfb-fea33bd421f7">Re: Mom says I shouldn't makw a big deal of wedding because of my kid.....</a>:
    [QUOTE] However, wearing a white dress might be pushing it as far as some as your guests are concerned.
    Posted by NatandIsaac[/QUOTE]

    Whaa? In who's reality??

    You can have as big of a wedding that you want, you can wear a GIANT WHITE DRESS, you can wear a VEIL ::gasp!::  jeebus, this isn't 1950. Do what you want!

    In short, do whatever the hell you want! Screw old fashioned, entitled whiners who think differently.
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  • KnibletKniblet member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ditto Hippie.  The whole "not wearing white" thing doesn't apply much these days, except when the wedding is more old fashioned.
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  • edited December 2011
    Please give Mom a calendar and show her that it is 2010, not 1940.  Having a child does not mean you can't have a wedding.

    Like any other bride, you can have whatever kind of wedding your funds will allow.
  • gperg001gperg001 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    seriously. I have two kids and I'm having a wedding.  And wearing a white dress.  As far as the white dress goes, just because you chose to have a child shouldn't mean that you can't do that, how many brides these days are actually virgins these days anyways?!  nobody makes you fill out a survey stating your sexual history, so really don't worry. Do whatever you want.  If she's not paying for it, you can say you appreciate her input but that it's your day and you disagree. if she is paying, just have a conversation withh her about how just because you have a child doesn't mean you should be punished based on old-fashioned traditions.  don't insult her by calling her old-fashioned, just let her know that nobody feels that way anymore and if everybody followed that rule traditional dress stores would go out of business!

  • SheilaSSheilaS member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My daughter has a beautiful 3 year old from a previous relationship. After we began planning her October wedding to the man of her dreams (the kind of guy any mom would be THRILLED for her daughter to marry), they discovered they have a baby on the way so we've moved her wedding up to May.

    I called the salon and arranged a rush on her big white dress. Last weekend we shopped together, she chose her veil, and I had the honor of buying it for her (as I wanted to).

    This wedding is about a joyful union of two beautiful human beings who love each other dearly. Reproductive history is a non-issue, so far as I am concerned.
  • lalap69lalap69 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You can wear a white dress too, contrary to what a PP seems to think.  White origally signified WEALTH not purity, which is a more modern association.  And anyway, most women aren't "saving themselves" for marriage these days so the whole idea is really stupid.  Have the wedding you want to have and wear the dress you want to wear.  And as long as you and FI are financing it, no one else gets to have any say.
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  • edited December 2011
    My fiance has a child from a previous relationship, and we are planning a wedding that we want. I think it's very archaic that your mother thinks you shouldn't have the wedding of your dreams just because you have a child. A child is a miracle, not a burden, and having a living miracle in your life is no reason to nix on any other dreams you have.

    We are even having our son (he's very young, and since I am helping raise him and love him immensely I consider him my own son too) as the ring bearer in the wedding.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-says-shouldnt-makw-big-deal-of-wedding-because-of-kid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:277f9a71-2dcf-4845-9c30-c81615b107f8Post:66b55263-92cb-4ce1-a049-652708a5cbc2">Re: Mom says I shouldn't makw a big deal of wedding because of my kid.....</a>:
    [QUOTE]My daughter has a beautiful 3 year old from a previous relationship. After we began planning her October wedding to the man of her dreams (the kind of guy any mom would be THRILLED for her daughter to marry), they discovered they have a baby on the way so we've moved her wedding up to May. I called the salon and arranged a rush on her big white dress. Last weekend we shopped together, she chose her veil, and I had the honor of buying it for her (as I wanted to). This wedding is about a joyful union of two beautiful human beings who love each other dearly. Reproductive history is a non-issue, so far as I am concerned.
    Posted by SheilaS[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>You're a cool mum :) </div><div>
    </div><div>I agree, have whatever wedding you want, my FH has two kids and we're having a huuuge wedding :)</div><div>
    </div><div>xxx</div>
  • 2dBride2dBride member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My two grown children were the attendants at my wedding.  And both of the brides wore white!



  • edited December 2011
    Have the wedding you two want to have.  Besides, a wedding is just as important to a groom as it is to a bride, shouldn't he have some sort of say as to whether or not he wants a wedding?  Sure there are people that might have snide comments or whatever but those aren't the kind of people you want in your life anyways, right?  I have an 18month old daughter and my fiance and I didn't want to get married just because of our daughter and we did it for ourselves.  My cousin has a 5year old boy and is getting married in two weeks to a guy that isn't the boy's father.  I don't think it matters how you get married as long as it is special to you.  And, I don't think the color of the dress matters either.  I would go with looks best against your skin tone.  Anyways, I hope you get everything sorted out and Good Luck!
  • JennaHRJennaHR member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Don't let her get you down. It's your day! I have two little girls, and even though this is my second marriage, it's still going to be an event. A wedding is a celebration of love, and should include your child, your family, and your friends. Maybe let your mom know that her comments are hurtful, and maybe if she doesn't agree she can skip the wedding.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-says-shouldnt-makw-big-deal-of-wedding-because-of-kid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:277f9a71-2dcf-4845-9c30-c81615b107f8Post:94e41979-00a3-4419-9345-b1929077f3c6">Re: Mom says I shouldn't makw a big deal of wedding because of my kid.....</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Mom says I shouldn't makw a big deal of wedding because of my kid..... : Whaa? In who's reality?? You can have as big of a wedding that you want, you can wear a GIANT WHITE DRESS, you can wear a VEIL ::gasp!::  jeebus, this isn't 1950. Do what you want! In short, do whatever the hell you want! Screw old fashioned, entitled whiners who think differently.
    Posted by hippie4yahweh[/QUOTE]

    Agreed there! Do what you want,  it's your wedding, not theirs.
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  • edited December 2011
    Thanks everyone for your imput....I am having a big wedding, I am wearing white.....It's MY day!!  LOL
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