18 months and no date?

FlickiChicki · December 2010

Now that I'm annoying people, grrrrr.....

Ok, wedding is in June of 2012. We have 18 months to plan this. We have 3 possible dates with a 4th in there also. All are fine except the 4th would be tight with another wedding, which is why it's last on the list.

But why is this apparently a huge deal that we don't have an exact date a month after getting engaged? Yes, I have my dress, I saw it, I loved it, I got it, it will just wait for 18 months. But other than that, no, I have nothing finished yet. I barely have anything started.

Why do I have to plan every single detail down to the speck of dust on the floor a year in advance?

Flick

aMrsin09 · December 2010

It depends on where you live.

Where I grew up, rececption halls are booked out up to three years in advance!

Where I got married? I could have planned it all in three months.

Kristin789 · December 2010

1. Most popular wedding venues do book up fast, like the other responder said.
2. 18 months is a very long engagement - most people who are asking you about this are unfamiliar with that long of an engagement.
3. What else would you have them say to you after "I'm so happy for you" and "Let me see your ring"? This is the usual third question.

annakb8 · December 2010

     I think its fine that you don't have an exact date. I think everyone asks partially because they don't really know what else to say.

     If you are determined to get married in June though, I would start looking for venues now since June is such a popular wedding month. Try and get a general idea of how big your guest list will be and find a venue that fits that size. Then ask what days they have available in June '12 and book something. Then you can answer peoples questions and you will have a big thing checked off your list. Its fine if you wait until closer to the wedding to start some of the other planning. If you were interested in a less popular wedding date I might not suggest this.

     Alternately, if people won't stop bugging you about wedding planning just tell them you haven't started planning as you would like to take some time to just enjoy being engaged.

NOLAbridealmost · December 2010

If you want a venue or a band that's popular in your area, it is best to book sooner than later ESPECIALLY if you're getting married in June and especially if you're getting married on a Saturday. We couldn't get any of the venues we wanted on a Saturday in May at 11 months out so we switched to Sunday.

But other stuff can probably wait for a lot longer (until the 8-6 month range).

megk8oz · December 2010

I was engaged for roughly 20 months, only 5 of which I spent actively planning. And even during that 5 months, I slacked off a lot.

Not going to lie, my venue did a lot of the work for us. Which was great, because I really didn't feel like being bothered with "wedding crap".

ETA: We actually didn't have a date set until 5 months before the wedding. I had a fairly "traditional" wedding, and I'm glad that I did ... but I wasn't really interested in doing much more than putting on a pretty dress and showing up. Which is exactly what I did.

heather011 · December 2010

Ditto PPs. If you're annoyed that ppl are asking you all the time about the date and what you have done, it's most likely just because after "congratulations!" they're not sure what else to say. Just tell them you're enjoying being engaged for now and haven't figured out the details yet. Or tell them you're planning for summer 2012 and leave it at that.

18 months is plenty of time in most places, especially if you're not picky about your venue.

FlickiChicki · December 2010

Well, it was going to be the slightly more normal 11-14 month engagement, but when we decided to get married in land of cold vs land of warm, we decided to a summer wedding instead. Plus, DF, sweet as he may be, could not keep the ring a secret til January, so I got it a bit early.

I don't mind it as the 3rd question, most people are pretty decent towards that. But then I get the group that goes "How do you not know yet?" Because I'm not psychic is my response that I'd like to use, but I am thinking I should be a bit more polite.

andy71781 · December 2010

yeah that "why don't you know that" is annoying. Its the third question that I always ask. Just breathe - you are going through a lot right now!

megk8oz · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_18-months-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:32cad9dd-1b84-4f84-8abb-98cb0ee56b17Post:ac0fc12a-e00a-4f1c-bd01-8cb2559a9b24">Re: 18 months and no date?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: 18 months and no date? : This is how I feel! People keep asking me how the planning is going. And then I remember that I should be planning a wedding. Huh.
Posted by bree4305[/QUOTE]

I'd say of the 5 months we "planned" ... I maybe spent a grand total of 7 full days actually doing wedding-related stuff. Most of my "planning" period was spent goofing off on the Knot. I was excited to be getting married ... but I just did not care about the stupid details, lol.

FlickiChicki · December 2010

Thank you for letting me blow off steam! Now no violence will proceed at work.

Plus, ok, the singing kittehs are ADORABLE!!!!!

megk8oz · December 2010

Aw, thanks!

Don't feel weird about not having an exact date set. I literally spent over a year telling people "Um ... I don't know yet?" whenever I was asked when my wedding was. Look on the bright side, at least you can say "June 2012" when you get asked.

[Deleted User] · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_18-months-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:32cad9dd-1b84-4f84-8abb-98cb0ee56b17Post:449f23d8-592a-45c1-b0e4-2d73c436cac1">18 months and no date?</a>:
[QUOTE]Now that I'm annoying people, grrrrr..... Ok, wedding is in June of 2012. We have 18 months to plan this. We have 3 possible dates with a 4th in there also. All are fine except the 4th would be tight with another wedding, which is why it's last on the list. But why is this apparently a huge deal that we don't have an exact date a month after getting engaged? Yes, I have my dress, I saw it, I loved it, I got it, it will just wait for 18 months. But other than that, no, I have nothing finished yet. I barely have anything started. Why do I have to plan every single detail down to the speck of dust on the floor a year in advance? Flick
Posted by FlickiChicki[/QUOTE]

Its not a huge deal you don't have an exact date set yet. We didn't have a date set until we were about a year out and we were engaged for about 15 months. Just enjoy your engagement.

You don't have to plan every single detail right this very minute. I can honestly tell you that the majority of the planning, esp for the reception, took place in the last 3-4 months or so.

FlickiChicki · December 2010

Are the kittehs yours, or did you see them on the web? I've got 2 Abys and 1 Somali, they are so much fun!

megk8oz · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_18-months-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:32cad9dd-1b84-4f84-8abb-98cb0ee56b17Post:5d713ea1-1a1b-459c-9d2d-06a637771b20">Re: 18 months and no date?</a>:
[QUOTE]Are the kittehs yours, or did you see them on the web? I've got 2 Abys and 1 Somali, they are so much fun!
Posted by FlickiChicki[/QUOTE]

They are kittehs from "lolcats". Sadly, the only "pet" we have is the imaginary turtle DH lets me pretend lives in our sink (If you couldn't guess, we're weird, lol).

We're holding off on "real" pets (I would love to have a cat) until we move into a house-our condo community allows cats and dogs, but there really isn't a lot of room in our place for anything that doesn't live in a tank.

LatentSmile · December 2010

It's fine not to have a date set exactly yet! Usually though, it is the first thing you decide. Since you have the advantage of knowing that you have 18 months, take 6 months and THEN start planning. That's my advice. We're only taking 3 months to plan, but that's another story...

Usually you want to have your date firmed up at least 6 mos in advance though.
In the meantime, if you want to have something to talk about when people ask, you can always give them a few hints of what you're thinking to take the focus off of it and give people something more to talk about. "No, we're going to wait to set the date, but we're thinking of having our colors as: ____" or "No, but we're thinking it will be a gorgeous summer wedding."

Also, keep in mind that everyone wants to be a summer bride (well, almost everyone ;D); June is known to be the hardest to book. The sooner you book your main vendors (catering, venue, music, the less stressed you will be in the long-term and the more $ you will likely be able to save. Enjoy your engagement! The planning process does change your life in the time it's happening!

18 months and no date?

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