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Feel like Curious George when all his balloons popped..

stacyjosh99stacyjosh99 member
First Comment
in Wedding Party
My sister, who is also my Maid of Honor, and I have a long history of bittersweet fights and periods of silence that at times last months before we calm down. The past couple of years we have been getting along so awesome, close like we were as little girls. I thoughtfully asked her to be my Maid of Honor with confidence that I would not regret it about six months ago. Well.. I am regretting it. A recent blow out left me feeling deflated. She has been by my side for the last six months giving advice (she used to be a wedding coordinator) and offering support and ideas for my February 2013 wedding. Since our fight I am feeling almost depressed about planning and have no desire to even talk about it with the mom's or other bridesmaids. My sister and I are not the kind of people who can sit down and tell each other how we feel to resolve such an issue. Our issues are deep seeded. We endured a difficult childhood together and our relationship is one of a kind. We are each others worst enemy, and have both treated each other in ways that make me tear up thinking about. We also have insane love and compassion towards each other for what we have endured. She is a very jealous person and also very sentimental. She hurts deep when slighted. I am torn. I don't wanna "fake" getting along. I want us to show each other our love and genuinely laugh together. I can wait it out, but now is when the others want to look for dresses and kick up the bonding and start on details. My fiance and I had decided on a large wedding party, including all of our combined siblings, my (but soon to be our) adorable daughter and our nieces and nephews. I am privately considering just having the little ones be our entire wedding party. They are the ones who are excited and will make us smile. I am stuck. I am bummed. I am confused. Thoughts?
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Re: Feel like Curious George when all his balloons popped..

  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    "Feel like Curious George when all his balloons popped..'
    omg when Curious George gets that sad look on his face I seriously want to cry for him and for all the sad little monkeys in the world.


    You said that sometimes a period of silence let's things calm down, right? Try that for awhile. In fact, take a break from wedding stuff, at least until July.
    Don't do anything rash like having her step down as MOH. That could potentially make things SO much worse. Let some time pass and come back to it when you get new balloons. :)
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  • stacyjosh99stacyjosh99 member
    First Comment
    Thank You so much. I am not one for putting my business out there, but I am really struggling with this.
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_feel-like-curious-george-when-all-his-balloons-popped?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:45a9b8dc-700e-4018-9e1e-0cc05b31f745Post:0d371bd2-d77e-4a0e-9951-be98aaa6f873">Re: Feel like Curious George when all his balloons popped..</a>:
    [QUOTE]"Feel like Curious George when all his balloons popped..' omg when Curious George gets that sad look on his face I seriously want to cry for him and for all the sad little monkeys in the world. You said that sometimes a period of silence let's things calm down, right? Try that for awhile. In fact, take a break from wedding stuff, at least until July. Don't do anything rash like having her step down as MOH. That could potentially make things SO much worse. Let some time pass and come back to it when you get new balloons. :)
    Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]
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  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Well, it's a bit early to shop for dresses, so you have time. If you've already asked all those people to be in your wedding party you can't just kick them all out and choose not to have a wedding party now. You're stuck with them. Furthermore, kicking your sister out of your wedding party is just going to make your relationship infinitely worse. It's a very public, slapintheface move. Just chill on the wedding party thinking for a while. You have 8 months until your wedding, there's not really anything for them to do now. Focus on your relationship with your sister, and maybe get some therapy for your childhood issues.



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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I agree with PP, just take a break from wedding planning.  As long as you have the big things booked: venue, church, photographer - you are set for now.  Try to give your sister space as that has helped you two before.  Did you start the argument this time or her?  Would you be willing to apologize for whatever you did?  Try sending her some flowers when you are ready to chat with her again. 

    I also think that you need counseling to help you deal with your childhood issues as well.  It would probably be beneficial to have you both go.  But if you can go on your own, you may be able to figure out the pattern that would trigger you & your sister's fights and hopefully stop them in their tracks before it gets to the point of silent treatment.
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  • mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    This has been a pattern with you and your sister for a long time now. It sounds like you asked her to be your MOH in the hopes that that gesture would patch things up between you once and for all.

    I get being upset. I really and truly do. But please realize that weddings will NOT change people ... if anything, it just enhances their most prominent traits, whether good or bad. Generous friends' gestures will be magnified, and selfish friends' actions will be magnified. Because you are suddenly looking to them to be the best that they can be for you, and expectations are high.

    Take the high road, and talk to her or leave her a voicemail saying that you don't want to fight and it would mean a lot to you to have her as your MOH. Then let it go. When the time comes to shop for dresses (later this summer), leave her a voicemail about the shopping details. If she doesn't respond to that, then later on leave her a voicemail with the info about the dress that your other bridesmaids chose and where/when she can get it. Again, let it go after that.

    I don't know what your falling out was about, but take a good long look in the mirror and ask yourself if you might have been asking too much of her as your MOH. It's not always about jealousy and envy ... she might feel like she had been mistreated. Apologize if necessary.

    It isn't fair to kick everyone else out of the wedding party just because you and the MOH are having issues. Go on with whoever you have left and make the best of it.

    Ditto the PP who suggested counseling, if you aren't already going.
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  • joe&cassiejoe&cassie
    100 Comments
    I have a twin sister.  It is just me and her we have no other siblings.  We get in fights all the time.  Screaming matches even.  We argue over the simplest things some times.  Apologize to your sister and tell her that you don't want to lose out on some of the most important times in your life and you can't wait to have her standing by you on your special day.  It will mean the world to her and even if you think you were the one who was right and she was wrong be the bigger person here.  You will be thankful for it in the end.  My sister drives me nuts with all of the craziness and bridesmaidzilla stuff but in the end it wouldn't be the same if that was missing. 
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