Reception only invite

shanding4787 · May 2012

Our church only holds so many people, so half our guests will just be getting a reception only invite (which they are perfectly fine with). How would I word it? I was invited to a wedding last year and we got a reception only invite and I can't for the life of me remember what it said.

shanding4787 · May 2012

I've been to numerous weddings where it was reception only invite, I don't find it rude at all.

littleluckypenny · May 2012

Very rude. Unless you are having a truly intimate ceremony, which you are not, as you say HALF of your guests are "reception only", what you are doing is very rude.

shanding4787 · May 2012

Well I don't think it's rude and I've been to a few of them. I'd be offended if I was invited to the ceremony only. It's the church I've been going to for a quite a while, I can't help it that it only holds so many people. So does anyone actually have the answer to my question?

shanding4787 · May 2012

Most people that I know dont even like going to the ceremony so they won't be offended if they aren't invited to it. In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_reception-only-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:4988e32c-b00d-40a3-a5ef-7db3f61707d9Post:1c6d0f15-3116-452d-b186-32612ada44e8">Re: Reception only invite</a>:
[QUOTE]Right, but someone could believe the moon is made of cheese. It doesn't make it right though. Invitations to the reception only can come off as gift grabby. It says "Oh, well we didn't think you were important enough to see us get married, but here's a plate of food, and oh, drop you gift off to us over there". Hopefully no one would ever be rude enough to actually say that, but thats how it comes off. Plus the reception is the expensive part, so do those extra guests really need to be invited?
Posted by lovethebeach16[/QUOTE]

rlavach · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_reception-only-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:4988e32c-b00d-40a3-a5ef-7db3f61707d9Post:9a19a367-f4e8-4396-a2ca-aa2d97644fa3">Re: Reception only invite</a>:
[QUOTE]Most people that I know dont even like going to the ceremony so they won't be offended if they aren't invited to it. In Response to Re: Reception only invite :
Posted by shanding4787[/QUOTE]
Why wouldn't they like going to the ceremony? That's the actual marriage that everyone is there to celebrate. The reception is just a big party to celebrate that. There are people that can only go to the reception, but it's usually because the ceremony is too early/far that they can't make it. <div>
</div><div>This happens a lot on TK. People come here with a bad idea and then want others to help them carry it out. That won't happen. The majority here aren't going to give you advice on how to be rude to your guests. But, the reality is, you can/will do whatever you please. Just remember, rarely will anyone say to your face that they think you're rude. So if you're guests are saying they don't have a problem with it, that doesn't mean that's the truth. Internet strangers have no problem telling you the truth because we have no personal attachment to your feelings & don't feel bad to be honest.</div>

MyNameIsNot · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_reception-only-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:4988e32c-b00d-40a3-a5ef-7db3f61707d9Post:aa52bab1-49c7-4e6c-9663-05d243e518d0">Re: Reception only invite</a>:
[QUOTE]Wel<strong>l I don't think it's rude</strong> and I've been to a few of them. I'd be offended if I was invited to the ceremony only. It's the church I've been going to for a quite a while, I can't help it that it only holds so many people. So does anyone actually have the answer to my question?
Posted by shanding4787[/QUOTE]

<div>Sorry, but it is rude. You can believe what you want, but it is a fact that this is rude. In addition to excluding them from the most important part, you are also tiering your guests and telling half that they are in the less important group.</div><div>
</div><div>You may have been fine with being treated that way, but that is not how people should treat each other.</div>

[Deleted User] · May 2012

I think the comments to the post are rude... the question posed is not rude at all. I think it is perfectly acceptable to invite guests to the reception only. If you are getting married at a small church and have 300-400 guests...what else are you supposed to do? I think it would be rude to not invite people to the reception because you didn't have room at the ceremony. I rather have you at the recprion than not be there at all... Also, I think you could use the same format as the wedding invitation, but just put "Come Join in the Celebration" or something like that and just put the reception info vs all the ceremony info.

littleluckypenny · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_reception-only-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:4988e32c-b00d-40a3-a5ef-7db3f61707d9Post:a08ada8e-9d9e-4dd2-9c1c-e76b4692388d">Re: Reception only invite</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I think the comments to the post are rude... the question posed is not rude at all. I think it is perfectly acceptable to invite guests to the reception only. If you are getting married at a small church and have 300-400 guests...what else are you supposed to do?</strong> I think it would be rude to not invite people to the reception because you didn't have room at the ceremony. I rather have you at the recprion than not be there at all... Also, I think you could use the same format as the wedding invitation, but just put "Come Join in the Celebration" or something like that and just put the reception info vs all the ceremony info.
Posted by dkmccandless[/QUOTE]

Oh Please. The question is rude! And to answer your questions about getting married in a small church, the solution is one of three things:

a) only invite those who are invited to the ceremony to the reception
b) have a truly intimate ceremony (parents, siblings, grandparents)
c) find a different ceremony site that fits ALL invited

What OP is trying to do is rude, and to tell her it is not is just silly. OP may not think it is rude, but I can guarantee a lot of people will, even if they pretend not to be hurt and tell her to her face.

QueerFemme · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_reception-only-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:4988e32c-b00d-40a3-a5ef-7db3f61707d9Post:aa52bab1-49c7-4e6c-9663-05d243e518d0">Re: Reception only invite</a>:
[QUOTE]Well I don't think it's rude and I've been to a few of them. I'd be offended if I was invited to the ceremony only. It's the church I've been going to for a quite a while, I can't help it that it only holds so many people. So does anyone actually have the answer to my question?
Posted by shanding4787[/QUOTE]

Just because its the church you have been going to for a while, doesn't mean you have to be married there. You either invite the number of people who can fit into the venue you have picked, or you pick a different venue and invite more people. You could still get married by the pastor of the church, but pick a different location.

You say you "can't help that it only holds so many people"... but no one is forcing you to get married there. That's a choice that you are making. And in doing so, you are being rude to half of your guests.

devilishangel61401 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_reception-only-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:4988e32c-b00d-40a3-a5ef-7db3f61707d9Post:4c10ecf1-42b3-4af6-aeb4-5e8e809a0720">Re: Reception only invite</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Reception only invite : Oh Please. The question is rude! And to answer your questions about getting married in a small church, the solution is one of three things: a) only invite those who are invited to the ceremony to the reception b) have a truly intimate ceremony (parents, siblings, grandparents) c) find a different ceremony site that fits ALL invited What OP is trying to do is rude, and to tell her it is not is just silly. OP may not think it is rude, but I can guarantee a lot of people will, even if they pretend not to be hurt and tell her to her face.
Posted by littleluckypenny[/QUOTE]

Excactly what PP said.. it may be "ok" to some ppl but etiquette wise it is rude.
You have options: either cut the guest list entirely, change your venue or have a private ceremony, you your fh, parents grandparents siblings.

Some ppl may have said they dont mind missing the ceremony to spare your feelings but personally I would be offended if I only got invited to the reception.. unless the ceremony was private or the couple eloped and then had a big party for everyone. Ive been invited to two weddings like this and did not go at all, and from what I've heard from the happy couples the ppl that got invited to reception only were freinds and many of them did not attend, it was mostly family that showed up.

devilishangel61401 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_reception-only-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:4988e32c-b00d-40a3-a5ef-7db3f61707d9Post:aa52bab1-49c7-4e6c-9663-05d243e518d0">Re: Reception only invite</a>:
[QUOTE]Well I don't think it's rude and I've been to a few of them. I'd be offended if I was invited to the ceremony only. It's the church I've been going to for a quite a while, I can't help it that it only holds so many people. So does anyone actually have the answer to my question?
Posted by shanding4787[/QUOTE]

People did answer your question they just don't agree with your opinion. Ask Carley has a question similar to this and she answered that its rude to do this to your guests.

shanding4787 · May 2012

It's OUR church, why would we not get married there? That makes absolutely no sense at all. To get baptized there and attend service every Sunday and worship and be a part of the congregation, but not get married there just because it's a on the small side? That's just ridiculous.

devilishangel61401 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_reception-only-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:4988e32c-b00d-40a3-a5ef-7db3f61707d9Post:3e61a493-8b14-4a81-8836-852f1cfad16f">Re: Reception only invite</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Reception only invite : Excactly what PP said.. it may be "ok" to some ppl but etiquette wise it is rude. You have options: either cut the guest list entirely, change your venue or have a private ceremony, you your fh, parents grandparents siblings. Some ppl may have said they dont mind missing the ceremony to spare your feelings but personally I would be offended if I only got invited to the reception.. unless the ceremony was private or the couple eloped and then had a big party for everyone. Ive been invited to two weddings like this and did not go at all, and from what I've heard from the happy couples the ppl that got invited to reception only were freinds and many of them did not attend, it was mostly family that showed up.
Posted by devilishangel61401[/QUOTE]

Forgot to add the reason I got offend was because the couples put it on their facebook page something like this.."we are sorry we can't invite everyone to our ceremony we are having as many friends as we can but for all of you who don't get an invite you can come party with us later hope no one's offended.." sheesh of course ppl will get offended

devilishangel61401 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_reception-only-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:4988e32c-b00d-40a3-a5ef-7db3f61707d9Post:25448953-6da3-41a0-823a-a085b503c2cf">Re: Reception only invite</a>:
[QUOTE]It's OUR church, why would we not get married there? That makes absolutely no sense at all. To get baptized there and attend service every Sunday and worship and be a part of the congregation, but not get married there just because it's a on the small side? That's just ridiculous.
Posted by shanding4787[/QUOTE]

If your heart is set on getting married there then you really need to cut the guest list, or have a private ceremony like pp's suggested.

No one is saying not to get married there, you asked for advice/opinons on having only half or your guests coming only to the recpetion since your chuch cannot hold them all. Ppl have given you their advice/opinions you are free to do what you want to do, but when you ask for ppl's thoughts they are going to tell you what they think even if you don't like the advice they offer. The general opinion seems to be that its rude to do what you want to do. There is nothing wrong with doing a private ceremony then having your party for everyone that way no one's feelings get hurt and you are practicing good ettiqutte.

QueerFemme · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_reception-only-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:4988e32c-b00d-40a3-a5ef-7db3f61707d9Post:25448953-6da3-41a0-823a-a085b503c2cf">Re: Reception only invite</a>:
[QUOTE]It's OUR church, why would we not get married there? That makes absolutely no sense at all. To get baptized there and attend service every Sunday and worship and be a part of the congregation, but not get married there just because it's a on the small side? That's just ridiculous.
Posted by shanding4787[/QUOTE]

It DOES make sense to get married there, since it's YOUR church. Having a small ceremony isn't rude. Getting married in your small church isn't rude...and makes perfect sense. What doesn't make sense and is ridiculous, is inviting more people to your reception than your ceremony. Cut your guest list or change your ceremony venue. Don't act like the church being small is what is causing your poor etiquette. You are doing that all by yourself.

Most likely, you aren't going to get the answers you are looking for here. 95% of the people on TK will think what you are doing is rude and in poor taste.

[Deleted User] · May 2012

Really?! Are we going to act like children on this site? Aren't we all GROWN WOMEN...getting married?! I was just trying to defend this bride and her idea...she can do whatever she wants and shouldn't be criticized to ask a question. Wow, this is pretty ridiculous!! Besides..you all aren't invited to her wedding anyway, so what do you care? She wasn't asking your opinion on the idea..she was asking how to word the invite so if you aren't going to answer her question...then don't respond at all.

QueerFemme · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_reception-only-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:4988e32c-b00d-40a3-a5ef-7db3f61707d9Post:795e4085-a0a5-4dc1-a95c-97671f80cd89">Re: Reception only invite</a>:
[QUOTE]Really?! Are we going to act like children on this site? Aren't we all GROWN WOMEN...getting married?! I was just trying to defend this bride and her idea...she can do whatever she wants and shouldn't be criticized to ask a question. Wow, this is pretty ridiculous!! Besides..you all aren't invited to her wedding anyway, so what do you care? She wasn't asking your opinion on the idea..she was asking how to word the invite so if you aren't going to answer her question...then don't respond at all.
Posted by dkmccandless[/QUOTE]

When you post a question in a public forum asking for advice, you don't actually get to dictate the answers you get.

devilishangel61401 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_reception-only-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:4988e32c-b00d-40a3-a5ef-7db3f61707d9Post:795e4085-a0a5-4dc1-a95c-97671f80cd89">Re: Reception only invite</a>:
[QUOTE]Really?! Are we going to act like children on this site? Aren't we all GROWN WOMEN...getting married?! I was just trying to defend this bride and her idea...she can do whatever she wants and shouldn't be criticized to ask a question. Wow, this is pretty ridiculous!! Besides..you all aren't invited to her wedding anyway, so what do you care? She wasn't asking your opinion on the idea..she was asking how to word the invite so if you aren't going to answer her question...then don't respond at all.
Posted by dkmccandless[/QUOTE]

I dont see how anyone is being childish or rude. She asked how to word this and obviously none of us know how to word this because according to ettiqutte what she wants to do is rude. Its that simple. When you go online and ask for advice help etc.. you're going to get told what ppl think. whether or not you like it.

I saw a similiar question in ask Carley and she even told the op that it was rude to do this to guests. Its ulitmately the brides decsion what she does but most ppl on here are not going to tell you its "ok" to do things that violate rules of ettitquttte. In formal events such as weddings ettiqutte is very important. One gal even offered op options..

cutting the guest list, change the venue, or have a private ceremony. No one is telling the brid not to have the wedding that she wants to have we are just advising her of proper ettiquette.. I feel that if you don't want to know what ppl think its best not to ask them in the first place. Have a nice day

littleluckypenny · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_reception-only-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:4988e32c-b00d-40a3-a5ef-7db3f61707d9Post:795e4085-a0a5-4dc1-a95c-97671f80cd89">Re: Reception only invite</a>:
[QUOTE]Really?! Are we going to act like children on this site? Aren't we all GROWN WOMEN...getting married?! I was just trying to defend this bride and her idea...she can do whatever she wants and shouldn't be criticized to ask a question. Wow, this is pretty ridiculous!! Besides..you all aren't invited to her wedding anyway, so what do you care? She wasn't asking your opinion on the idea..she was asking how to word the invite so if you aren't going to answer her question...then don't respond at all.
Posted by dkmccandless[/QUOTE]

No one is acting childish. Why coddle OP with moondust and rainbows when her plans are blatantly not a good idea? At all?

We are only trying to steer her in another course and provide better solutions.

OP, no one says you HAVE to give up your church if you don't want to, but you have to realize that planning a wedding requires tough decisions. If you are adamant about not moving your ceremony, you really only have two other options <em>without being rude to the people you care about.</em>

rlavach · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_reception-only-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:4988e32c-b00d-40a3-a5ef-7db3f61707d9Post:795e4085-a0a5-4dc1-a95c-97671f80cd89">Re: Reception only invite</a>:
[QUOTE]Really?! Are we going to act like children on this site? Aren't we all GROWN WOMEN...getting married?! I was just trying to defend this bride and her idea...she can do whatever she wants and shouldn't be criticized to ask a question. Wow, this is pretty ridiculous!! Besides..you all aren't invited to her wedding anyway, so what do you care? She wasn't asking your opinion on the idea..she was asking how to word the invite so if you aren't going to answer her question...then don't respond at all.
Posted by dkmccandless[/QUOTE]
Let me guess, you're visiting from Wedding Wire? Oh no, wait. Wedding Bee?<div>
</div><div>Anyway, OP, like many of the other PPs said, no one said you can't get married at your church. I totally understand that being non-negotiable. I've been going to the same place of worship since I was born & my parents even got married there 30 years ago. Getting married elsewhere was NOT an option. Because of that, I had to choose a reception venue that was a reasonable distance away from there in order to be respectful of my guests, although perhaps I'd prefer to have my reception somewhere further. In the same way, where you have chosen to get married has put a restriction on you in regards to how many to invite. It's something you have to deal with, whether you like it or not?</div>

aragx6 · May 2012

So you've personally asked all 150-200 of the non-ceremony-invited guests and you know they're "perfectly fine with it?" You're not only rude, but also a liar.

QueerFemme · May 2012

Since we are only supposed to give advice on how to word things... according to dkm.. how's this:

You are invited to the RECEPTION only
for
Jane Rude Bride
and
John Rude Groom

We want to get married in our church
but, still want all of your gifts
so, pop by the reception
and drop that off

thanks!

shanding4787 · May 2012

Actually, since you assclowns all think it's about the gifts, I have no problem proving you wrong. We are NOT accepting gifts for the wedding. My fiancee and I have a beatiful, fully furnished home that we do not need anything for, so in lieu of gifts, we giving people the option to donate to the American Cancer Society instead, since we've both had many family members die of cancer. So take you gift theory and shove it, we're not asking for sh*t for ourselves.

QueerFemme · May 2012

I don't think its about gifts... I'm telling you... inviting people to your reception and not to your ceremony makes it LOOK like its about gifts. Whether you think it does or not.

shanding4787 · May 2012

Well people that are invited know my fiancee and I well enough to know we're not money grubbers and it's not about that to us.

[Deleted User] · May 2012

No matter how you paint this you and your FI will come off as rude and inconsiderate. People will definitely be talking about this afterwards, no matter how may of these tiered weddings you've attended. Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials, I'm sure half of your guests will love it!

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_reception-only-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:4988e32c-b00d-40a3-a5ef-7db3f61707d9Post:2048d2e5-f13c-4019-a143-055a8cac6d4e">Re: Reception only invite</a>:
[QUOTE]Actually, since you assclowns all think it's about the gifts, I have no problem proving you wrong. We are NOT accepting gifts for the wedding. My fiancee and I have a beatiful, fully furnished home that we do not need anything for, so in lieu of gifts, <strong>we giving people the option to donate to the American Cancer Society instead</strong>, since we've both had many family members die of cancer. So take you gift theory and shove it, we're not asking for sh*t for ourselves.
Posted by shanding4787[/QUOTE]

Also tacky. You don't tell people how to spend their money. Oh wow! I NEVER KNEW I had the option to donate my own money to the American Cancer Society!

Seriously, you must be a troll.

aragx6 · May 2012

You're not accepting gifts? How does that work exactly?

Do you need help writing yet more terribly rude wording on your invitation?

QueerFemme · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_reception-only-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:4988e32c-b00d-40a3-a5ef-7db3f61707d9Post:89cb64b1-b88e-4929-a951-712c36c57e6d">Re: Reception only invite</a>:
[QUOTE]No matter how you paint this you and your FI will come off as rude and inconsiderate. People will definitely be talking about this afterwards, no matter how may of these tiered weddings you've attended. Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials, I'm sure half of your guests will love it!
Posted by JordanF13[/QUOTE]

That's exactly what I was thinking... You can think this is "ok" all you want.... and I'm guessing you are going to do it anyway, but it doesn't change how rude it actually IS. I'm sure your friends won't say anything to your face... and maybe even some of them won't actually realize it is RUDE, the same way you didn't realize you were being treated poorly in the past when invited to tiered weddings. It doesn't change the fact that its still rude and poor etiquette.

shanding4787 · May 2012

So..I'm a horrible person..for telling people that IF they want to spend money, to not do it on me...to give money to a wonderful charity for something that kills millions of people every year...wow you're right, I'm awful.

Reception only invite

Re: Reception only invite

Choose Another Board

Search Boards