I know I am posting this on the etiquette board but I need to know what is the proper etiquette on how do Itell one of my long time friends, I no longer want her as a brides maid...Well I want her as a bridesmaid BUT she keeps passing little comments about her not necessarily wanting to be in the wedding party... she has also said that she didnt ask to be in the wedding etc... she is using that she just lost her job as an excuse but my wedding is 1 year away, I am sure she can find a job in the mean time & her husband said to her dont worry about it (we are all friends), that he will pay for the dress. I have also offered to pay 1/2 for the dress and 1/2 for the alterations... She had already bought supplies for the bridal shower (With the moh) and I feel bad if I kick her out, but if her attitude doesnt change I do not see an option...she will attend the wedding regardless of being a bridesmaid, just dont know what to do in this situation or how to say to her I dont want her as a bridesmaid (based upon her attitude and actions)...
Edit:There are a few things I think I should clarify... I am completely understanding of her situation... I have been where she is before and I understand her situation. I completely support her as a friend in fact I have gone above and beyond what friends do. I have gone so far as look for jobs for her, I have emailed places that she is qualified for and have printed out applications and given them to her. I have also given her a list of contacts of people I know who are hiring... this is all because she says "I cant find anything"... I am not throwing her under the bus with this or anything- I even offered to pay 1/2 for the dress as well as the alterations. Her husband and her are not dipping into savings or anything like that. Her husband actually wants her to be a stay at home wife for a while to consentrate on herself.
I have not left her out of anything, in fact it is quite the opposite. She is leaving herself out of just being a friend when I am the one who has been calling and texting, (so is my other friends because we are worried about her ) she is not answering calls, emails and when she does she makes excuses why she can't hang out-"oh I have to clean"- which she says she does everyday or "my cat misses me, I should spend time with her". Myself my friend and 2 other girls used to get together at least 2x a month just to hang out no wedding stuff. She doesnt even want to do that anymore.
I also did not jump the gun for picking out my bridesmaids, they knew who they were from the get-go, we are all life long friends, we have been at eachothers weddings, etc. If you all read what I wrote in the original message it said..." I no longer want her as a brides maid...Well I want her as a bridesmaid BUT she keeps passing little comments about her not necessarily wanting to be in the wedding party..."...I will repeat it again I want her as a bridesmaid BUT she has been passing the comments about not wanting to be in the wedding and how she didnt ask to be in the wedding party etc... Also no one not even the maid of honor asked her to buy anything for the bridal shower- she did this on her own.
I should also say I dont harass her, I check in on her with a few texts a week and a few calls (like maybe 3) mostly after she doesnt answer anyones calls for 2 or more days...
I have been patient and kind.. Again I will repeat I have been understanding of her situation and I dont push anything about the wedding onto her. In fact because of her complete withdrawal from social settings altogether, I have offered to help her in everyday things like cleaning her house! I always listen to her and let her vent, I can also say that as a professional in the field- these are all signs of something deeper wrong- I wont abandon her as a friend- and this wont ruin our friendship- I dont want to "kick" her out of the wedding...but her comments lead me to believe she does not really want to participate.
I have been trying to be as good as a friend as a friend can be. Please do not doubt that....