Out of Control Guestlist

aghouston86 · May 2011

So last night FI and I visited his uncle, who has been extremely helpful in planning our wedding. Well we got on the topic of the guestlist, and seating, and food, and what not. FI and I had been debating about having open seating vs. assigned tables. He was for open seating, me... not so much. Anyway Fi's uncle backed up my assigned tables idea because he knows that our wedding is going to be a major event in the family just because people usually expect the best from FI and I, ESPECIALLY because I'm American.

So we get to talking about the numbers, and we were planning on inviting about 150 people, which is a number that we felt comfortable with. Well Fi's uncle kept reminding him of people that for sure will be there whether we invite them or not, you know how Hispanic functions go down, and we are thinking that after all is said and done, there will be well over 250-300 people there. I'm praying to god that our original number of 150 shows up for dinner, because we can only afford to feed 160 people with the 10% extra they guarantee us for unexpected guests. Hopefully everyone else shows up after dinner has been cleared out. YIKES!

Anyone else having an out of control guest list?

JeansDayDream · May 2011

My FI and I will probably have assigned seating with a couple of ushers at the door to show people wear they are to be seating, and make sure that they are on the guest list! This worked great at a friend of ours wedding. We are going to be very clear that the reception is by invitation only, and won't be too afraid to turn people away.

Hope things work out!

themrspena · May 2011

Wow Ag, 150 extra people!! I'm over my guestlist by 20 and that has me stressing, but here you are with perhaps 100-150 more people showing up! lol sorry but you have your hands full! That is exactly what we wanted to avoid which lead us to choose a destination wedding so our guestlist would be smaller. I hope your extra guests do show up after dinner. Most people do anyway, they just want to party.

Nati05 · May 2011

Oo scary! The usher idea might work. I'm considering it myself, well not because of extra guests.. more because unfortunately FI happens to know a few psychos. BUT you could start spreading the word that the wedding is invite only/ any guests without invites will not be allowed before a certain hour... that being no extra guests before dinner is scheduled to be over. You know how fast word of mouth goes lol. Good luck! Keep us posted!!

aghouston86 · May 2011

Ya I that's what I am anticipating. Its just crazy how many people my FI and his family know. He is from El Salvador and its interesting how many people from the city he is from (La Libertad) that migrated to the US, let alone to Sacramento where we live. I'm glad that everyone wants to come, but I really think its out of curiosity because they want to see how an American does a wedding. Ya, we will be doing things that alot of people have never experienced, like aspecialty lighting, catering, etc, but to me that is the norm.

JACKIE_RS88 · May 2011

My original was 100 person guestlist - now its up to 150 but I'm sure most OOT guests wont make it but a handful (those are my declinnes so far)...so I'm looking at maybe 125 and hoping its way closer to 100! I sent out RSVP cards - yeah not sure I'm getting many of those back.

DodgersBride · May 2011

<p>[QUOTE]he knows that our wedding is going to be a major event in the family just because people usually expect the best from FI and I, ESPECIALLY because I'm American.
Posted by aghouston86[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE] I'm glad that everyone wants to come, but I really think its out of curiosity because they want to see how an American does a wedding. Ya, we will be doing things that alot of people have never experienced, like aspecialty lighting, catering, etc, but to me that is the norm.
Posted by aghouston86[/QUOTE]

I am a bit put off by your comments on expecting the best because you are American. Other nationalities do weddings of all calibers and of all budgets. It not like only Americans know how to throw a wedding.

I honestly don't think 150 uninvited people will show up to the wedding. I would find it incredibly rude to show up uninvited to a wedding. I would definitely do a seating chart. If you can't accommodate the extra if they show up I would let your venue coordinator(if provided) or hire security to let any uninvited guest that it is a private event by invitation only. No matter what time it is since tiered receptions are not proper etiquette.</p>

Nati05 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_latino-weddings_out-of-control-guestlist?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:680Discussion:d2d7220f-48f8-422f-b44b-950f2a4ed0f9Post:a79a4d94-379a-420c-af18-c722d6928cca">Re: Out of Control Guestlist</a>:
[QUOTE]I am a bit put off by your comments on expecting the best because you are American. Other nationalities do weddings of all calibers and of all budgets. It not like only Americans know how to throw a wedding. Posted by DodgersBride[/QUOTE]

I honestly don't think that's what she meant. Obviously all nationalities can throw amazing weddings. It has nothing to do with that. What she means is that knowing her guests, she suspects they are especially interested in seeing what an American wedding looks like, because it sounds like they're not accustomed to attending one. Whether it's amazing or not is beside the point. It's the cultural and traditional differences that she says people will be interested in checking out. I mean, if I was invited to say a South Asian wedding, besides being honored to be an invited guest I'd be psyched to see what it looks like, what traditions are done and so on. Who throws a better wedding isn't the idea.

ETA: clarity

DodgersBride · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_latino-weddings_out-of-control-guestlist?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:680Discussion:d2d7220f-48f8-422f-b44b-950f2a4ed0f9Post:3294afe6-a59c-4175-9d04-a75a9e5e7333">Re: Out of Control Guestlist</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Out of Control Guestlist : I honestly don't think that's what she meant. Obviously all nationalities can throw amazing weddings. It has nothing to do with that. What she means is that knowing her guests, she suspects they are especially interested in seeing what an American wedding looks like, because it sounds like they're not accustomed to attending one. Whether it's amazing or not is beside the point. It's the cultural and traditional differences that she says people will be interested in checking out. I mean, if I was invited to say a South Asian wedding, besides being honored to be an invited guest I'd be psyched to see what it looks like, what traditions are done and so on. Who throws a better wedding isn't the idea. ETA: clarity
Posted by Nati05[/QUOTE]

i guess we all read and interpret post differently then huh. That's not how I took her post which is why I was put off by it. She may not have meant it that way but that's the way I took it.

Nati05 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_latino-weddings_out-of-control-guestlist?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:680Discussion:d2d7220f-48f8-422f-b44b-950f2a4ed0f9Post:98a9fe8b-2ef9-4ec5-9746-9a17d8a8b4a4">Re: Out of Control Guestlist</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Out of Control Guestlist : i guess we all read and interpret post differently then huh. That's not how I took her post which is why I was put off by it. She may not have meant it that way but that's the way I took it.
Posted by DodgersBride[/QUOTE]

Yeah that's the downside of online boards, you really have no clue in what tone something was said or what the person actually means. Maybe she'll come back and clarify :)

themrspena · May 2011

Well put Nati!

aghouston86 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_latino-weddings_out-of-control-guestlist?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:680Discussion:d2d7220f-48f8-422f-b44b-950f2a4ed0f9Post:a79a4d94-379a-420c-af18-c722d6928cca">Re: Out of Control Guestlist</a>:
[QUOTE]I am a bit put off by your comments on expecting the best because you are American. Other nationalities do weddings of all calibers and of all budgets. It not like only Americans know how to throw a wedding. I honestly don't think 150 uninvited people will show up to the wedding. I would find it incredibly rude to show up uninvited to a wedding. I would definitely do a seating chart. If you can't accommodate the extra if they show up I would let your venue coordinator(if provided) or hire security to let any uninvited guest that it is a private event by invitation only. No matter what time it is since tiered receptions are not proper etiquette.
Posted by DodgersBride[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry you feel "put off" by my comments. I said what I said in regards to my particular situation and knowing my FI'S circle of family and friends very well. Nati pretty much summed it up. In our circle, people are not use to seeing weddings done the way that we are doing ours, its as simple as that. I have been told my some people in FI'S family that they are very curious to see how an "American wedding" is done. I don't particularly think we are doing anything out of the norm, but I understand it will not be the norm for many in attendance. I know it sounds silly but in our situation, the expectation of an extra 150 guests is very realistic. From an etiquette stand point, yes it is rude for uninvited guests to show up, but in our reality it is going to happen. Space wise we can accommodate that large of a number, but in terms of costs of catering, feeding 300 people is unrealistic.

kris_tee · June 2011

AG I'm having the EXACT same problem, but I was hoping for 300 people and it now looks like 450! I have been freaking!! And also dealing with other issues with my mom, etc.

aghouston86 · June 2011

Ugh, you know I can relate girl!! I just know that of all of FI's family lived in the US. WE would be closer to the 400# just in invites, not even including the unexpected guests. I thought I had a big family, but FI has a HUGE family!!!

kris_tee · June 2011

I can just about imagine!

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