Just Engaged and Proposals

Engaged & Unemployed

Hello. I don't know how unusual this problem is but it is making me a little crazy. I got engaged about 1.5 weeks ago. I'm thrilled to death about that. I've known this is the right guy for me for a very long time.Laughing He proposed the same weekend that I graduated grad school. I just got my Master's Degree in Community Counseling.
To complete grad school, I had to quit my job. By that point, we were living together. I had to quit my job to do my internship. For the past year, our deal was he worked, I did all the housework, most of the cooking, etc. I covered my share of the rent with a student loan. I finished school in August. I started job searching before that. I had a temp job just long enough to qualify for unemployment.
So my conundrum is trying to plan a wedding on one over-taxed salary. Of course, I understand that we can do a budget wedding. I know this and I believe in cutting corners where we can and we will.
I'm just feeling so much pressure now and I don't know how to let it go. I'm job searching like my life depends on it but, almost every morning since my engagement, I've woken up with money worries racing through my head. Is there anyone else who has been through this and can empathize and tell me how to turn off the worries? You'd think a trained counselor would know this but I'm struggling. I've never been out of work before. I've always been a person who defined myself by my job. Without work, I barely know who I am. I love being a fiancee but I hate feeling like that is all that I am.
Thanks for listening. The one bright upside to all of this is that I've been able to start some planning for the wedding. I'm not letting this free time go to waste at least.
i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart) e.e.cummings Wedding Countdown Ticker

Re: Engaged & Unemployed

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_engaged-unemployed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:1c3eadac-32c3-4abf-ae63-f2ae0a0f6b1aPost:6ee6b932-69b3-4d9c-ae9f-ada392e70747">Engaged & Unemployed</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hello. I don't know how unusual this problem is but it is making me a little crazy. I got engaged about 1.5 weeks ago. I'm thrilled to death about that. I've known this is the right guy for me for a very long time.  He proposed the same weekend that I graduated grad school. I just got my Master's Degree in Community Counseling. To complete grad school, I had to quit my job. By that point, we were living together. I had to quit my job to do my internship. For the past year, our deal was he worked, I did all the housework, most of the cooking, etc. I covered my share of the rent with a student loan. I finished school in August. I started job searching before that. I had a temp job just long enough to qualify for unemployment. So my conundrum is trying to plan a wedding on one over-taxed salary. Of course, I understand that we can do a budget wedding. I know this and I believe in cutting corners where we can and we will. I'm just feeling so much pressure now and I don't know how to let it go. I'm job searching like my life depends on it but, almost every morning since my engagement, I've woken up with money worries racing through my head. Is there anyone else who has been through this and can empathize and tell me how to turn off the worries? You'd think a trained counselor would know this but I'm struggling. I've never been out of work before. I've always been a person who defined myself by my job. Without work, I barely know who I am. I love being a fiancee but I hate feeling like that is all that I am. Thanks for listening. The one bright upside to all of this is that I've been able to start some planning for the wedding. I'm not letting this free time go to waste at least.
    Posted by redheadedgeek[/QUOTE]

    Stay positive and keep searching. You can make the wedding as big and expensive or as small and budget as you want/need to. All that matters is that you are happy and marrying the love of your life! :)
  • FI and I got engaged back in Sept. and we have set our wedding date for 5/12/12. One of the biggest reasons we decided to have a longer engagement was because I will be graduating college in a few weeks and wanted to give myself plenty of time to find a job and get settled in before our wedding. Also, we want to try to give ourselves some time to save up for house because we are hoping to purchase one soon after we get married.

    You sound alot like me. I love to work and am very career goal oriented but had to quit my job for this last semester because of my internship as well! I'm really hoping I can find a job to start in January because I know I'll get super bored once I don't have school work to take up all of my free time.

    Anyways, just try to stay positive. You never know when you could get a call for an interview! In the mean time I would just say plan what you can and maybe if you really want a big wedding but are worried about the budget then you could push the date back (I don't think you said if you had set a date?) a bit until you get a job! Good luck ith the job search and wedding planning!
  • My FI is a career changer.  He was a graphic artist and decided to go into teaching.  When he proposed he was still in school and didn't have a job.  We decided to have a 2 year engagement to give him time to find a job.  So consider waiting a little while until you start to plan.  Good luck.
     
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  • I totally understand how you're feeling, and I'll ditto HobokenBride. We're waiting 2.5 years (1 year down) for the wedding because of financial reasons. I stress all the time about money issues since FIs back in school and not working, but I just have to have faith it will work out.

    Best of luck! Keep trying every day to get a job and try your best not to let your stress over the finances affect your relationship.

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  • Thanks Diamond!  Just as an FYI things did work out!  FI wound up getting 2 part time teaching jobs for this year but we just couldn't risk it.
     
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  • Thanks everyone. I appreciate the words of encouragement. At this point we are shooting for a March 2010 wedding. I figure that gives me 3 more months before we should be putting money down on a location.
    I'm not sure what size wedding we are planning. At this point, probably about 120 people but I don't know if that counts as big, small or in-between. Same thing with budget. We are talking about numbers but I am not sure what we will settle on.
    Argh. So many questions. Undecided My frustration level is HIGH today.
    i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart) e.e.cummings Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Dont panic! and try not to stress...I know that is much easier said then done!!  Just as everyone else has said, Stay Positive! You two can absolutely make it work!  We are in some what of the same struggle,  I recently graduated college in may(ugh the loans!) and the job market is awful!!! i do have a few Per Diem jobs at a few different hospitals, and even though to hourly rate for per diem employes is wonderful, the part of not having a guarenteed schedule is very scary ( for example, I did not work one hour last week at all!! :/ )!  FI is a mechanic and the shop is slow right now, but will turn around as winter gets closer and he has just picked up an evening part time job, and it stresses me out sometimes because I dont always have the money to contribute to things like he does... We have cut corners by having a family member arrange fake flowers for us, having a family friend as the photographer, we do also have some help from my parents.  We also had plans to move in together this upcoming winter, but have decided to hold off and live at home for about another 6-8 months in order to continue to save money. Everything eventually works out...we also have another 14 months until the wedding and our venue has a very helpful payment plan!  Good luck and try to breathe! :):)
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  • I'd hold off on wedding plans until you find a job. 
  • Congrats on the engagement!!!

    I'm kind of in the same boat... I am working fulltime, however, my FI is only interning (paid, thank goodness) but it doesn't pay a lot so he is still searching for a fulltime job.  We got engaged in Aug. 2010 and wanted an Oct. 2011 wedding, but we didn't feel comfortable planning a wedding that soon knowing that he wasn't working full time yet; we really want to contribute a lot to the wedding and make sure we are ready financially once we tie the knot.  So we pushed the wedding to April 2012, giving us A LOT of time to plan and save up, and give him time to get a job.. it's made us feel a lot more comfortable and less stressed..  It's not worth it to feel frustrated and stressed over something that is supposed to be wonderful and exciting... so I would just focus on the job searching and maybe push your wedding date back a little bit.  Having a little more breathing room definitely made us feel like we had a huge weight lifted off our shoulders!  Good luck!
  • Thanks. We are shooting for early Spring, 2012 right now. Not so soon that we need to make rock-hard decisions but within a reasonable time frame. Now I just need to economy to shape up so there are more positions available for just out of grad school counselors.Wink I'm working on it. I keep reminding myself that it took awhile for the Universe to send me the right man but it did happen. Now I just need some income so that we can have the party we want.
    i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart) e.e.cummings Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I'd enjoy the daydreaming planning now while you have the time to devote to it, and put off scheduling the wedding until you're employed again and can save for it. If you'll see a few posts up, longer engagements can be a PITA, but they're worth it.

    Good luck on your job hunt!
  • I only work 16 hours a week and am in full time school.  My fiance has been unemployed for a very long time and still has school debt.  I was constantly stressed out about the wedding and how we were ever going to afford a decent one.  I am not picky, but my fiance is.  He wanted something fancy and perfect - so we're eloping to Paris, France with a package that includes all the luxuries of a $25,000+ wedding for only $4,000.  We're having an intimate reception when we get back from the ceremony/honeymoon.  Since deciding these things, my fiance has been in a much better mood and has even found two random part time jobs to help with the financial situation!  My advice is take this time to truly find yourself and who you are outside of work.  Take advantage of the time you have unemployed to spend hours pouring over photo after photo of different weddings ideas and bargain websites.  Don't worry about the money aspect.  Money will come and money will go.  You will always be in debt for something in your life - whether it be a car, a house, or even your wedding.  As long as you keep your expenses to a minimum in all areas of your life - including wedding planning, you will be just fine.  Think about the big picture.  Think about how you could have a fabulous job and be making plenty of money one year from now and imagine looking back and feeling silly for be so stressed over something that you knew would change, especially since you are working so hard to find a job.  Don't be so stressed out about your finances, especially since you've only been engaged for a week and a half!  Enjoy your engagement.  Enjoy your free time.  Spend this time to get to know yourself and write done any and every wedding idea you have.  Do tons of research and read plenty of books.  Basically do everything, but put down any money on anything.  Unless you find some fabulous bargain wedding items.  Collect things over time and be optimistic.  No ones telling you how long you should be engaged for (unless there is...) so take your time and trust me, everything will work out :)  Hope this helps and Good luck! 
  • Congrats on your engagement.

    I'm recently re-unemployed.  I was unemployed for 9 months before taking a job I didn't really want.  I ended up absolutely hating the job (to the point of panic attacks and nightmares nightly) and just quit it.  Being unemployed without planning a wedding is hard enough.  I strongly recommend holding off on wedding planning until you feel a little more financially stable.  Prioritizing is important, and a big fancy wedding shouldn't be high on that list.  You want it to be fun, not a burden.

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  • My situation was pretty similar to yours. We got engaged in July right before I graduated with an MA in European History (useful, right?) in August. Because of graduation, I couldn't keep my job at the university and I was unemployed. It really freaked me out because I was not confident about finding a job (FI searched for a job for like 15 months after finishing law school and that scared me.) I got a part time job at a stationary store and job searched like crazy. In the end, I found a great job and got a discount on invitations. I guess my advice would be to keep your head up and keep searching, don't be afraid to take a part time job to keep you busy and make a little money. Everything will come together.
  • I know how you feel - I've been working full time for a while, but my fiance doesn't work. We're both still students... I took a two year break from college, so I'm a little behind. Honestly, we stress about the financial aspect of marriage. However, my parents are extremely traditional and are covering the entire wedding bill. My fiance swims, and has EVERYTHING paid for by the university. It helps our worries a little knowing we're only going to have my student loans to pay off. Honestly, try not to stress about it. "Money comes and money goes" is probably the best advice I've heard. You're never going to feel like you have enough, but everything will work out. Just breathe!
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