Wedding Woes

drunk dad

Alright...So my mother is paying for my entire wedding with her husband and actually having the entire event in their huge backyard. My dad is a bartender and drinks all the time and I have caught him quite a few times talking crap about my fh. My dad is honestly kind of a piece of crap, but he's my dad. So here's my problem, I don't know if I should invite my dad, he will not be walking me down the aisle my younger brother will be. And I do not want to make my mom or her husband uncomfortable, and I especially do not want to make my fh to be uncomfortable.My fh says do whatever makes me happy...but I don't know what option will make me happy. I don't want to regret my dad not being at my wedding years from now but I really don't want to deal with him at the wedding either...help any advice would help, I'm sending invites out next week....

Re: drunk dad

  • TheDuckisTheDuckis member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You said yourself that your dad is a piece of crap. Weddings aren't a time to pretend you have a big happy perfect family, they're a time to celebrate the family you're starting. If you don't want to deal with him don't invite him. The possibility that your relationship might improve down the road is not a good enough reason to put up with him now.
  • jojobrnjojobrn member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_drunk-dad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:5aa3688d-ebd5-492d-ae20-9ff0d0a6b8e4Post:19026733-a4ea-41ea-ac9a-b17bd2272f7d">drunk dad</a>:
    [QUOTE]Alright...So my mother is paying for my entire wedding with her husband and actually having the entire event in their huge backyard. My dad is a bartender and drinks all the time and I have caught him quite a few times talking crap about my fh. My dad is honestly kind of a piece of crap, but he's my dad. So here's my problem, I don't know if I should invite my dad, he will not be walking me down the aisle my younger brother will be. And I do not want to make my mom or her husband uncomfortable, and I especially do not want to make my fh to be uncomfortable.My fh says do whatever makes me happy...but I don't know what option will make me happy. I don't want to regret my dad not being at my wedding years from now but I really don't want to deal with him at the wedding either...help any advice would help, I'm sending invites out next week....
    Posted by Modestlikeamouse2113[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Eye to Eye with Duckis. How would you feel years from now if he is invited and causes a scene? There is the chance you could improve your relationship in the future, but also the chance you won't. Would you regret inviting him and having something happen to mar the day as you would regret not inviting him?

    </div>
  • lharri12lharri12 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    You said it yourself: Would you regret it for the rest of your life if he weren't invited?
    And what do you mean by saying that your dad "is a piece of crap"?  If he is a pedophile, then for God's sake, don't invite him.  If it's not that big of a deal, you might regret not having him there.  I don't like my dad much, either, but I'm inviting him to my wedding.  Not inviting a close family member to your wedding is going to cause some really hard feelings, so if you decide not to invite him, be prepared to deal with the ramifications.
    Also, I think people overestimate how much they have to "deal with" individual guests at their wedding.  If there are going to be more than 30 people present, you will have plenty of other people to mingle with and plenty of other things on your mind.
    Edit: By the way, don't worry that you will make your mom and her husband uncomfortable by having your dad at your wedding.  He's your dad - I'm sure they wouldn't be shocked for him to be there.

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  • KittuirrelKittuirrel member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    While I don't think you should feel obligated to invite your sperm donor if you don't like him... if you intend to have any future contact with him at all not inviting him might make it worse.  Why don't you try limiting your contact with him (and his with other guests) at the wedding by giving him a job?  If he's a bartender, keep him at the bar the whole time.  He'll be separate from the crowd, but still feels like he's helping you out.
    When nothing goes right - go left!
  • flower_divaflower_diva member
    First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Here is my take on your "problem".  TALK to your dad,face to face. Tell him you are inviting him to your wedding because he is your father,,,BUT....if he gets drunk,..causes a scene, or acts inapropriately ,you will have him removed immediatley from the premisise ...no ifs,ands or buts,  if he can not respect you and the rest of your guests on YOUR and your FH day, please make the decision not to attend.

    then make sure you have a few groomsmen/ushers and freinds willing to act upon it. All you do is tell them he is outta there. Plan ahead.....,your Dad may suprise all of you and not cause a scene at all. If he does you have a plan of action.
  • edited December 2011
    I am having the very same problem! I won't get into the gritty details of why, but I'm not inviting him. I have given into my extended family's wishes and invited him to special events in the past. He has shown up drunk and caused a scene at all of them. So I sat down and weighed this out. Personally I would hate to look back on my wedding day and remember him being an ass more than looking back someday and wishing he had been there.
  • edited December 2011
    Only you can decide. Sure he may end up getting drunk and maybe even say something about your FI to someone but is he going to cause a huge scene? Only you know what he is capable of. I think it is very serious not to invite your father. I'm sure that would be very hurtful to him. Think about that very carefully before you decide not to invite him. And if your father is as bad as you claim, he can just show up at your mother's house if you don't invite him. That would be even worse.

    You can talk to him and tell him that he really has to lay off the booze at your wedding. Its possible he may do that.
  • edited December 2011
    Thank you, all of you. You all have helped me decide what to do! I sat down and talked to my future mother in law( shes neatural to the situation) and I also talked to my fh. We decided, we will go have lunch with him and invite him in person but tell him at that time that if he causes a scene of any kind or brings any of his lame ass friends then he will be gone. My fh has 4 brothers that have been informed and decided to handle it. Problem solved...kinda..as good as I can make it atleast.
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