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Mother of the Groom question

shealyortizshealyortiz member
First Comment
in Moms and Maids
I'm the mother of the groom and I'm wondering, the day of the wedding I know I shouldn't be with the bride unless she wants me to, but not sure I want to hang out in the room with my son and his groomsmen while they get dressed!  But my daughters (yes both of them) are bridesmaids.  So...where is my place??  Is it ok to go back and forth between rooms?  Thanks for any advice!
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Re: Mother of the Groom question

  • saacjwsaacjw member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    Talk to the bride to see if she does want you there. I know I want my FMIL to dress with us and go back and forth to the rooms as she wants. Every wedding I've been in has had the MOG dress with the girls and then go back and forth to the boys room to help out there. I've also seen it where the MOG dresses at home and comes just in time for the pictures/pre wedding activites, ect. 

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  • brigitten20brigitten20 member
    First Comment
    You should have a talk with the Bride and ask her straight forward. I'm getting married in 6 months and as of right now my FMIL is not attending the wedding which is out of my hands. If she was to come I would like her to come in for a bit, but then have her leave and be with her son or other guests helping out. Her and I do not get along well so having her around me while trying to get ready would just add stress to me. It all depends on you and your FDIL's relationship on whether or not you would be in the room getting ready. Whatever is chosen, don't take it too personally. A lot is going on and things can get misunderstood.  Good Luck!! :)
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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I would ask your son to ask his bride if you can get ready with the rest of the girls.  Don't put her on the spot by asking her yourself.  It really depends on your relationship wth FDIL.  If you do ask her yourself, don't demand an answer right away.  

    I did tell my MIL that she was welcomed to have her hair & makeup done at my house if she wished.  She kept saying no, she would get ready on her own. 

    But some brides are so stressed out, that the less people around her that day will be more relaxing for her.  Every once in a while, you will see a post on here about a MOG insisting on being with the bride while getting ready.  But the bride feels she will be stressed out with MOG present, do not take it personally if you FDIL wishes you to not be there that day.
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  • CallmefiaCallmefia
    First Comment
    I don't know that I would ask the bride outright. Maybe ask your son if you are needed to assist with the bride? He can talk to her and relay the information without putting the bride on the spot.

    If you ask her outright, she might feel obligated to invite you into her dressing area even if she doesn't plan on having you there. I think I might be a little uncomfortable if my FMIL asked me if she could get ready with us. If she did ask, I would probably agree, but generally there will already be a LOT of people (you know, with MOG and Bridesmaids etc) getting ready. It could be overwhelming!
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  • CallmefiaCallmefia
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    Olive oil beat me to it all =D
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  • redheadtmkredheadtmk member
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    I am not a fan of the passive ask your son to ask her bit. However I know that is how some people prefer to operate. You know your relationship with your FDIL best and how you should procede. I personally prefer the straight forward method.

     I would say something along the lines of    " I was thinking about the day of the wedding and what my place is. I would like to spend some time with my daughters and some time with my son while they get ready. I understand you may be overwhelmed and not want a lot of people in the room. I respect that decision, would not take it personally, and do not want you to feel pressured. You dont have to decide this minute, and I would rather you think about it than answer right now."  

    Like I said, everyone operates differently but I dont understand why adults can not just be honest, straightforward, and respectful to each other. I think misunderstandings occur far more often when you beat around the bush, or active passive than when you are just straightforward. Either way good luck!!!
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  • getaclue44getaclue44 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    I offered to let my FMIL get her hair and makeup done with us, but then she will go back to the hotel and get ready with her husband and head to the church.  When both my brothers got married, my mother was with my brothers--for one she hosted all the GM and fed them lunch for the other she hung with my dad and checked in on my brother.  She never thought of going with my FSILs or wanting to be with my sister and I as we got ready.  She felt her place was with her sons
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  • LauraChristinLauraChristin member
    First Comment
    I would ask the bride or groom "What time would you like me to be where on the wedding day." They will then tell you to be with the girls at x time for getting ready or be at the ceremony site at x time for pre-wedding photos and you will find out what they'd like without sounding pushy.
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  • saric83saric83 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-of-the-groom-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:b57803fa-6866-486b-9040-c43fc5a3a1f6Post:154bf692-8d27-405c-9b94-c59de184776f">Re: Mother of the Groom question</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would ask the bride or groom "What time would you like me to be where on the wedding day." They will then tell you to be with the girls at x time for getting ready or be at the ceremony site at x time for pre-wedding photos and you will find out what they'd like without sounding pushy.
    Posted by LauraChristin[/QUOTE]

    I think this is a great idea!  It's not about being passive, but simply not wanting to put someone on the spot.

    I adore my FMIL, but in order to keep myself calm, I needed/wanted to have that time with very few people.  So I greatly appreciated the fact that she never asked me to be in there because I wouldn't have told her no since I wouldn't want to hurt her feelings, but the reality is that I don't care to get dressed in front of a big group of people. : ) 

    Also, depending on how big the room is where they're getting ready, I've been in weddings where it's annoying to cram even more people in the room.  So maybe figure out what the set-up is too, and that might help you figure out what would be best. 
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  • melb2013melb2013 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-of-the-groom-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:b57803fa-6866-486b-9040-c43fc5a3a1f6Post:154bf692-8d27-405c-9b94-c59de184776f">Re: Mother of the Groom question</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would ask the bride or groom "What time would you like me to be where on the wedding day." They will then tell you to be with the girls at x time for getting ready or be at the ceremony site at x time for pre-wedding photos and you will find out what they'd like without sounding pushy.
    Posted by LauraChristin[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I also like this suggestion.  Personally, I like to go through my FI when I need to ask my future in-laws personal questions, and I would prefer them to go through my FI to ask me personal questions.  I don't think it's being passive- I think it's just maintaning comfortable boundries.  </div><div>
    </div><div>That being said, I'm assuming my FMIL will be in the room with me since her daughter is a bridesmaid.  I hadn't really thought about it a lot, but I know she's not going to hang out with a bunch of guys getting changed.

    </div>

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  • ootmother2ootmother2 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-of-the-groom-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:b57803fa-6866-486b-9040-c43fc5a3a1f6Post:154bf692-8d27-405c-9b94-c59de184776f">Re: Mother of the Groom question</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would ask the bride or groom "What time would you like me to be where on the wedding day." They will then tell you to be with the girls at x time for getting ready or be at the ceremony site at x time for pre-wedding photos and you will find out what they'd like without sounding pushy.
    Posted by LauraChristin[/QUOTE]


    Absolutely agree!

    Asking to be there puts the ride on the spot for an answer right away.  I think that if she wants you there, she'll let you know welll in advance.
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  • mela1354mela1354
    First Comment
    I was the MOG 4years ago.  My daughter was a bridesmaid and my husband was in charge of "babysitting" the groom & his attendants.  I never even considered joining in with the bride and her party.  I figured if she wanted me there she would say so.  It's a special time for her & HER mother, so be sensitive and let them enjoy it. I was in charge of all the decorations - church & reception -- so I had a few tasks to take care of in the morning.  I had a quiet lunch and thenI went to my favorite salon (different from the bridal party) & had my hair & makeup done. My husband joined me in the room we had booked in the same hotel as  other guest and we dressed & drove to the church for pre-ceremony wedding photos.

    Do you have sisters or friends who could join you if you feel being alone is too difficult? I had my family busy setting up the reception space so they couldn't hang out with me.  I was content to be by myself & enjoy the quiet before all the excitementSmile

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