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Tension between fiance & my brother...?

spanglerwedding2012spanglerwedding2012
100 Comments
in Pennsylvania-Philadelphia
My younger brother is getting married this Sept. My FI and I next May. My FI planned to ask my bro to be a groomsman. He's excited to gain a "brother" and wants to include him. But my bro still makes NO attempt whatsoever to get to know my FI (we've been together for several years).

I've planned times for us all to hang out. My bro is a quiet guy, but he's impossible to talk to. He and my future sis-in-law visited last wknd and were in their own little world. Even at dinner, they talked only to eachother and it was completely awkward.

I am in their wedding but my FI has not been included, not even for the bachelor party (I do realize he doesn't "have" to). Also, they've NEVER asked us about our wedding plans. They're young, 22 and 23 - but it bothers me. My FI doesn't say anything, but I know he's bummed. He no longer talks about my bro in the wedding bc he doesn't think he'd even want to be. I feel so bad - my FI's fam is the complete opposite and has been SO warm and welcoming to me. Any advice?
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Re: Tension between fiance & my brother...?

  • miguelhilary2010miguelhilary2010
    5000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My brother is 31 and behaves the same way with my H.  Unfortunately, you can't force it, just assure your FI that it's not him and not to take it personally.
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  • Bean32Bean32 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    At the risk of stating the obvious - maybe you or your FI should talk to your brother. Maybe he doesn't get that your FI really wants to be his friend, in addition to a BIL.

    My little sister and her BF also do the weird talk-only-to-eachother thing when my FI is around. I think her BF is just really uncomfortable around my FI and can't be himself. I thought it would get better, but it hasn't really. Maybe it's the same with your brother and he just hasn't figured out that your FI really likes him.
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  • spanglerwedding2012spanglerwedding2012
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think that's what it is - they are both normal around me but with my FI, they act so quiet and stand-offish. Maybe they just aren't comfortable... who knows. My mom uses the "They're young and in their own little world" excuse but it's just weird to me. I might have a talk with my brother... But miguel, you're right. I'll tell my FI not to take it personally.
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  • angel33284angel33284 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    There could be some tension because your brother feels he has to stay on "your side" of the family. And I mean if you and your FI get in a fight your brother doesn't want to be caught in the middle between his friend and his sister. This is just speculation, but I could see this as being real.

    I think what you really need to do is find some common ground between them. If they have a common interest or two they will probably start talking and become buds. Do they like the Phillies? Flyers? Maybe they both have XBOX. Find something they can do, or talk about together.
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  • Bean32Bean32 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Ditto to Angel's finding common ground and getting them going on that. Maybe instead of a dinner date, you should all go to a Phillies game (or whatever the common ground ends up being).
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