moh help

leslielou4 · June 2012

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GoodLuckBear14 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_advice-please-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:87920514-66e0-4362-a8be-47088140a8acPost:8b992e8b-861b-455e-9836-db84725dd57b">Advice please!</a>:
[QUOTE]A friend of mine asked me to be one of her bridesmaids. I told her I would love to, but if I had known that cost associated I would have politely and regretfully declined. Maybe I am being unreasonable, but here is the situation. We were all asked to buy a black cocktail dress, which seemed fine because it is something we could wear again and we could work within our own budget. The bride wanted us all to wear the same shoes so we spent about a month sharing ideas of shoes we could order. The shoes she picked were one of the most expensive pairs of custom/handmade shoes and ended up costing about $60. I am also being asked to pitch in towards a separate bridal shower and bachelorette party (of which an expensive limo ride and wine tasting tour are involved). I have never met the maid of honor who is in charge of all the planning and I feel awkward discussing my bad financial situation with her. I also don't feel right discussing it with the bride. I feel sick to my stomach I am so stressed about this and don't know what to do. Please give me your advice! How do I tactfully handle the situation when I can't afford to participate?
Posted by leslielou4[/QUOTE]

Okay, first things first: Where in the world did you find custom handmade shoes for $60?!?!?! Cheap crap from China sometimes costs that much.

Now that that is out of the way, the bride and her MOH are very far into wrong territory here. If the bride wants you all in the same shoe, then it is her responsibility to pay for them. As for the pre-wedding parties, the MOH should have privately asked what, if anything, you could contribute.

I would simply call the MOH and say "I know that these are your plans, however, my contribution can only be $ x.00." Even if it is nothing, you are under no obligation to contribute anything. You don't have to explain why or go into any kind of details. If she presses you for a reason, simply tell her that you do not discuss finances with anyone.

OliveOilsMom · June 2012

Send a simple email to the MOH and simply say that you can either only contribute X to the bachelorette party or you cannot contribute at all as it is out of your budget or just politely decline on attending period. You do not need to go into a full explanation. Same goes for the bridal shower. Tell the bride you are sorry to miss the events, but you will be thinking of her those days.

FWIW, I was a BM a few years back and had an MOH who demanded $100 for the gift for the bride. This was after the $250 spent on the shower itself. So I wrote her an email privately and told her I would be doing a separate gift. She then responded back, copying the bride's mom (!), saying that a group gift is a must. I just held my ground and basically said I couldn't contribute money I didn't have.

GoodLuckBear14 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_advice-please-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:87920514-66e0-4362-a8be-47088140a8acPost:b2b8810b-4586-4b37-8b51-89934252c628">Re: Advice please!</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks ladies for the excellent advice! While I would love to be able to participate in everything, I think I will just have to say I can't go to the wine tour. It wouldn't be fair to pay less than my share to attend. The shoes were from a shop on etsy, can't remember the name of it. I will try to find it. Ours were $60 with a discount for it being a large order, <strong>I think the bride's shoes from that same website were about $150 and it was suggested that</strong> <strong>the bridal party help cover the cost of her shoes as well.</strong> Thanks again!
Posted by leslielou4[/QUOTE]

You have got to be kidding!!!! Who was it that made that suggestion???

aerinpegadrak · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_advice-please-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:87920514-66e0-4362-a8be-47088140a8acPost:a311c1ba-0369-4a28-be85-e8a7c1bc3786">Re: Advice please!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Advice please! : You have got to be kidding!!!! Who was it that made that suggestion???
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

Seriously. What the hell is she smoking? Whoever suggested it, that's way, way out of line. If the bride can't afford the shoes she wants, she needs to keep shopping, not treating her attendants like an ATM. Sweet merciful crap...

mbcdefg · June 2012

Remember that no one has the right to tell you how to spend your money, and you do not need to seek someone else's permission or forgiveness for spending your own money. All you have to say is, "I can afford to contribute no more than x." You do not need to and absolutely should not apologize, explain yourself, or elaborate. There is absolutely nothing rude about saying, "I can contribute x." If MOH doesn't like it, too bad. Sweetly tell her that she can either accept your contribution asis, or you won't contribute anything and then she is free to do whatever she wants with her own money without seeking anyone else's input. When you pay, you are entitled to a say. She is not entitled to bully you into spending whatever she says just because she's the MOH. Same goes for the bride.

GoodLuckBear14 · June 2012

Leslie - why did you change your OP to something completely different???

ajmom2two · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_advice-please-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:87920514-66e0-4362-a8be-47088140a8acPost:98c0f503-fa42-4d9d-b779-f39d6d694843">Re: MOH $ help</a>:
[QUOTE]Leslie - why did you change your OP to something completely different???
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

<div>I was really confused about this too. I couldnt figure out why the responses didnt match up. Maybe she thought she should just post a new question on her original post? Not really sure.</div>

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