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emarston1 · February 2010

You can ask her if she wants to come but how she looks is really her business. If she rejects the invite there really is no other tactful way to tell her she looks like a mess (even if it comes from a loving place.)

Let the issue go, you will have far more important things to worry about on your wedding day.

trix1223 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-law-not-looking-her?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:d6391a01-fa37-4465-a125-3754c7d47985Post:c4d9b28e-1cbe-4f08-911f-3baba975a7b0">Mother in law not looking to her best...</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiances-father's girlfriend (for 13years now who is great, I love alot) never really takes care of what she looks like. She gets her hair done at this salon who totally burns her hair every time. Even though I have told her that I would do it for her and to never go there (I am a retired hair dresser-very good one too) Ive done her hair a few times and it looked good when I did it but she doesnt take care of herself (estheticallY) as for what she is going to wear ... an other problem she dresses really badly and TOO comfortably (sizes that would fit someone twice her size)....for her wedding day outfit I thought of bringing her along with my mom and my fiance's mom to shop around to pick my dress (and at the same time try to show them stuff that would look good on them .... but yet again.. I dont want to impose myself on her. but she will be in family pictures that will be with us for the rest of our lives.... how do i bring up the suject of looking good for the day without hurting her feelings??? I would like nice picture for the wedding.
Posted by lybyana@hotmail.com[/QUOTE]

<p>You'd potentially insult your FMIL over some photographs? Really? Your FMIL is a grown woman who gets to dress herself. You can offer to do her hair for the wedding, but worrying about how she'll photograph is just shallow, IMO.

Here's the reality. Of the thousands of photos taken that day, your FMIL will be in, perhaps, a dozen. Of those dozen, perhaps 3 will be in your album. And none will be blown up and on the wall of your home.

Let your FMIL choose her own clothing. She's been doing it for years. You don't have to like what she wears, and what she's wearing that day is not at all a reflection on you.
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bablingbrooke · February 2010

If FMIL doesn't look good, that's her problem, not yours. She looks ridiculous, not you. Don't go looking for trouble where you don't need any, and commenting on another woman's choice of style is a surefire way to cause trouble.

bablingbrooke · February 2010

By the way, as a married woman, I'm not looking at my photos 10 times a day. Some people don't look great. I don't dwell on it. You wont' either.

swim1011 · February 2010

You can make the offer, but I wouldn't hold my breath on her answer. If she doesn't want to go, then you've done everything you can, and need to let it go. I understand wanting everyone to look good, but in the scheme of things, straight up telling her you don't want her to look bad for your wedding pics sounds awful. No doubt, that would upset her. There's just no right way to tell someone this kind of thing.

duckie1905 · February 2010

There probably isn't a good way to tell her you think she looks awful and doesn't take care of herself without hurting her feelings. If she looks bad that's on her to deal with, no you.

emilykathleen511 · February 2010

No, you should not say anything to her about her personal style. You can say, "FMIL, I would be happy to go shopping with you when you are looking for something to wear to the wedding if you want." If she declines, there is nothing you can do. She is fully capable of dressing herself, and if she doesn't look good, that will reflect on her, not you. If she does accept your offer to go shopping with her, you can point out what you think would look nice on her, but it is still completely her decision.

RogueQueen · February 2010

Two things:

1. usually you don't have lots of photographs taken with anyone who is not immediate family and bridal party or MARRIED to immediate family, basic logistics.

2. So what if she looks a mess? It just means the few pictures that you two are in together her appearance will just make how beautiful you look stand out even more.

KappaK · February 2010

People will be looking at you not her. She is an adult, she can choose how she wants to dress. You do not get to dictate what someone wears to your wedding.

bbyckes · February 2010

I can't believe that you would actually consider telling you FMIL, that you think she looks like a mess. Let he be who she is. I don't see that there's much you can do about this. She isn't a doll.

Muffin'sMom · February 2010

What they all said. You can invite her to shop with you. You can invite her to join in on the hair and makeup. But, at the end of the day she is who she is. We are working on my daughters pictures/albums now. There are no photos hanging in their house that have her new MIL in them. There are a few in the album (mother/son dance, going down the aisle, family group photo) but that's it. besides, everyone in your family has known her and what she looks like for 13 years....it's not like it's a surprise. And for that matter, I'm sure your future hubby has some less than stunning relatives rattling around his family tree too. It's family...we've all got them.

trix1223 · February 2010

Oh yeah, saw that DD coming from a mile away.....

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