What NOT to say to a Military Wife

Beachy730 · January 2011

Have you seen this? I thought it was pretty funny, and I love the responses. I definitely have been asked lots of these questions many times.

http://deardeploymentihateyou.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=49&Itemid=80

shan87 · January 2011

funny and sad at the same time! I've run out of clever responses so I may need to use some of those!

katyj25 · January 2011

Hilarious! Thanks for posting!

Sammy0709 · January 2011

Reminds me of the time DH and I had to spend a 2 hour flight sitting next to a 60-something woman that said, "I don't believe in the war or the military". I had to prevent my husband from hurling himself at her and strangling her while I told her I don't believe in paying into a social security program that will run out of money before I get to use it.

ETA: I used to be so kind and tolerant before DH joined the military.

calindi · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_not-say-military-wife?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:10cb1b8d-8592-4ac8-bdfa-f6fe98288ee9Post:417192aa-57b1-4402-b37d-33e1a68a4663">Re: What NOT to say to a Military Wife</a>:
[QUOTE]ETA: I used to be so kind and tolerant before DH joined the military.
Posted by Sammy0709[/QUOTE]

Isn't that so true? But I've gotten much more patient since becoming a military significant other! He'll be gone 3 months this summer, and I've barely blinked an eye. I figure I'll join a really nice gym since I won't have him to rush home to cook dinner for every night, and I'll get to eat what I want and control the remote to the TV. Small victories, right?

Side note: if one more person tells me something about "How can you love someone who kills people for a living?" I might have to become a killer myself.

I have said replied, "You know, you're right! I'll call up the Marines and tell them to stop killing terrorists. Shall I send them an invitation to hand out to Al Qaeda with your address on it instead? A cocktail party at your place then, instead of a war? Why didn't I think of it!"

Jynxey · January 2011

I am so terrible at comebacks, I might have to store a couple of these in memory. Thanks for sharing.

As far as someone who doesn't believe in war/military...? I am pretty sure it's not like a unicorn lol they exist if you believe in them or not. Some people are so rude.

kara811 · February 2011

Thanks for posting! It was entertaining! Those responses are awesome!

Drew&Michelle · February 2011

Ugh that was like one of my patients friends the other day, he told me "well at least he is in the Navy so you don't have to worry when he is deployment" I just bit my tongue, being at work and all. But I would have really liked to respond with "oh, yeah, because the only branch that is in any danger is the Army or Marines. He just floats around doing NOTHING for over half the year."

Beachy730 · February 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_not-say-military-wife?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:10cb1b8d-8592-4ac8-bdfa-f6fe98288ee9Post:3532c7bc-84ee-40ec-80f1-0af1008faf58">Re: What NOT to say to a Military Wife</a>:
[QUOTE]Ugh that was like one of my patients friends the other day, he told me "well at least he is in the Navy so you don't have to worry when he is deployment" I just bit my tongue, being at work and all. But I would have really liked to respond with "oh, yeah, because the only branch that is in any danger is the Army or Marines. He just floats around doing NOTHING for over half the year."
Posted by Drew&Michelle[/QUOTE]

<div>What base is your H or FI at?</div>

kara811 · February 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_not-say-military-wife?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:10cb1b8d-8592-4ac8-bdfa-f6fe98288ee9Post:3532c7bc-84ee-40ec-80f1-0af1008faf58">Re: What NOT to say to a Military Wife</a>:
[QUOTE]Ugh that was like one of my patients friends the other day, he told me <strong>"well at least he is in the Navy so you don't have to worry when he is deployment" I</strong> just bit my tongue, being at work and all. But I would have really liked to respond with "oh, yeah, because the only branch that is in any danger is the Army or Marines. He just floats around doing NOTHING for over half the year."
Posted by Drew&Michelle[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I hate it when people tell me the same thing! It's ridiculous! </div>

MilitaryBride2Be · February 2011

haha nice

Beachy730 · February 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_not-say-military-wife?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:10cb1b8d-8592-4ac8-bdfa-f6fe98288ee9Post:b7ad4863-c33b-45f0-a048-3399d694f334">Re: What NOT to say to a Military Wife</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What NOT to say to a Military Wife : He is in Everett, WA
Posted by Drew&Michelle[/QUOTE]

<div>Is he on the Lincoln? My H is on there.</div>

Drew&Michelle · February 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_not-say-military-wife?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:10cb1b8d-8592-4ac8-bdfa-f6fe98288ee9Post:fde9fa49-7b8c-4f4f-87a6-d27309d0995e">Re: What NOT to say to a Military Wife</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What NOT to say to a Military Wife : Is he on the Lincoln? My H is on there.
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

No, he is on the Ford. But small world

Alice and Les · February 2011

Thank you for posting this. It was hilarious!

Sammy0709 · February 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_not-say-military-wife?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:10cb1b8d-8592-4ac8-bdfa-f6fe98288ee9Post:3532c7bc-84ee-40ec-80f1-0af1008faf58">Re: What NOT to say to a Military Wife</a>:
[QUOTE]Ugh that was like one of my patients friends the other day, he told me <strong>"well at least he is in the Navy so you don't have to worry when he is deployment"</strong> I just bit my tongue, being at work and all. But I would have really liked to respond with "oh, yeah, because the only branch that is in any danger is the Army or Marines. He just floats around doing NOTHING for over half the year."
Posted by Drew&Michelle[/QUOTE]

LOL I always have fun when people tell me this one because DH has deployed with the Marines to Iraq and Afghanistan...it is oh so safe to be in the Navy...he's never seen a ship and probably never will since he decided to be a trauma corpsman...ugh.

Epic07032011 · February 2011

Thanks for sharing!

My favorites:

He's going to be completely different when he comes back, ya know. Yeah, so will I but I'm working on my hulk tear.

You deserve someone who can be there for you. Well mine has special powers that yours doesn't.

LOL!!! He's been there for me more than any non-military man ever has. Even with 4 deployments to the middle east in 6 years.

How do you do it? I haven't written down the process yet, but I'll get back to you.
My usual answer to that is... wait? I'm doing this? I guess I really am.

redheadtmk · February 2011

I mean this in the utmost respectful way but there were a few on there that seemed unnecessary to me. I agree that most were horrible. However being upset because someone says "that sucks" or offers to do anything for you seem a bit over the top to me. How would you prefer us non military people to respond when you say your husband is deployed? that sucks seems pretty appropriate to me....I dont know what you are going through but i can imagine it is not easy or fun. same with asking how you are holding up or offering to help with anything. I assume most wives have other wives to talk to but you never know if someone really needs to vent so asking how they are doing would be a genuine concern and offer of listening, at least coming from me. and the offer of help would be genuine as well....a night of baby sitting, helping clean the house, or running errands etc. again I dont mean to be disrespectful but this article comes across as if there is no correct response and as my nephews are in the military and will be having friends deploy if not themselves I would like to know what response you guys prefer if I am in the situation of meeting some of these wives.

Beachy730 · February 2011

Personally I don't mind when people are asking me how I'm doing, or tell me they don't know how I am able to go through it. I understand that some people have a hard time knowing what to say. What bothers me are the ones like "I know how you must feel, my husband was gone all last week on a business trip." No, it doesn't even come close to comparing.

And the only other one that bothers me a lot when I get it (and I don't remember if it's on that site) is "how are you managing with him gone?" Honestly, I managed my life for 24 years before I met H, and I am a very independent person. To me it is very belittling when someone assumes I must be crying myself to sleep every night because I am alone. I'm not saying it's easy by any means, but I'm not useless and pathetic while he is gone either.

If you really want to offer to help, just say something like "if you ever need help with anything, like a babysitter, cleaning, running errands for you, please don't ever hesitate to ask."

Epic07032011 · February 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_not-say-military-wife?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:10cb1b8d-8592-4ac8-bdfa-f6fe98288ee9Post:51d94acc-fed6-4787-be41-402457f6d0a9">Re: What NOT to say to a Military Wife</a>:
[QUOTE]I mean this in the utmost respectful way but there were a few on there that seemed unnecessary to me. I agree that most were horrible. However being upset because someone says "that sucks" or offers to do anything for you seem a bit over the top to me. How would you prefer us non military people to respond when you say your husband is deployed? that sucks seems pretty appropriate to me....I dont know what you are going through but i can imagine it is not easy or fun. same with asking how you are holding up or offering to help with anything. I assume most wives have other wives to talk to but you never know if someone really needs to vent so asking how they are doing would be a genuine concern and offer of listening, at least coming from me. and the offer of help would be genuine as well....a night of baby sitting, helping clean the house, or running errands etc. again I dont mean to be disrespectful but this article comes across as if there is no correct response and as my nephews are in the military and will be having friends deploy if not themselves I would like to know what response you guys prefer if I am in the situation of meeting some of these wives.
Posted by redheadtmk[/QUOTE]

We're not trying to be mean or anything, but these come out funny to us. Even if we could never ever say this stuff out loud, it's nice comic relief. Getting through a deployment is tough, and no matter what someone says or asks about it, it is a reminder, and that makes it more difficult. It makes me feel better to read jokes like that, even though I wouldn't really say most of them.

And... I guess some wives have other wives for support, but I'm not that good at making new friends and we move a lot, so really, my family is the majority of my support--not other wives. I think, so far, I only know 2!

meeko84 · February 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_not-say-military-wife?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:10cb1b8d-8592-4ac8-bdfa-f6fe98288ee9Post:3532c7bc-84ee-40ec-80f1-0af1008faf58">Re: What NOT to say to a Military Wife</a>:
[QUOTE]Ugh that was like one of my patients friends the other day, he told me <strong>"well at least he is in the Navy so you don't have to worry when he is deployment" </strong>I just bit my tongue, being at work and all. But I would have really liked to respond with "oh, yeah, because the only branch that is in any danger is the Army or Marines. He just floats around doing NOTHING for over half the year."
Posted by Drew&Michelle[/QUOTE]
I thought I was the only one who has had this said to them. The things that people say...smh

red1115 · February 2011

hahaha - Thank you so much for posting that - I needed a good laugh tonight!

Redheadtmk: The best thing I've experienced is those kind souls who may not fully understand what we go through, but offer us their kind friendship & support nevertheless. Invitations to gatherings and efforts to make the days as "normal" as possible are always appreciated. Life doesn't stop just because our partners are deployed!
(Although I wouldn't mind if it slowed down a little!)

lef5042 · February 2011

Haha thanks for sharing! Most of these are so true and so funny!

cooper8759 · February 2011

Just saw this and I loved it!! Thanks for making smile and actually laugh outloud for the first time in a week. My FI is a Chief in the Navy with 17 years in... it never gets easier but things like this help!

kayladoyel_08 · February 2011

Thank you for this! I get this ALL the time.

What NOT to say to a Military Wife

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