Inviting themselves

mhammert · May 2012

I have a cousin getting married one month before me (we aren't really close but it is usually typical of our family to invite everyone). I was not invited to her bridal shower and the invitation sent to my mother was only addressed to her. I did not go but many of my family members questioned me and said I should have assumed it was a mistake, that I was invited and should have known better, and basically blaming it all on me. This is the second wedding shower I have not been invited to from the same family and both times aunts of mine have questioned me and I felt like they put blame on me. I do not care that I wasn't invited (and confused why family members care if I go or not) but I am worried that when I send out invites those same family members will assume they can bring someone who's name isn't on the invitation since they wanted me to assume i was invited when i wasnt formally invited. Any ideas on how to be sure only the invited come or specific wording? Sorry hope this isn't confusing

GoodLuckBear14 · May 2012

Are you talking invites for the shower or the wedding? For the shower, it's not your problem because you will not be the one hosting it.

For the wedding invites, use this as your RSVP wording:

__2__ chairs have been reserved in your honor.

_____ Jane Smith will attend

_____ Jane Smith will not attend

_____ John Smith will attend

_____ John Smith will not attend

For Single Guests who havea +1

_____ Jane Smith will attend

_____ Jane Smith will attend with a guest

_____ Jane Smith will not attend

For Single Guests who do not have a +1

__1__ chair has been reserved in your honor

_____ Jane Smith will attend

_____ Jane Smith will not attend

It's a little more work to do it like this, however, this way (unless you have a really ballsy guest who changes the number of seats on the RSVP) you don't have to make the awkward phone calls a few weeks before your wedding explaining that only the people to whom the invitation was addressed are invited to the wedding.

Good luck.

MobKaz · May 2012

""It's a little more work to do it like this, however, this way (unless you have a really ballsy guest who changes the number of seats on the RSVP) you don't have to make the awkward phone calls a few weeks before your wedding explaining that only the people to whom the invitation was addressed are invited to the wedding.""

As much as I agree that the above ^^ system looks good, there will ALWAYS be a "ballsy" guest or two who will either
__feel free to write in additional people (we had two guests "inform" us on their RSVP that their children would be attending)......
__"write-in +1 candidates" scribbled onto invitations.......
__alter/change the invited guest **(BF won't be coming, but I will bring a GF instead)

**Some might argue that in the case of switching a BF for a GF doesn't matter, because the "number" remains unchanged. We had a situation where 3 cousins from the same family were invited. Cousin # 1 is 20, cousins #2/3 were 12 and 10. Aunt wanted to "replace" younger cousins with a date (NOT GF) for older cousin. This is not a party; it's a wedding. We want family members and close friends, not random strangers.

My point is that no system will be failproof for guests that have no clue or sense of manners, so be prepared with a few blanket statements for rebuttal.

jmleejohnson · May 2012

You guys just made me terrified of getting back RSVP's but good to know what to try to avoid. We are inviting every cousin on my fiance's side and only aunts and uncles on my side, I sincerely hope my uncle doesn't think it is appropriate to bring his 4 kids with him (he lives in MN, I live in AZ) and also for my aunt's fiance's kids... oh dear lord.

mhammert · May 2012

Thanks so much, very helpful!

Inviting themselves

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