Wedding Party

MOH BM's This is just my opinion.

I keep seeing posts that the MOH and BM's just have to show up and are not required to do anything else.  I have no idea when this happened, but I have to say that it makes me think that nowadays, you invite the girls that will look good in the dresses since they are there only as decorations!!!  In the "olden days" BM's and MOH's were an intregal part of the planning process. They also were put to work on the Day of the Wedding- helping the Bride get dressed, keeping her calm, making her laugh.   It was usually a very fun time, planning with your friends and having them with you to pick out your gown, trying on BM's dresses, discussing the decorations.  Most of the girls on The Knot seem to think that these types of things are below them.  What ever happened to friends helping out and making the Bride and Groom's day fun.  It is not as if BM's are being treated as the help as so many of you seem to think. 
 If BM's are not required to "do" anything but show up and put on the dress, I think that you could replace them with a flower arrangement and save all this angst!!

Re: MOH BM's This is just my opinion.

  • People do those things because they're friends and want to do it, not because they have to.

    Nobody's saying that bridesmaids should do nothing BUT show up in the dress. They're saying that that's all they HAVE to do. That's in response to people who come here whining that their friend is a bad bridesmaid because she skipped the bachelorette party in order to take her final exam, or she didn't come to the third bridal gown fitting because she was tired from work, and things like that.
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  • AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited April 2011
    Not all girls are into weddings.  Not all girls want to ooh and aah over a bride.  Not all girls want to spend hours upon hours gluing invitations or stamping envelopes.

    It is perfectly acceptable if your friends WANT to do these things, but what kind of friend are you if you DEMAND that they do these things? 

    There are lots of ways to support a friend and they all don't fall into the "go ga ga over her wedding" category.

    Also - I was trying to finish my Ph.D. when I was sister's MOH.  I simply didn't have the time or money to do much of anything for her.  To say that means that I was horrible MOH makes me quite angry.    I adore my sister and love her husband.  I cried most of her wedding day because I was so happy for her.

    If you lower your expectations to "just buy a dress and come to the wedding" then you won't be dissappointed over BMs missing things (because life does continue for the rest of us) and you will be thrilled wiith anything above and beyond that they do. 

    Seriously, think beyond being the BRIDE for a moment and remember that we all have lives.  Things don't just stop because someone is getting married.

    EDIT: there are minor typos in there.  Sorry...
  • Whoa StageManager14...a little bitter about something these days?
  • The reality of today is that people have friends spread out all over the country, most of whom likely work. Do I love my fellow lawyer lady BMs dearly and want them to be invovled as much as possible? Yes, but I also realize that they have high pressure jobs that don't let them take much time off. They are also in New York, Chicago, etc. And even my BMs in state are not free all the time for wedding planning. My one BM is an accountant who travels all over for her work.

    The bottom line is that brides today have to understand that BMs have tons of demands on their time, and that they can't be as involved as you might like them to be. But if you pick the right people as your BMs, they will still make your day special even if they didn't make to the bachelorette party or come to the cake tasting.
    -This is not legal advice- Wedding Countdown Ticker Image and video hosting by TinyPiclarger_image
  • edited April 2011
    The world is very different now than it was in 1965.  Wedding parties today are rarely all the bride's best friends since she was two, who still live in the same town they grew up in.

    Women have careers, and lives.  Of my six bridesmaids, two live in Maryland, and one each in Massachusetts, Connecticut, Virginia and Canada. 

    They are good enough friends to do things for me, like throw showers and travel for a bachelorette party.  But if they couldn't, I would understand that their lives, and their work and family commitments, take precedence for them over my wedding.  That's how it should be.

    I'd rather have a shower thrown by friends who want to do it, instead of someone who's doing it just out of obligation, or because they know I'll throw a fit if they don't.

    ETA:  And I certainly didn't pick my bridesmaids based on who will best accessorize my wedding.  I don't even know how you jumped from not placing unrealistic demands on bridesmaids to treating them as decor.  Give me a fuucking break.
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  • AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited April 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-bms-this-just-opinion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:97a10ef7-61de-469c-ac75-24fb03a41dccPost:9c639aeb-d92d-4e5c-8ee4-7c268abc6720">Re: MOH BM's This is just my opinion.</a>:
    [QUOTE]ETA:  And I certainly didn't pick my bridesmaids based on who will best accessorize my wedding.  I don't even know how you jumped from not placing unrealistic demands on bridesmaids to treating them as decor. Posted by hlq2011[/QUOTE]

    I was really confused by this, too.

    Because I just want my bridesmaid to show up in the correct dress, they are now floral arrangements?

    No.  They are my closest friends and I couldn't imagine getting married without them by my side.  I realized, as their friends, that they have a lot to do and only asked one thing of them.  The rest is just fluff, but their presence at my wedding is priceless.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-bms-this-just-opinion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:97a10ef7-61de-469c-ac75-24fb03a41dccPost:22a258e3-d20f-4b97-9f10-b0a27f54ce77">MOH BM's This is just my opinion.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have no idea when this happened, but I have to say that it makes me think that nowadays, you invite the girls that will look good in the dresses since they are there only as decorations!!! 

    Most of the girls on The Knot seem to think that these types of things are below them.  What ever happened to friends helping out and making the Bride and Groom's day fun. 
    Posted by dparisi[/QUOTE]

    Meanwhile, the latter part makes it sound like you're only interested in choosing people who'll be willing to do stuff for you and help you plan.

    See how stupid it is to jump to ridiculous conclusions?
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-bms-this-just-opinion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:97a10ef7-61de-469c-ac75-24fb03a41dccPost:22a258e3-d20f-4b97-9f10-b0a27f54ce77">MOH BM's This is just my opinion.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I keep seeing posts that the MOH and BM's just have to show up and are not required to do anything else.  I have no idea when this happened, but I have to say that it makes me think that nowadays, you invite the girls that will look good in the dresses since they are there only as decorations!!!  In the "olden days" BM's and MOH's were an intregal part of the planning process. They also were put to work on the Day of the Wedding- helping the Bride get dressed, keeping her calm, making her laugh.   It was usually a very fun time, planning with your friends and having them with you to pick out your gown, trying on BM's dresses, discussing the decorations.  Most of the girls on The Knot seem to think that these types of things are below them.  What ever happened to friends helping out and making the Bride and Groom's day fun.  It is not as if BM's are being treated as the help as so many of you seem to think.   If BM's are not required to "do" anything but show up and put on the dress, I think that you could replace them with a flower arrangement and save all this angst!!
    Posted by dparisi[/QUOTE]


    I was kinda getting the feeling that I was overworking my BM's but after reading this whole thread I realize that the reason I asked these girls is because they are my closest friends and they want to help. I haven't demanded anything of them but they have offered to help me with planning, looking for reception halls, DJs, attend bridal shows, etc. I guess every bride has a different relationship with her BMs. And my BMs: 1 lives in TX, 2 are nurses, 3 are teachers and 1 is in nursing school and all but MOH live in NY...(we are in NJ)..they are all busy but have contributed by talking to me, giving advice, and actually going with me to all the different planning stages. I don't demand this but I am happy they want to and can be so involved and helpful!
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  • Wow!  My BMs are my closest friends and family and I certainly chose them to be more than just decorations, but I also don't expect them to put their lives on hold for my wedding.  Of course they'll help me dress, keep me calm and make me laugh on my wedding day, but not because they are my BMs, because they are my friends and that's what friends do for each other.  I'm sure I'll ask them for help on the wedding day - I mean, who else but your best friends will hold your wedding dress while you have to go to the bathroom - but again, it's because they're my friends.  I do NOT expect them to travel across the country and spend hundreds of dollars for showers and parties.  I do NOT expect them to do their hair, makeup, nails and nails according to what I like and I do NOT expect them to hold my hand every time I make a wedding decision.  Yes, I'm getting married but guess what:  one of my BMs is having a BABY, two have  new jobs, one has a new boyfriend, one is starting her last year of college and one's son is starting kindergarden and all of these events are just as important to them as my wedding is to me!  Okay, that's my rant about why BMs are not "the help."

  • I put my MOH to work the day before the wedding, but only because she asked. She kept coming up to me asking for more things to do. Had she not of asked, I would have been perfectly fine with her sitting on the couch reading a book while the rest of us worked. Why? Because it wasn't her wedding. It was mine, and therefore no one else's job to put it together except the bride and groom.

    And no, she wasn't just a decoration. She is my best friend and it was an honor to have her standing up there with me.
  • Dparisi -

    I agree with you 110%!!!
  • I was married 30 + years ago. Does that qualify as "olden days?"

    My SIL, 2 cousins and 2 best friends were my bms/moh. They were not chosen for their looks, but because I loved them. They were not asked to do anything other than buy a dress and wear a pair of white shoes of their choice to my wedding. Since they lived out of state, they came in the night before the wedding and slept at my place. I didn't want them to have to pay for hotel rooms. They did their own hair, nails, makeup, however they wished.

    They didn't help plan my wedding. My parents did that, since they were paying. I didn't need any 'emotional support' because I was very happy to be marrying my sweety. They didn't plan any showers. My family took care of that because they didn't expect the bms to put money into a party for me, when they were already buying a dress and some were taking a day off work.

    My MOH offered to help address wedding invitations. I accepted her offer. It never occurred to me to send them to a calligrapher. One of the bms found a great deal on hats to match the bm dresses. She bought them, without consulting me. The other bms and I were delightfully surprised.

    Other than that, they posed for a few formal pictures, danced and had a good time at the wedding. And that was perfectly acceptable.


                       
  • The reason that ANY BM should be pick is because the Bride wanted to HONOR their relationship, not how much that BM is going to do for the Bride or decoration. I really don't expect my friends and family to help or even be interested in my wedding. They have their own lives and I know that their lives can be busy. If they have work or something else that prevents them from coming to events, I totally understand. 

    I don't think you get what we are saying. Many Bride DO have BMs that help them because most of the time the people you pick do WANT to help you because they care about you and make sure they put in the effort even if they aren't all about weddings. In this generation, woman are getting more into the work force as men and really this has cut the "free" time women used to have back in the day to help friends and family with their wedding. Also distance is a big factor, many people that you grew up with are grown and left the area, so unless people really make sure they want to put in the effort to hear your wedding stuff most people just don't focus on wedding planning anymore unless it's their own. Most people work full time (be it job or student), so if you have 8-9 hour worked day, plus 1-3 hours of waking up, making breakfast, getting ready, commuting to work, 1-3 commuting home, making dinner, 7-8 hours of sleep, that doesn't leave a whole lot of time to do much of anything besides relax or another extra activity (church, sport, etc), so I can easily see how BM don't have a lot of time now a days to focus on the Bride then "back in the day". 


  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-bms-this-just-opinion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:97a10ef7-61de-469c-ac75-24fb03a41dccPost:c333f6fc-8430-4970-adab-58fe7134b0f0">Re: MOH BM's This is just my opinion.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I was married 30 + years ago. Does that qualify as "olden days?" My SIL, 2 cousins and 2 best friends were my bms/moh. They were not chosen for their looks, but because I loved them. They were not asked to do anything other than buy a dress and wear a pair of white shoes of their choice to my wedding. Since they lived out of state, they came in the night before the wedding and slept at my place. I didn't want them to have to pay for hotel rooms. They did their own hair, nails, makeup, however they wished. They didn't help plan my wedding. My parents did that, since they were paying. I didn't need any 'emotional support' because I was very happy to be marrying my sweety. They didn't plan any showers. My family took care of that because they didn't expect the bms to put money into a party for me, when they were already buying a dress and some were taking a day off work. My MOH offered to help address wedding invitations. I accepted her offer. It never occurred to me to send them to a calligrapher. One of the bms found a great deal on hats to match the bm dresses. She bought them, without consulting me. The other bms and I were delightfully surprised. Other than that, they posed for a few formal pictures, danced and had a good time at the wedding. And that was perfectly acceptable.
    Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

    Maire, your experience sounds almost exactly like mine which was (almost) 33 years ago.  And just to add to your excellent post:  we had nary a single moment of "drama" during the planning time.  I'm guessing that you could likely say the same thing.

    OP:  The whole "Wedding Party" didn't become an issue until the vast wedding industrial complex sprouted up.  It's only since they found ways to separate people from their cash, and that people bought into that concept, that the issue of a WP doing "stuff" has come up.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-bms-this-just-opinion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:97a10ef7-61de-469c-ac75-24fb03a41dccPost:d4502cc2-11fb-426d-a3a6-a9ad77730970">Re: MOH BM's This is just my opinion.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Dparisi - I agree with you 110%!!!
    Posted by ajweden84[/QUOTE]

    Really? You agree with her dramatic rant that was full of far-fetched assumptions and blanket statements?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-bms-this-just-opinion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:97a10ef7-61de-469c-ac75-24fb03a41dccPost:f7600a90-fb5c-4af5-b7e8-1dd73ce1a380">Re: MOH BM's This is just my opinion.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH BM's This is just my opinion. : Really? You agree with her dramatic rant that was full of far-fetched assumptions and blanket statements?
    Posted by LessThanZero[/QUOTE]

    This same charmer has forbidden her MOH from bringing her one-month-old newborn to her wedding too. Something tells me she's all about the briiiiiiiiide doing whatever she waaaaaants because it's her daaaaaaaaaaay!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-bms-this-just-opinion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:97a10ef7-61de-469c-ac75-24fb03a41dccPost:22a258e3-d20f-4b97-9f10-b0a27f54ce77">MOH BM's This is just my opinion.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I If BM's are not required to "do" anything but show up and put on the dress, I think that you could replace them with a flower arrangement and save all this angst!!
    Posted by dparisi[/QUOTE]

    I think you will note that those of us who do not make crazy demands upon our beloved WP members do not have angst. It is actually those people who are making crazy demands that have angst. Just sayin.
    -This is not legal advice- Wedding Countdown Ticker Image and video hosting by TinyPiclarger_image
  • You're right Trix - no drama. And my friends' weddings were the same. No one handed out bm duties. If someone volunteered to help with something, it was appreciated, but it was never expected.




                       
  • I do remember reading somewhere that one should very carefully consider whether they have the time and money to commit to being in a wedding party.  I understand it to be rude to think you just get the dress and show up, and that if you are not able to help the bride with any other wedding details, it would probably be best to decline.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-bms-this-just-opinion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:97a10ef7-61de-469c-ac75-24fb03a41dccPost:f3ec8802-58cc-439f-9f2f-1df243a0e0ba">Re: MOH BM's This is just my opinion.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I do remember reading somewhere that one should very carefully consider whether they have the time and money to commit to being in a wedding party.  I understand it to be rude to think you just get the dress and show up, and that if you are not able to help the bride with any other wedding details, it would probably be best to decline.
    Posted by lindsay5432[/QUOTE]
    So I better kick out my very close cousin because she is full time college student who will have an internship this summer so she will not have a lot of time and cash to spend on my wedding. See what we are getting at here?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-bms-this-just-opinion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:97a10ef7-61de-469c-ac75-24fb03a41dccPost:f3ec8802-58cc-439f-9f2f-1df243a0e0ba">Re: MOH BM's This is just my opinion.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I do remember reading somewhere that one should very carefully consider whether they have the time and money to commit to being in a wedding party.  I understand it to be rude to think you just get the dress and show up, and that if you are not able to help the bride with any other wedding details, it would probably be best to decline.
    Posted by lindsay5432[/QUOTE]

    The time for what? If you're free on the wedding day, great! That's all the time committment needed. All of you saying bridesmaids need to help the bride and all this crap must be totally against OOT BM's, then. So hopefully all of your closest friends live in the same city as you. How dare my BM over in England (I really do have one in England) not come in every week to help me do my invites or attend my showers, right? What a bitch. I should have picked somebody closer location-wise so she could wait on me hand and foot.


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  • Out of curiosity - has anyone who actually agrees with the OP read some of the other side's arguments?  What have you to say DIRECTLY to those arguments?

    I feel like they weren't read because just saying "you go, girl!  I agree with you!" isn't really critical or analytical discussion.  I also directly addressed the "well if you can't help, then you definitely decline" thought process.  Thanks for drawing the conclusion that if I couldn't help my sister with her wedding (because I was getting a Ph.D.) then I should definitely have never been her MOH or included in the wedding.
  • mstar284mstar284 member
    First Comment
    edited April 2011
    Well it would be NICE if they wanted to be a part of everything...but it is not a requirement, and anyone that forces her BM to "do" anything is selfish. The invitation to help plan is extended, but have I ever asked my BM to do anything...no. To have them "just show up" does not mean we do not care about them...it actually means the opposite--we know they have busy lives of their own, and we're not making them do things that we could easily do ourselves. If my friends want to suggest things and help out, they are more than welcome, but I am by no means assigning tasks to them. Of course they will be there to get ready with me and laugh and keep me sane...that's not a duty of a BM; that's just a normal friendship...

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  • I had never thought that BMs were suppose to help plan, or throw a shower.  Where I come from Aunts or sisters throw a shower.  The MOH usually plans the Bachorlette party along with some of the brides other closer friends, but that's it.  I have however read some posts where people are very harsh on the OP and I actually would think just like you. 
    But then I do think about it and I realize that I never did anything but buy a dress and show up all 4 times I was a BM.  Of course I would listen to the bride complain and stress out and would offer help.  I'd go to as many showers as I could but that was it. 
    But I agree most of the time people post that the BM is only responsible to buy a dress and show up on people who are complaining about their BM not being at their beckon call and dare I say have not stopped their lives because the bride is getting married.

    "Faith Hope and Love are some good things he gave us, and the greatest is Love"
  • My BMswhen I got married the 1st time did help me.   I didn't pick them for that reason, they offered.   That is how I see my role as a BM.  

    My MOH threw me a shower (I didn't expect that).   One BM did my hair, and my SIL my other BM helped me with my dress.   They also kept me calm as my wedding was delayed because my in-laws car broke down and they were bringing my dad to the church because the plan was I drove my truck and he was going to ride to the church with my in-laws and then he would drive my truck back home for me afterward.  

    I am not sure I could have handled the delay without their help. It wasn't that I was worried about getting married I was worried the delay would ruin everything. 

    That is how I see my role as BM.  I help my friend in anyway that I can.   I have really gone over and above.   I made her invitations, decorating the favors, and making the fans.   She never asked me for any of this.   I offered.   Her sister is also a BM.  She isn't able to help in any way.   Her boyfriend got really ill right after the planning started and her focus has been on him.  (He was on a ventilator for over a month.)    Her MOH is helping to call places, check on things because the bride is in Indiana and the wedding is Oregon.  The MOH and one BM live in Oregon.   So the MOH is helping bridge the gap.   The last BM is not helping in anyway at this time either.  She does not live near the bride, or the wedding.   My friend picked her because they are cousin and were great friends growing up and she always wanted her as a BM.   That is the way I think it should be.  A BM or MOH should help in any way that they can and if they can't that is fine as well.  

    The bride says she picked us for our looks but i know she is not being serious.   The 3 of us I know we are plain janes.   We are not ugly but she has prettier friends.  
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-bms-this-just-opinion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:97a10ef7-61de-469c-ac75-24fb03a41dccPost:54fdc555-a366-4699-a72d-1f698be5ebc0">Re: MOH BM's This is just my opinion.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH BM's This is just my opinion. : I semi-agree with both sides.  Obviously, I don't expect my out of town bridesmaids to be available for anything.  However, on this board, people are often given the "all they have to do is show up with the dress" line when the bridesmaids are being really inconsiderate - not as a bridesmaid, but as a friend.  One example would be a bride who was hurt that her MOH didn't show up to look at dresses after they made plans and never called. She was told "Just tell her what dress to order as long as she does, she's fine."  Which in some ways is true, but at the same time, if friends blow me off and don't even text to let me know they're safe, it would bother me. Not because it's "my wedding" and "my day" but because I would be concerned and possibly annoyed whether it was dress shopping or movie night.  One other example that comes to mind is a bride who had never seen the bridesmaid dresses since they ordered without trying them on, and she asked her sister/bridesmaid to take a picture and send a text just so she could see it.  The bridesmaid said "maybe" and never did. The bride was told she should just trust her bridesmaids to know if the dress fits.  But really, even if it were something NWR, who wouldn't do a 5 second favor for one of their closest friends? I think there are some brides who are so over the top with demands on their wedding party that the knee jerk reaction is for people to say the bride is demanding too much when it's not necessarily the case.
    Posted by djhar[/QUOTE]

    I totally agree with you that those are crappy things.  However - they are FRIEND problems not BRIDESMAID problems.  Equating being a bad friend with being a bad bridesmaid is just wrong.

    A lot of the drama that crops up around here is because the FRIEND is behaving badly.  The choice becomes: 1. make is a big fight over how a bridesmaid is supposed to act (debatable) or 2. Take a deep breath and say "well, as long as they get the dress and show up, it's okay."

    Throwing away a friendship, which could very well happen if the bride tosses her from the wedding or something equally dramatic, over some honorary role is silly.  The idea is to get a bride, who may be nearing the edge, to see that in the long run, it's a ceremony and a dress.  It's a short period of time and unfair to base the future of the friendship over their ability to be the bride's idea of a perfect bridesmaid.  It's such a dangerous line.
  • My MOHs is throwing me a shower, all the BMs are chomping at the bit to have a bach party.  One of my BMs has literally told me she is taking a week off for my wedding and would like to be my bitch, do anything I need to make my wedding day stress free.  I have assured her its not necessary, I am super grateful to myu MOH for throwing me a shower. 

    I feel that I give the advice on the TK that the BMs just need to buy a dress and show up because, by definition that is the miniumum requirement for a BM or MOH.  I love my WP because they are my dearest friends that have shaped my life with their friendship. So some of them are interested in doing things, others are not. My sister has told me about her shortage of money and her concern for taking limited time off of work.  The point is it doesn't bother me because i love her. 

    So, many brides come her wanting to kick their friends or sisters out of their WP beacuse they "aren't doing enough to help me." To which we bring out the "BM requirements".  Your BMs aren't REQUIRED to do extra things for you. Often times they will offer, and yes we all want them to be excited and do extra things, just life doesn;t always work out that way.  It doesn't make them less of a WP member or less of a friend.
  •   Actually, I have not asked my BMs to do anything other than wear a black dress they like and show up for the ceremony. I have wonderful friends that are not "decoration" because I haven't demanded that they do wedding things (granted they are all gorgeous ladies inside and out). I want them to feel happy and beautiful and stand by me when I get married because we've always stood by each other for years during the most important parts of our lives. It's insulting to compare a person's friends to a floral arrangement because that person hasn't been a demanding bridezilla.
      My friends have asked if I need any help because they are my friends, not because they feel obligated to do my bidding. I haven't actually needed any help yet because I believe in keeping things simple and not agonizing over every single detail. As long as I have all the people I love together and they are happy and comfortable, it's going to be an awesome day!
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