Inviting themselves??

curlyfrymsu · January 2012

I've had a bunch of friends who have heard I've engaged and are congratulating me, which is fantastic and very sweet. Unfortunately, a few (more and more each day) of those friends have simply assumed that they're invited! I know this because of comments they've made such as "I can't believe you're getting married, i'm so excited to come!" and "I gotta make sure I can fit into my tux in time for your wedding!". As much as we'd like to, we don't have room in our budget to invite all of our friends and these are people that I hadn't even considered inviting in the first place. I feel absolutely terrible when people say things like this to me! Save the Dates have already gone out, and I have no idea how to respond to people assuming that they're invited. I do think it's a little rude of them, but mostly I feel guilty - like *I* am doing something wrong. Help!!

curlyfrymsu · January 2012

I'm just not really sure how to segue into that without it being awkward - like "I hope my tux fits for your wedding!" "Well, you're not gonna have to worry about it because we couldn't invite as many people as we wanted" ....agh, I feel terrible. Who would have thought the blessing of friends is a curse when it comes to guest lists?? Wait, don't answer that - I'm sure everyone but me has found that out already haha

AllAboutTheBenjamin · January 2012

I'd just change the subject. They are being rude and you don't owe anyone an explanation of why they aren't invited to your wedding.

graysquirrel · January 2012

I would say change the subject as many times as it takes-- this is called bean-dipping on a lot of boards. Friend: "Oh boy, I get to air out my tux!" You: "Ah, the old penguin suit. Hey, have you seen the new penguin house at the zoo?" Silly example, but if you do it enough people get the hint.

LittleMissCutiePie · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-themselves-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4b2913f8-2182-4168-8b1b-83d34d3cef08Post:210341c2-b8a8-4402-ae06-4fcb54c0c755">Inviting themselves??</a>:
[QUOTE] I've had a bunch of friends who have heard I've engaged and are congratulating me, which is fantastic and very sweet. Unfortunately, a few (more and more each day) of those friends have simply assumed that they're invited! I know this because of comments they've made such as "I can't believe you're getting married, i'm so excited to come!" and "I gotta make sure I can fit into my tux in time for your wedding!". As much as we'd like to, we don't have room in our budget to invite all of our friends and these are people that I hadn't even considered inviting in the first place. I feel absolutely terrible when people say things like this to me! Save the Dates have already gone out, and I have no idea how to respond to people assuming that they're invited. I do think it's a little rude of them, but mostly I feel guilty - like *I* am doing something wrong. Help!!
Posted by curlyfrymsu[/QUOTE]

You aren't doing anything wrong, and they're rude for assuming they're invited. You're right to neither confirm nor deny their claims, but now that your guest list is finalized, you need to stop stringing anyone along (even though I'm sure this wasn't on purpose). You don't need to outright make a proclamation, but if they make anymore comments, just say "Yeah, unfortunately we couldn't invite everyone we wanted to" or "It's going to be a very small, family affair". If they press the issue, frankly I would just ignore them.

ehenry010 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-themselves-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4b2913f8-2182-4168-8b1b-83d34d3cef08Post:9497ccbd-4952-4891-9794-6a8e8ee40d44">Re: Inviting themselves??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Inviting themselves?? : You aren't doing anything wrong, and they're rude for assuming they're invited. You're right to neither confirm nor deny their claims, but now that your guest list is finalized, you need to stop stringing anyone along (even though I'm sure this wasn't on purpose). You don't need to outright make a proclamation, but if they make anymore comments, just say "Yeah, unfortunately we couldn't invite everyone we wanted to" or "It's going to be a very small, family affair". If they press the issue, frankly I would just ignore them.
Posted by LittleMissCutiePie[/QUOTE]

<div>This! People are ridiculous about weddings. We had a few people do this to us and usually I would just smile and change the subject. Usually, they got the hint.</div>

Bkseller13 · January 2012

Besides, what kind of idiot wears a tux to a wedding as a guest?

curlyfrymsu · January 2012

Hahaha that was what I thought too...I just didn't want to say it to him

mollyehren · January 2012

I just tell people we are doing a small intimate family wedding. Then I change the subject. I think several people have said that because they are fishing for an invite or to find out if their going to be invited.

pgcp · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-themselves-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4b2913f8-2182-4168-8b1b-83d34d3cef08Post:97737cf6-5743-46fa-b631-ee155b4f628a">Re: Inviting themselves??</a>:
[QUOTE]Besides, what kind of idiot wears a tux to a wedding as a guest?
Posted by Bkseller13[/QUOTE]
Well, in some circles black tie weddings are the norm. So a tux would expected. I think the OP was from DC so I don't think the guy was off at all with the tux idea.

Bkseller13 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-themselves-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4b2913f8-2182-4168-8b1b-83d34d3cef08Post:9a723888-0a6d-4dbc-8c2b-3c2b4b82dc98">Re: Inviting themselves??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Inviting themselves?? : Well, in some circles black tie weddings are the norm. So a tux would expected. I think the OP was from DC so I don't think the guy was off at all with the tux idea.
Posted by pgcp[/QUOTE]

OP thought it was odd too, so she's probably not in the black tie circle. Just sayin'. It's still weird.

Cortney1982 · January 2012

I can relate. At work some people assume they are invited just because other co-workers have put on tacky wedding receptions. No invites, just anybody who wants to come and bring something to the pot luck. Not my style. I just flat out tell them it's a small wedding with family so I don't string anybody along.

ElisabethJoanne · January 2012

Our guest list isn't finalized, so I'm repeating to most who ask, "It will be a small wedding, mostly family." I think even once invitations are out, I'll stick to that mantra.

melntaitt · January 2012

I had this issue too and I stuck to the party line, "Oh we're having an intimate wedding with only a few friends and family."

Bett2012 · January 2012

Just ignore it. Is your ceremony open to anyone or does it only hold the number of guests you've actually invited?

I know we will have some people coming who aren't officially invited - some university friends who have told us that they don't expect to be invited, but they want to make the trip up for the ceremony, is that ok.... and we're not inviting our whole church, but lots of people from church will know about the ceremony, so they might come too, especially since FI grew up in that church.

It would be awkward to be like "oh, well, we couldn't invite everyone we wanted" and then the friend to be like "oh, I was talking about the ceremony"... but again, taht might be different circles, in my circle, it is quite common for people to find out the time and place of the ceremony from someone else who is going and just go to the ceremony, not the reception (obviously!).. that might just be us though :P

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