African American Weddings

Living Together - Poll

Anyone else doing/have done it?

Why did you move in together?

If you could do it all over again, would you make the same decision?

We don't/didn't (unless you count the 30 days he stayed here in May).

We thought we wanted to live together but quickly found out we didn't need the added stress and temptation (we're waiting).

No, we wouldn't have tried it to begin with.
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Re: Living Together - Poll

  • edited December 2011
    We live together.. We had seperate apartments when we started dating. But then he started staying at my apartment and his became "a place where his couch and stuff was" So when our leases were up, we got an apartment together.. then i go pregnant.. By then, we knew we wanted to spend our lives with eachother so we bought our house.. 
    If i had to do all over again, i wouldnt change a thing.  We have gone through all of the ups and downs together..  We know how we are about money, cleaning, the kid... ect.. There's no "having to learn you" once we are married.  He already knows i have my makeup and hair stuff all over the bathroom. I know he leaves his clothes on the floor after he showers. I know that he's great at budjeting. he knows that im a cover hog lol
    I know that when things get TIGHT, he's going to struggle with me and that we can make it through anything together. 
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  • edited December 2011
    Anyone else doing/have done it?
    Yes, FI moved in with me last summer in Maryland.  We just bought a new home together in Texas.

    Why did you move in together?
    Convenience mostly.  FI works overseas, so even though this is he home, he really isn't here very much right now.  No need for him to maintain a separate home if no one is staying there full time.

    If you could do it all over again, would you make the same decision?
    Absolutely, I think it's a good way to determine what life is like when you are in each others space 24/7.  It's been good for us.  Of course, we are older than many of you (mid 40's).  I'm not sure how it would have worked out for us as 20-somethings.  Everyone is different.
  • edited December 2011
    We live together. I used to think that I didn't want to live with someone before I got married, but I am happy that we are living together. It was not the adustment that I thought it would be.  I was living at home with my parents before I moved into his place. We have been officially living together for about 6 months now.  He asked me to move in since I was staying at his place 4-5 days a week so it just made more sense.  Would I do it again?  Yes. 
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  • edited December 2011
    Anyone else doing/have done it?
    Yes we moved in together October 2010.

    Why did you move in together?
    Like some of the other ladies said, convenience.  He was living with his sister but spending more and more time with me.  Then a townhouse with two bedrooms opened up two doors down from mine and we snatched it up!
    If you could do it all over again, would you make the same decision?
    Yes.  I thought about it a long time and asked friends and family and most everyone thought it was smart if we were considering marriage.  Especially since I was raised as an only child (have a step-brother 6 years older), I wasn't sure about sharing my space but I love it.  We now have a puppy too :)
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  • edited December 2011
    Anyone else doing/have done it?
    FI and I live together and have been for 2 years. It's funny because he told me that he could not marry a woman that he didn't live with first. And I agreed because even though we dated for some years before moving together living together made us closer and even allowed us to find out things that we didn't know about each other. When you live with some they see the most intimate side of you.

    Why did you move in together?
    For us it was about starting the next chapter of our lives together.

    If you could do it all over again, would you make the same decision?
    Yes I would. I don't have any regrets about us moving together, we weighed our options and talked about it a year before we actually moved in together.
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  • edited December 2011
    We are waiting until after we get married to live together. Sometimes I feel it would be nice to let go of his place now and save that rent money but we both decided it was best for us to wait.

    I'm happy either way.
    Wedding date July 7, 2012
  • edited December 2011
    We are waiting until we get married as well to live together. . 1 it's a big no no with my dad 2. we respect his wishes and 3. it's something else to look forward to!!
  • edited December 2011

    Fi and I have lived together for about 2 1/2 years. Back then, both of our leases were coming to an end and it didn't make sense to pay rent on 2 places when we were always together.

    I would definitely do it all over again. I can't imagine not having lived with someone before I married them.

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  • edited December 2011
    Yes we have lived together for about a year. Hmm somewhere between filling a need and convenience? He had relocated for a job which didn't work out so he didn't have an apartment to come back to, I had just moved into my home and he was really helpful with the unpacking and whatnot. He came to visit and never left! And I have to say that no I would not do it again. I've cohabitated before and I find you get to see how a person manages life alone without a partner. You get to really see what they'll bring to the relationship should you decide to go that route. I love living with him, but its definitely not necessary for me.
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  • chescamchescam member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    We're waiting until we're married. I'll be moving in with him. Right now it seems so scary because I like having my own place to come back to but once we're married that's out the window. I know we'll have a lot of work to do with adjusting and all but I know we can do it. 
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  • MsAmeera25MsAmeera25 member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    We don't live together, after the wedding he'll be moving in. I fits us. I think you should do what makes you happy :)

     

  • empeguesempegues member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_living-together-poll?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:c8513f06-a6ad-440f-aef2-1c6370b44cc6Post:a322109d-40ed-46a0-bad0-4859ce6ea00b">Re: Living Together - Poll</a>:
    [QUOTE]We live together.. We had seperate apartments when we started dating. But then he started staying at my apartment and his became "a place where his couch and stuff was" So when our leases were up, we got an apartment together.. then i go pregnant.. By then, we knew we wanted to spend our lives with eachother so we bought our house..  If i had to do all over again, i wouldnt change a thing.  We have gone through all of the ups and downs together..  We know how we are about money, cleaning, the kid... ect.. There's no "having to learn you" once we are married.  He already knows i have my makeup and hair stuff all over the bathroom. I know he leaves his clothes on the floor after he showers. I know that he's great at budjeting. he knows that im a cover hog lol I know that when things get TIGHT, he's going to struggle with me and that we can make it through anything together. 
    Posted by Baesmom[/QUOTE]

    This, almost exactly, except instead of me having a baby, FI and his daughter and myself all moved in together.  I'm glad because it gave me a real look at motherhood.  Also, we couldn't <em><strong>not</strong></em> be together.  Every night we didn't spend together was torture.  We knew we were family and to not act like it was the worst.
  • FabbiegirlFabbiegirl member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Anyone else doing/have done it? We are living together and have been for the majority of our relationship.  We met in June, and by the end of July, I moved in.

    Why did you move in together? One was because of money.  I was over to the house all the time, and the plan was to wait until November; however, we did not think it was economical for me to keep my place and me being at his place all the time anyway.

    If you could do it all over again, would you make the same decision?
    I would have waited until November to move it.  Moving in so soon caused a lot of growing pains. 
  • edited December 2011
    I am actually moving in this weekend! Wedding is 7mos away, but like the other ladies said mostly its convenient. See I moved back home in my cramped up room last year with my parents because I felt that a proposal was coming soon(lol).
    So I didnt renew my apt lease.

    His dad owns alot of property and has given him a house(2yrs ago), so we decided to let him get the feel of living alone, then i'd join. He had lived with his parents forever...lol

    So now the time is here for me to move in. Its convenient because I wont be cramped up, I wont have to go clear across town to see him or vice versa, just about everyday and I think we can learn more about each other. My mom is a little against it, but the way i see it is, we've dated for eight years, have no children and are goal oriented and focused and 31yrs old might I add...lol  Its time!!Smile
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  • edited December 2011
    I am not doing it as its a LD relationship Canada and Jamaica but if I could I would whenever I go on vacation i practically live with him so u can say yes I live with him
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  • edited December 2011
    Anyone else doing/have done it? We live together.

    Why did you move in together? To save money for the wedding.

    If you could do it all over again, would you make the same decision? Actually I don't think so.  Only because we lived 40 miles apart and I went from an 8 mile commute to work to a 50 mile (one way) commute to work .  I have to commute into Silicon Valley which if you have not seen or heard about the traffic it's hard to explain.  I have to leave my house at 5:00 am every morning to make it to work by 7:00 am  The money I save on rent is being used up by gas! CryAlso I am conflicted since for me I believe it is wrong that we live together before marriage even though we are NOT having sex.



    We thought we wanted to live together but quickly found out we didn't need the added stress and temptation (we're waiting).  We are waiting too but I must admit it is much harded to wait now that we live together and sleep in the same bed.


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  • prncszprncsz member
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    We don't but if I could do it over again I would have. He asked me after two years of dating to move in with him and I kept saying no. He was looking at of course of being together daily but also the financial aspect saving over 2k a month by me not living in a separate residence, but because of a previous relationship experience and the fact that his parents were still living in his house after hurricane katrina I declined. Had I though we probably would have  a very nice nest egg saved and wouldn't have had to stress as much when he lost his job last year for two months and then me not working all together to attend school.
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  • edited December 2011
    Anyone else doing/have done it? We've been living together 8 yrs now.

    Why did you move in together? I got my own place when I was in my last year of college and since we spent a lot of time together, we decided to live together. It wasn't really planned...it just sorta happened. However, everything was in my name ONLY....lol.

    If you could do it all over again, would you make the same decision? Maybe not because I was 22 (hubby was 23) and in our last years of college. I will admit that we were not ready to live together. We were great together when it came down to financial stuff, but we argued A LOT about small stuff. I'm glad we lived together before marriage, but it was definitely a struggle the first few years.
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  • TNMurrayTNMurray member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    We lived together before the wedding. I woke up one day and decided I wanted to buy a house. I knew that we were going to be together forever (he didn't yet LOL and we weren't engeged) So I said that I never wanted it to be my house but OUR house, so he helped me pick it out blah blah blah and was there with me at settlement. He moved in with his dog and son. I would do it all over again, it was not pretty for the first 6 months or so, we went from hardle seeing each pther to being around each other 24/7/ DH worked from home and I was laid off right after we bought the house. The transition is not a stress I would've wanted after the wedding.
  • M1ssJM1ssJ member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    We didn't and won't , except for 30 days. We have lived in different cities for our entire relationship and possibly for a while after we get married. It works for us
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  • edited December 2011
    My FI and I do not live together and we are waiting until after we get married to do so. My FI wants me to move in with him, and I believe that it is best that we wait, so based on my personal beliefs he has chosen to wait and I love him for that.  Now, I do spend nights at his house for about half of the week, but I always end up coming home.

    I am actually looking forward to the day when we are husband and wife and we are living together!
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  • edited December 2011
    Anyone else doing/have done it?
    Yes, I currently live with my fiance. It's been about 1.5 years now.

    Why did you move in together?
    We were dating, had separate apartments. Once our relationship moved from just dating to serious exclusivity, he said something about living together. I was perfectly comfortable with living alone so I wasn't in a big hurry to make this move. Unfortunately, he was laid off from his job, after about 2 months, he'd eaten through his savings. I lived in a huge 1/2 double so I invited him to come live with me. He actually moved into the spare bedroom. That didn't last long though (LOL)

    If you could do it all over again, would you make the same decision?
    Absolutely. I have no regrets. I love our relationship, and I love the way we interact with each other. Nothing makes me happier than coming home to him after a long day. If it were up to me, we would have gotten married in a small, small ceremony a long time ago. But he wanted the wedding so I am honoring his wishes.
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  • edited December 2011
    Wow... I have many of the same answers as everyone.
    Yes, we live together. He bought a condo, his roommate moved out and so did mine a few months before. I was struggling to pay the mortgage at my house alone and didn't want to move in with some random person. he didn't care who he lived with and was going to look on craig's list for a roommate (SCARY).

    He kept looking no real connection with anyone and next thing you know he suggested it, and I found a tenant at the same time. There we go. It has been about a year and a half. It takes a lot of work and now we are a smooth running machine in terms of household stuff.

    I never wanted to live together before but finances let the decision be made for us.

    I think I may do it again...
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  • edited December 2011
    Karl has been living in our apartment since May. We are waiting which means we won't live together until after the wedding. It'll be wonderful to come home to him. Or to have him walk through our door. 
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  • happe2getherhappe2gether member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Anyone else doing/have done it? We've lived together now for 3 years.

    Why did you move in together? Our relationship was LD for the first 2 yrs and I wanted us to be together more.  So when FI got an opportunity to transfer his job, he took it and we found a bigger place to move into.  I also wanted to see how we would do living together and it helped both of us financially -moreso me though.

    If you could do it all over again, would you make the same decision? Yes because I don't think I could have waited to find out how it was to live with him.
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  • EsquireJLEsquireJL member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    We don't live together but I cannot wait for so many reasons. We are also waiting like many of you and I am counting the days. I just want to wake up next to him.  We signed a lease on an apartment this month. He will move in September 15th and I will move in after the wedding. We seriously cannot wait. Last weekend we spent two hours on a bench across the street from our new place discussing how excited we are about our new life together.
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  • edited December 2011
    We are in a long distance relationship and are waiting. I'm living at home with my mother and little brother and he's moved back home with his parents to save money. We are looking to buy a home in the next few months. However, I still won't move in until after we're married and have acquired a job there as well :)
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