NWR... Gift related question

Legu · August 2012

Hey all.

So, you ladies are really down with the Etiquette stuff, and although this isn't wedding related, I guess all the rules about gifts in general still apply.

Anyway.
My Gran sent me a card today with a long note explaining [amoungst other things] that I just need to let her or get my mum to let her know which cot or pram or whatever I want for when Legu Boy arrives.
Uhm... Ew? Like, what... "Hey nan, buy me this"...??
Anyways. I found a great deal on a whole bunch of stuff and I can get all I need for baby's arrival [cot, pram, car seat, Moses basket, etc] for around 250, and I'd really rather just get it and be done, than tell her I want this that and the other [just seems incredibly rude, even though that's what she's offered].

Question. How do I say to her "thanks but I've got it all covered, if you'd like to get something for baby, I'd rather you got him something he can enjoy, instead of something he HAS to have"?
Like, the stuff I've already covered, he'll have to have from somewhere sooner or later so I can actually bring him home once he's born. I'd prefer if anything that she just gets him a cute cuddly toy or some other "luxury" item... If that makes sense...

I'm waffling... I'll shush now :]

Legu · August 2012

PS... I honestly do write in paragraphs... I'm sorry if it shows up as wall o' text... phone site does weird stuff like that.

MrsGandthebeag · August 2012

This is your grandma? I'd just say "how thoughtful of you! I'm sure baby would love whatevery you want to give him." You can also add that you already bought xy and z if you want to steer her away from something in particular.

Meegles4 · August 2012

Has your gran already mentioned to you or your mom that she'd like to purchase the pram? It's possible this IS her way of contributing and she feels it's important and thus you telling her which one you want isn't really out of line, IMO.

However, if this is out of left field and you're uncomfortable with it, just say "we already purchased the pram, Gran, but Baby Legu could really use some clothes/blankets/etc."

Maybe talk to your mom and get her take (assuming this is your mom's mom?) Maybe run the cost by your mom and see if she thinks it's within what Gran would want to spend.

Avion22 · August 2012

I think it's fine to tell your gran that you have the big things covered. I would feel weird about it too...I mean, those are big decisions (crib, pram, car seat, etc) and I think most parents like to purchase those items themselves so they are sure there are no recalls or safety issues. I'm sure your gran will understand.

Maggie0829 · August 2012

I think since she has offered to buy you a pram of your choosing then you telling her which one you would like is not a big deal or rude in anyway. It is actually very nice of her to let you pick which one you would prefer over her buying you something that you hate and then have to return or exchange.

But if you really don't want to accept this gift then it is perfectly fine to tell her that you already have all the big things and that whatever she buys for your baby would be very generous.

achiduck · August 2012

I'd thank her for your generous offer but tell her you've already got the baby-basics covered but little Legu could use some clothes, blankets, books, whatever.

I don't think it's being disrespectful to turn down her offer.

Avion22 · August 2012

BTW, £250 is a great deal for all that!!!!

afeliz79 · August 2012

Am I really the only one who doesn't know what a pram is? I googled it and we're all good now.

Also, 250 does sound like a great deal for all that!

Legu · August 2012

I know, right? Friend just had hers, so by the time LB comes along, hers will be well out of all that kind of stuff. All I gotta get is a new cot mattress, and like, a changing mat and just generally bits and bobs. It is my Gran, yes. I speak to her, usually via letter, approximately twice a year. Also, I'm one of those people who has a hard time accepting things off others. Mum an Dad also mentioned takin me out for the day and hittin the baby shops for clothes an toys an stuff. On their dime [well. Pound, but you get me]. I've avoided this also until next payday so I can at least beat them to the register in some of the shops. Or buy them a nice lunch or somethin. I like the idea of picking an item an running the cost past my mum first, she'd likely know a ballpark figure that gran has in mind. I may have come off kinda ungrateful... That's not the case at all, I'm honoured that she wants to get something for baby... I'd just prefer if that's the case that she doesn't "waste" her money on the necessary, and gets something fun instead, that baby can have fun with... I'm sure I'm making no sense at all...

Legu · August 2012

Lol :] I think a pram is one of those lost in translation, Brit,to,USA type jobbies. It's a... Buggy? I guess... But for new babies that lay in them, as opposed to a pushchair, which I believe is a buggy for older kids who can sit up. Which is really irrelevant as you can now get pushchairs that adapt for newborns, making the pram expense totally unnecessary.

Maggie0829 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-gift-related-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:02cd9389-adbf-4125-b37d-5428f3182379Post:2c3b71b1-6ab8-49d3-8137-9d4ece40edfc">Re:NWR... Gift related question</a>:
[QUOTE]I know, right? Friend just had hers, so by the time LB comes along, hers will be well out of all that kind of stuff. All I gotta get is a new cot mattress, and like, a changing mat and just generally bits and bobs. It is my Gran, yes. I speak to her, usually via letter, approximately twice a year. Also, I'm one of those people who has a hard time accepting things off others. Mum an Dad also mentioned takin me out for the day and hittin the baby shops for clothes an toys an stuff. On their dime [well. Pound, but you get me]. I've avoided this also until next payday so I can at least beat them to the register in some of the shops. Or buy them a nice lunch or somethin. I like the idea of picking an item an running the cost past my mum first, she'd likely know a ballpark figure that gran has in mind. I may have come off kinda ungrateful... That's not the case at all, I'm honoured that she wants to get something for baby... I'd just prefer if that's the case that she doesn't "waste" her money on the necessary, and gets something fun instead, <strong>that baby can have fun with</strong>... I'm sure I'm making no sense at all...
Posted by Legu[/QUOTE]

Not to sound rude, but there really isn't much that a baby can have absolute fun with until they are about a year to a year and a half old. Unless maybe it is a bouncy chair that is surrounded with noise making toys and such like so...

<a href="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/13/2/4de83c15-f620-47b6-b2f9-0f605af362d3.large.jpg" title="Click to view a larger photo" class="PhotoLink"><img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/13/2/4de83c15-f620-47b6-b2f9-0f605af362d3.medium.jpg" alt="" /></a>

Legu · August 2012

I know what you mean, Maggie, and don't find your comment rude at all. Heck, 3yo have more fun with the cardboard box than the toy inside... A new baby ain't gonna have a clue... What I'm trying to get at is cot [for example] is Baby will need a cot, so a cot will be provided. Baby does not need something like the pic you posted. It's a lovely thing to have, and will do wonders for stimulation, learning, development, and it will entertain... Something baby could actually "use" not just, "you gotta have this, so here you are". I guess I see her spending money on a cot or whatever as a waste... I'd prefer to just get all that myself cause he'd have to have it anyways...

Legu · August 2012

Ah! I know how to explain it... I have say 200 for baby. Baby needs cot, car seat and pram, so I buy those things with my 200. Gran and mum and whoever buy baby various toys, mobiles, "extras" if you will, and now baby has all those. OR Gran and mum buy cot and car seat, so now, all I have to buy with my 200 is a pram. And nappies, and wet wipes, and rash cream and all those other little necessities. Maybe a stuffed teddy. You see, cots, and nappies, etc, will always be available, because they're needed. Toys are a gift, because they're not needed, as such... They're a welcome extra. Now I'm not saying I can't afford to buy my child a cuddly bear, but, I'll always get the things he'll need before the things he'd like. I think that explains it better... Maybe...

Avion22 · August 2012

Legu, I get you. I personally prefer to give fun, extravagant gifts rather than necessities, as long as I know the necessities are covered. No point in giving a cuddly bear if baby has no clothing yet....but I usually assume all that stuff is taken care of unless someone tells me otherwise (friend, unfulfilled registry, etc).

Karen's MOH · August 2012

Keep in mind she may PREFER to give practical gifts-- I do, actually, because I know plenty of people love to give cute clothes, stuffed animals, etc, but a lot of new parents are a little strapped for cash and they NEED the necessities. So I generally do buy something practical so the parents don't have to and can spend that money on whatever they want.

That said, there is nothing at all wrong with telling her something else you want. Just tell her you got a great deal on those or already have them covered, and suggest something else. I would much prefer direction when I'm giving a gift over taking a chance that they don't already have [insert cute/fun gift here].

NWR... Gift related question

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