Wedding Etiquette Forum
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---squirrly

You wrote:

Kristen, so that means that THE PEOPLE IN YOUR CIRCLE AND AGE GROUP DO THAT.  Not that everyone everywhere does.  With all the posts on the knot about kids, do you REALLY believe that the entire world banishes humans under 18 to the children's room?

I'm not getting you here.  The first three words of my post were:  "In my area..."  That means that I'm sharing what is the usual plan in my area

Later in my post, I comment that of the weddings I've gone to in this area in the last 10 years, all of those weddings have had a "kids room" during the ceremony and during the reception - which speaks to how universally this "kids room" is used in weddings and receptions in my area.  That means I'm sharing my personal experience with going to weddings in my area.

I'm not making a statement that everyone on the planet earth ought to do this.  I'm not making a statement that everyone of the planet earth DOES this, because clearly I'm explaining how this works IN MY AREA for the OP who lives somewhere else where this is not common.

Then you wrote:

Oh, and a lot of weddings aren't in churches, too. 

Nowhere in my post do I refer to a church.  I use the phrase "ceremony location" in the first paragraph, and later I use the phrase "ceremony sanctuary."  And I'm personally aware that a lot of weddings aren't in churches because my own wedding ceremony was not held in a church.  If your first reaction is that only a church can have a sanctuary, let me add that the location in the country club where we got married is a place set aside for such ceremonies, and is called a ceremony sanctuary.

Then you wrote:

Seriously, I get that you want to give useful advice.  Why do you refuse to do so?

Well, seriously, the OP wanted some options suggested to her regarding children, and seriously, my suggestion of a kids room has been very effective regarding children in the weddings and receptions I've been to.  I thought that the concept of "kids room" was a serious suggestion and potentially useful advice for the exact issue that the OP was writing about.

Look, I get that you are the moderator, and you can choose to call out any Knottie, and you can choose to pull apart any Knottie's post.  I'm just saying that I don't really think this particular post of mine is off target or offensive in any way.

Re: ---squirrly

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    Because you are posting on the Etiquette board Kristin.  An international board that asks about proper wedding etiquette.  Not just how things are done in Pleasantville, or wherever you are from.  Honestly, your posts are to the point where I just have to laugh at the ridiculousness that you call advice.  Yes things are done differently in different areas, but whenever you post you word your posts as "this is how its done in my area so thats how it should be done."  I honestly can't think of any post you have written that has actually been good, sound advice to a poster.  Maybe one day there will be a board specifically for brides who are stuck in the 50's, and then I bet you could be the mod there, but until then, your "advice" is outdated and just plain not useful for anything other than entertainment purposes.  Which I think is the sole reason you post anyways.

    And really, you are going to call out Squirrly of all people on this?  I can't think of many posts you have recently made where several posters haven't picked apart your "advice."  Maybe you should just realize that its not a personal attack against you, just against the garbaage that you try to pass off as useful information.
    imageBabyFruit Ticker
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_squirrly-25?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a0d0b594-d029-4706-838e-f1ffe7599f51Post:bf84e8d8-fb16-4f94-9bbc-6c725583b603">---squirrly</a>:
    [QUOTE]You wrote: Kristen, so that means that THE PEOPLE IN YOUR CIRCLE AND AGE GROUP DO THAT.  Not that everyone everywhere does.  With all the posts on the knot about kids, do you REALLY believe that the entire world banishes humans under 18 to the children's room? I'm not getting you here.  The first three words of my post were:  "In my area..."  That means that I'm sharing what is the usual plan in my area .  Later in my post, I comment that of the weddings I've gone to in this area in the last 10 years, all of those weddings have had a "kids room" during the ceremony and during the reception - which speaks to how universally this "kids room" is used in weddings and receptions in my area .  That means I'm sharing my personal experience with going to weddings in my area . I'm not making a statement that everyone on the planet earth ought to do this.  I'm not making a statement that everyone of the planet earth DOES this, because clearly I'm explaining how this works IN MY AREA for the OP who lives somewhere else where this is not common. Then you wrote: Oh, and a lot of weddings aren't in churches, too.  Nowhere in my post do I refer to a church.  I use the phrase "ceremony location" in the first paragraph, and later I use the phrase "ceremony sanctuary."  And I'm personally aware that a lot of weddings aren't in churches because my own wedding ceremony was not held in a church.  If your first reaction is that only a church can have a sanctuary, let me add that the location in the country club where we got married is a place set aside for such ceremonies, and is called a ceremony sanctuary. Then you wrote: Seriously, I get that you want to give useful advice.  Why do you refuse to do so? Well, seriously, the OP wanted some options suggested to her regarding children, and seriously, my suggestion of a kids room has been very effective regarding children in the weddings and receptions I've been to.  I thought that the concept of "kids room" was a serious suggestion and potentially useful advice for the exact issue that the OP was writing about. Look, I get that you are the moderator, and you can choose to call out any Knottie, and you can choose to pull apart any Knottie's post.  I'm just saying that I don't really think this particular post of mine is off target or offensive in any way.
    Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

    JIC you decide to DD this when you realize how ridiculous you sound.
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    Way to come on the board in the middle of the night and be all indignant.

    Bi-oh-rama
    Now with more wedded bliss.


    I don't get married often, but when I do, I do it in Las Vegas.

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    edited November 2010

    To be fair, Kirstin does tend to post in the evening. And yes, she may post some outdated, bizarre and laughable advice... but it's her perception, and it sounds as though she adequately prefaced that in the thread under discussion (which I should indicate here that I haven't read)- albeit perhaps taking that perception to be the representative of every age group/racial group/socioeconomic status group within her area. 

     

    Perhaps her advice is outdated, but she's not the only person with the mindset of an 70 year old in the world and for that reason her advice can at times be useful. It doesn't seem to matter how relevant her advice is (and yes, I am well aware that that 8 out of 10 times the relevance of her response is low), she's constantly ridiculed here. The fact that she continues to post is indeed likely a testament to her insanity, but I do think that in those 2/10 posts, the response of ridicule which she receives doesn't reflect the validity of her individual post.

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_squirrly-25?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a0d0b594-d029-4706-838e-f1ffe7599f51Post:321237fa-d81f-43c3-9c3d-3c359a157e7b">Re: ---squirrly</a>:
    [QUOTE]Link?
    Posted by akhensley81[/QUOTE]

    I was looking for you. I don't even remember that thread and I was around pretty much all weekend.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_squirrly-25?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a0d0b594-d029-4706-838e-f1ffe7599f51Post:321237fa-d81f-43c3-9c3d-3c359a157e7b">Re: ---squirrly</a>:
    [QUOTE]Link?
    Posted by akhensley81[/QUOTE]

    <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_one-etiquette-question-can-done-obnoxious-young-cousins_.1" rel="nofollow">http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_one-etiquette-question-can-done-obnoxious-young-cousins_.1</a>
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    edited November 2010
    Oh yeah, that was from Friday. That was the day so many trolls bombarded the board.
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    I am not a mother, but IN MY AREA (and if I had a child) I would rather someone I know watch my children not 5 women hired to run a daycare center in a wedding venue. No thanks.

    Its also weird that instead of just responding to squirrly you decided to make ANOTHER thread. In my area that is just odd. 
    image
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    Ahhh thanks, pirate! I was looking too but didn't go back that far. I totally skipped these posts on Friday, I was having too much fun with the Halloween insanity. Hehe.

    Dang. That would have been another good one for Freddy to offer to babysit. Oh well.
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    Kristen, because overall, not just in this post, you tell people what is done in your area, in the south, and at every wedding EVER.  And it's not accurate.  People who live IN YOUR AREA have posted to the contrary. 

    Say in your circle, and then ok.  But you've spent forever categorizing weddings in the south and Florida in particular inaccurately.  I attended a wedding in YOUR area not so long ago, and it wasn't anything like the way you describe things.  For one thing, there was no kids room.  So, it's not true of all weddings IN YOUR AREA.  Just those in your circle. 

    Also, you refuse to accept that different couples and families have different ways for handling who hosts weddings.  It's not always the MOB & FOB.  The MOG & FOG don't always host the RD.  That doesn't mean they hate their kids.  It might just mean they can't or don't want to host a party. 

    Your views and posts are completely intollerant, and you NEVER debate things.  You post and run.  And I don't see the point in letting newbs believe that your rules are accurate for the whole world, since they're rarely accurate for anyone here. 

    It's fine to have an opinion that's different.  I, personally, hate small ceremonies and larger receptions.  Technically, that's an acceptable thing to do in the eyes of etiquette.  But, I dislike it and I find it offensive, and when I post that, I put that whole disclaimer on it every time.  I don't make it out to be an etiquette edict like you do when you post your opinions.

    Again, my post was in response to this particular post, AND your posting history in general.  You frequently refer to churches as the ceremony location.  And, frankly, I've not heard of any location having a "sanctuary" for wedding ceremonies other than a church.  I've heard of ceremony locations and ceremony sites but not sanctuaries.  If you've heard of one, ok.  But that's definitely suggestive of a church to me. 

    My questions for you: 

    Why do you refuse to respond when people post to you?
    Why do you refuse to acknowledge that etiquette allows for other options than those you present?
    Why do you present your opinion as gospel truth?
    Why do you malign the south when you describe weddings held there?

    DIY & Planning | Married 

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    Dresses may be easier to take in than let out, but guest lists are not. -- kate51485
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_squirrly-25?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a0d0b594-d029-4706-838e-f1ffe7599f51Post:ce3c6f08-75b8-4d14-87cc-beadeb49be2c">Re: ---squirrly</a>:
    [QUOTE]Kristen, because overall, not just in this post, you tell people what is done in your area, in the south, and at every wedding EVER.  And it's not accurate.  People who live IN YOUR AREA have posted to the contrary.  Say in your circle, and then ok.  But you've spent forever categorizing weddings in the south and Florida in particular inaccurately.  I attended a wedding in YOUR area not so long ago, and it wasn't anything like the way you describe things.  For one thing, there was no kids room.  So, it's not true of all weddings IN YOUR AREA.  Just those in your circle.  Also, you refuse to accept that different couples and families have different ways for handling who hosts weddings.  It's not always the MOB & FOB.  The MOG & FOG don't always host the RD.  That doesn't mean they hate their kids.  It might just mean they can't or don't want to host a party.  Your views and posts are completely intollerant, and you NEVER debate things.  You post and run.  And I don't see the point in letting newbs believe that your rules are accurate for the whole world, since they're rarely accurate for anyone here.  It's fine to have an opinion that's different.  I, personally, hate small ceremonies and larger receptions.  Technically, that's an acceptable thing to do in the eyes of etiquette.  But, I dislike it and I find it offensive, and when I post that, I put that whole disclaimer on it every time.  I don't make it out to be an etiquette edict like you do when you post your opinions. Again, my post was in response to this particular post, AND your posting history in general.  You frequently refer to churches as the ceremony location.  And, frankly, I've not heard of any location having a "sanctuary" for wedding ceremonies other than a church.  I've heard of ceremony locations and ceremony sites but not sanctuaries.  If you've heard of one, ok.  But that's definitely suggestive of a church to me.  <strong>My questions for you:  Why do you refuse to respond when people post to you?</strong> Why do you refuse to acknowledge that etiquette allows for other options than those you present? Why do you present your opinion as gospel truth? Why do you malign the south when you describe weddings held there?
    Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]
    I have a feeling she is never going to come back and answer this.
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    Aww, this board wouldn't be the same without crazy Kristen#s. We should knit a tea cozy for every one of her posts.
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    My question to Kristen#s: Why must we rely on mother's to handle every little thing about a wedding? That shiit drives me nuts: "have your mother call their mother and sort it out." Um, no. This is party planning, not preschool.
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    I'm with Squirrly on this one. There are several examples across the boards where you (OP) have stated your opinion as fact. I enjoy your posts for the entertainment purposes (especially when you use the Father of the Bride movies as your reference material), but you need to adjust your wording to ensure that a reader will interpret it as your opinion and not fact.


    9.17.2010
    planning

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    Jano - we must have sent our reponses at exactly the same moment.  What you've suggested is exactly what my long post says, and I'm going to try it.
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    Kristen, I appreciate the response.  It might help, in the future, if you were to check back on posts you've posted in to see if there are responses in them to you.  I assure you, 80% of the time, there are.

    I'm from the south.  I have one of those judgy grandmothers from an old blueblood family.  And NONE of the things you're talking about with respect to the parents of the bride and groom crying at weddings have ever happened at weddings I've been to or heard about - from said judgy grandmother or others. 

    Specifically, your advice on who should make decisions is frequently really offensive.  Many, many, many brides and grooms today host their own weddings.  They pay for them, plan them, host them, issue the invitations to them, etc.  In some cases, because their parents simply don't care to plan that kind of party.  In some, because the B&G want a different kind of wedding than their parents would plan.  As ADULTS, the B&G are well within their rights to do so, and there is appropriate etiquette for those situations.  It drives me up the wall when you tell a bride that she doesn't need advice on which cake to order because of course, her mother will be placing the order.  I'd much rather hear you say that people you know would find the multicolored leaning tower of pisa cake scandalous than to tell her it's not her place to make ANY decision. 

    And maybe, just maybe, the next time you hear someone tear apart a MOB or MOG for a decision their children made when planning a wedding, you could say something reminding the judgy guest that the decisions were made by the B&G.  Can't make them stop judging.  But you can at least encourage them to direct their judgement appropriately. 

    Finally, my use of the word malign was intentional - SO MANY PEOPLE who are not from the south and don't live there already believe it's backwards.  The more you go on and on and on about how all weddings follow these ONLY these traditions and FOGs sobbing over the loss of their son during the reception, the more you reinforce those beliefs.  I love being from the south and the culture there.  Those stereotypes certainly occur from time to time, but they do not make up the majority of people in the south today, and I really find the continued proliferation of those sterotypes frustrating. 

    It's sad that you only know people who live up to them. 
    DIY & Planning | Married 

    Married: 2010
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    I just came back and realized the same thing. :)
    9.17.2010
    planning

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    edited November 2010
    [QUOTE]Personally, I will acknowledge your point right now.  In fact, I will contribute that I made some choices for my own wedding that were opposite from the traditional etiquette.  Examples include having each of our mothers sign the wedding certificate as the two witnesses, walking down the aisle by myself, getting married somewhere other than a church, not wearing a traditional wedding gown with train and veil, etc. .
    Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]
    Kristin, I didn't quote your entire response but as someone who's taken exception to most of your posts - for all of the reasons squirrly laid out in the post after yours - I found it very well-written and carefully considered.

    The things you did (rather, didn't do) for your wedding, are they really points of etiquette? I would never consider you to have breached any kind of etiquette by the things you mentioned.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_squirrly-25?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a0d0b594-d029-4706-838e-f1ffe7599f51Post:5c3c18e9-619c-4c14-8784-aa947b1648a2">Re: ---squirrly</a>:
    [QUOTE] />>Why do you refuse to respond when people post to you? I have responded in the past, and I am not aware of any that I've missed.  Since you are sure that I have indeed missed responding to posts directed to me, I'm guessing that it's a time issue. Most often, I'm on TK at night, anytime from 10:00 p.m. to 2 a.m. EST, and the next night, I don't always go back to read every single post that's been made from 2:00 a.m. all the way to 10:00 p.m. Today, I expected a response from you and I expected to want to write back to you, so I'm on TK at my earliest moment, which is 2:45 p.m. from work. Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

    I'd like to point out that this is the first time -- and I'm not exaggerating here -- that I've ever seen you respond to anybody who questioned you and your ridiculous advice in a post. Numero uno. And I'm betting it's the last time I'll ever see it.
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