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MIL question, what would you do?

GJMLuckyGJMLucky
First Comment
in Illinois-Chicago
Would you be accepting of the following situation?

My husband and I bought our house from his parents last year. They were looking to flip a house and sell it, but the market crashed then we ended up purchasing it from them. We are now married and we have been living together for several months. His parents still have their keys to the house, and they will come over often and use their keys to come in. They do call him in advance most of the time, but the info somehow never gets passed on to me. 

When my MIL comes over she will scrub our house clean. I work full time as does my husband, and our house in kept in an average state if cleanliness. She comes over, lets herself in, cleans my husbands bathroom, our kitchen, and our floors, and sometimes moves some things around. My husband see's absolutely nothing wrong with this.However, I am a bit concerned.

How would you feel if this was your situation? 
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Re: MIL question, what would you do?

  • MrsMLRBMrsMLRB
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    You are getting a free cleaning lady. I'd be thrilled.

    I would speak with husband about the fact that you never find out about when she is coming over.
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  • Love is BaldLove is Bald
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I can kinda relate.  Long story short, we live a couple houses away from FIL's and FFIL came over three times in one month unannounced.  I told FI how much it upset me (esp bc FFIL would call first and even though we don't answer he still comes over to see if we are home)... FI addressed it with FFIL and it hasnt happened since.

    That would drive me CRAZY if someone came into our house to clean and move things around! No-freakin-way.  And if my FI refused to address it, I would.  Its a very nice gesture but this is your home!  While cleaning is a daunting task,  I enjoy doing it each weekend bc it gives me a weird kind of pride of the ownership in this house.  No one should be going into your house without your consent... period.
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  • GJMLuckyGJMLucky
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Part of me thinks "free cleaning, awesome!", but the logical side of me knows this is not normal. Before we got our washer and dryer MIL would pick up her sons clothes, wash them at her house, and then bring the folded clothes back over. Ugghh, what is with women and their sons?
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  • MrsMLRBMrsMLRB
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I mean I have a crazy FMIL so I get that she is crossing a boundary.

    I am eteanally non-confrontational with people I care about so I would just change the locks and be like "Oh there was a rash of robberies in the neighborhood" or "I lost my keys so we had to change the locks".
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  • Love is BaldLove is Bald
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Just wondering, is hubby her baby/ is he an only child? My FI is an only child which has a little something to do with our situation. In the end FFIL really loves his son and is looking out for him... but there are boundaries now. The same goes for my crazy mother who likes to ask about certain things in our relationship that's none of her biz... so I have to gently remind her that it's something between FI and I to worry about. It's nice to have caring parents though... :)
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  • GJMLuckyGJMLucky
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    haha, I feel for you! They are only doing these thing out of love, and luckily we know that! He is her youngest and only son, so I think that has a lot to do with it. I think what I am getting at with my hubby is that there are boundaries that need to be established, and that is the hard part.....some parents are just MUCH better with this than others....
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  • Scarlet Starlet 31Scarlet Starlet 31 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    As much as the "free cleaning lady" sounds great, she is crossing boundaries that she shouldn't be.   Coming over to say hi and visit is one thing but cleaning your house for you is a little too personal-what if you left something out that you wouldn't want her to find?  Awkward...I"m sure she means well, but she needs to learn to respect your privacy and space.
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  • thealphabridethealphabride
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    To answer your question I would feel very infuriated if someone was letting themselves into my home when I'm not home and doing cleaning. It is an invasion of privacy. If you are concerned you have every right to be this is YOUR HOME, they do not own it any more, and have no right to enter without your permission, and to clean and move things around????? NO NO NO!! not acceptable AT ALL.

    You need to set boundaries with your in laws ASAP.

    She probably feels she is doing you a favor by helping out, but the real problem is she just can't stand the thought of you not keeping your home up to HER STANDARDS of cleanliness for her son, and that's just plain wrong.

    You live your life as you please, clean house or messy house, it's you house, your life, and your choice, and your responsibility. No free cleaning service excuse will suffice here at all. It's not her house to clean without you and your husband's permission to enter the home.

    FIRST, you and your husband need to get on the same page.

    Then HE needs to bring it up with them, he should handle his parents (problems) and you should handle yours.

    Minimially, your husband is being negligent to you as his wife by not telling you when the in laws are coming. You want your privacy and that is a major issue.
     
    What if you and your hubby were making love on the living room floor and your in laws decised to "drop by" to do a little cleaning???? Or what if your FIL came in the house and you were in the bathroom and didn't hear him come in and walked out naked into the living space??? You need your privacy and this is an incredible invasion of privacy. 
     
    Get together with your husband. Make him listen to your concerns and at least make a compromise, that is what marriage is about, then he needs to approach them.

    If hubby doesn't want to listen to your concerns  then you have a husband problem, not an in law problem.  You and hubby need to be on the same page to get a resolution.

    Best of luck!

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  • GJMLuckyGJMLucky
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with you completely! I tried to post my question as unbiased as possible, just to show hubby that many would feel the same way as me. He is having trouble trying to tell his parent to respect the boundaries without hurting their feelings or something like that. And, yes, there have been a few "close calls" where our visitors have dropped in unexpectedly which would have made for a VERY awkward situation!
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