this is the code for the render ad
Chit Chat

Am I wrong?

I feel I am not- but I think I need an outsiders opinion. I'll try to keep it brief.... About 4 years ago, my mother had stole some money from my grandparents. She screwed up big time, but they forgave her. Her sister on the other hand, thought my mother was the worst person in the world. After some time had passed, grandparents forgave her and my mom had been caring for them. Gpa passed away in Feb 2010 and my mom cared for my grandmother. in august of that year, my aunts decided to put gma in a home and kicked my mom out. The aunt who thought my mom was terrible, treats me  and my sister like outcasts because we stick with our mom. She does talk to my brother though. She gossips around town, I'm from a small town, about what my mom did and how she ruined my grandparents lives. Fast forward to now- I decided that I wanted my mom to be able to enjoy my wedding and not feel like she's been looked down upon, so I decided not to invite this aunt or her family. I haven't talked to her in over a year. Her daughter sent me a message on facebook on how she was hurt i didn't invite her mom and she was tired of seeing her mom struggle over what a screw up her sister is and now not being invited to the wedding. How her family has "been there" for all of us through this whole thing. She has NOT said one word to me in over a year. She deleted me on facebook, which i thought was childish, but i didn't care. She gossips about my family and my sister to people in town. Am I wrong for wanting my wedding to be drama free? Am I wrong for not inviting this aunt? Honesty, I don't mind if you think I am. Thanks for listening to me vent.
Wedding Countdown Ticker

Re: Am I wrong?

  • Ya know, its your day and you deserve it without drama. Besides if you havent talked to her in over a year, then she obviously doesnt care too much.

    It sucks what you mom did to your grandparents but it sounds like the water has been cleared of that, and your aunt just likes to stir the pot.

    I say no but thats just my opinion.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker Flowers
    image 160 Invited
    image 2 are ready to party with there boots on! image 0 have better things to do image158 are trying to find there boots
    RSVP Date: July 25th
  • I don't think you are wrong at all.  Who are they to be offended when you haven't even spoken in over a year.  She has some nerve trying to guilt you into an invitation. 

    I would not invite them either.
  • Nope.  I wouldn't invite them either.  Yes, it was really wrong what your mom did, but it sounds like she has done her best to make it right with her parents by taking care of them.  Your mom is on a new path, your aunt is stuck on the road of bitterness.  Leave her there.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_am-i-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:7f35e9b8-02bf-40df-8cfb-3d03e8f8877cPost:912f6760-6f5e-4606-8afa-f86643cd1915">Am I wrong?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I feel I am not- but I think I need an outsiders opinion. I'll try to keep it brief.... About 4 years ago, my mother had stole some money from my grandparents. She screwed up big time, but they forgave her. Her sister on the other hand, thought my mother was the worst person in the world. After some time had passed, grandparents forgave her and my mom had been caring for them. Gpa passed away in Feb 2010 and my mom cared for my grandmother. in august of that year, my aunts decided to put gma in a home and kicked my mom out. The aunt who thought my mom was terrible, treats me  and my sister like outcasts because we stick with our mom. She does talk to my brother though. She gossips around town, I'm from a small town, about what my mom did and how she ruined my grandparents lives. Fast forward to now- I decided that I wanted my mom to be able to enjoy my wedding and not feel like she's been looked down upon, so I decided not to invite this aunt or her family. I haven't talked to her in over a year. Her daughter sent me a message on facebook on how she was hurt i didn't invite her mom and she was tired of seeing her mom struggle over what a screw up her sister is and now not being invited to the wedding. How her family has "been there" for all of us through this whole thing. She has NOT said one word to me in over a year. She deleted me on facebook, which i thought was childish, but i didn't care. She gossips about my family and my sister to people in town. Am I wrong for wanting my wedding to be drama free? Am I wrong for not inviting this aunt? Honesty, I don't mind if you think I am. Thanks for listening to me vent.
    Posted by dmullican[/QUOTE]

    Yeah, I think you're fine. If you're already separating from this side of your family, now is as good as a time as ever.

    Don't get me wrong, I'm all about mending bridges and having a strong family, but sometimes, it's best to just let go and live your own life. It sounds like while your mom did something really $hitty, your aunt and her family still wont let it go and have been making things worse for you and your family.

    I think you're perfectly fine to not invite these guests. It's your wedding, not theirs.
    Best wishes!
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • I agree with the rest! I think that your mother (with her faults and all) should be at your wedding. If that means not inviting your aunt, let it be. Your grandmother had it in her heart to forgive her but your aunt does not, mind me, your aunt may still be hurt, but if she has not been a part of your life for a year then that is HER LOSS, NOT YOURS!

    Good Luck!
  • I don't think you are. I am from a small town too so I totally understand where you are comming from with the gossip thing. You did nothing wrong and to me it sounds like you were nice about it. If I was in your situation and my cousin would have told me that I would have chewed her up one end and down the other. You can't pick who you are related to but you can pick who comes to your wedding. You are supposed to surround yourself with close friends and family who care and support you not ones who degrade you for something you had no control over. I think wanting the best for your mom is great and I am sorry you have to deal with this but in the end it's what you want. I hope it works out for the best for you(:
  • I think you are 100% right. Me and FH are going through a similar situation with his side of the family. His aunt and cousin are two lunatics and we had to cut them off because the cousin thinks she's a princess and everyone needs to bow down to her. All his cousin knows how to do is cry and play the victim because my FH doesn't tak to her anymore. Meanwhile she made me cry and started with me at my FH uncles funeral!! You are doing the right thing by not inviting them. You don't the drama at your wedding.
  • I think that what you did was fine. If you don't ever talk to them and they are not healthy to hold a relationship with, then let it go. Especially if you won't be hurt by the consequences. But just know that in the long run it might not be as drama free as you're thinking. 
  • I am going through something similar to all of this, in terms of family. My mom did nothing in this case, and her brother and sister turned against her. The two of them were all buddy buddy, but apparently had some sort of falling out. After my grandfather passed, we were all together, but it was still awkward. My mom still doesn't talk to her brother, but my dad is still pissed at all of them for treating her the way they did. 

    I am having a destination wedding, so I don't have to worry about that now. I am considering an AHR, and am non-confrontational so I am not sure of what to do. 

    I think it is fair that you want your mom to be comfortable withouth her sister. Has your mom expressed anything to you about it? I think at this point it will still be difficult because since your aunt has not gotten an invitation, she (and her family, obviously) feels hurt, and even if you do extend one to her, she may not go or just go to make a scene. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I second everyone else.  If you have not spoken to them in that long, I don't see why they feel they should be invited to your wedding.  FWIW, I am no inviting one of my aunts & her family because of family drama.  Lots of people have family issues and I think you are handling it gracefully.  Enjoy your day!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_am-i-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:7f35e9b8-02bf-40df-8cfb-3d03e8f8877cPost:a54e363c-bdcc-4f91-b489-6dab449264e5">Re: Am I wrong?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think you are 100% right. Me and FH are going through a similar situation with his side of the family. His aunt and cousin are two lunatics and we had to cut them off because the cousin thinks she's a princess and everyone needs to bow down to her. All his cousin knows how to do is cry and play the victim because my FH doesn't tak to her anymore. Meanwhile she made me cry and <font color="#ff00ff">started with me at my FH uncles funeral</font>!! You are doing the right thing by not inviting them. You don't the drama at your wedding.
    Posted by ujocdeelovely[/QUOTE]

    Are you kidding?! I'd have knocked the hell outta that BSC B!tch! You don't disrespect people like that!
  • OP: I agree with you and the other ladies, if she hasn't cared in the past-she can sure as heck keep not caring! I hope you have a beautiful wedding and your mom has fun!

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_am-i-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:7f35e9b8-02bf-40df-8cfb-3d03e8f8877cPost:bc2926f9-70c2-427f-9d57-bd1b12a1a5e7">Re: Am I wrong?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Am I wrong? : Are you kidding?! I'd have knocked the hell outta that BSC B!tch! You don't disrespect people like that!
    Posted by JoshLovesJekka[/QUOTE]


    If I wasn't a respectful person I would've went after her but I was the bigger person. I can go on and on with the stupidity of these people.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_am-i-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:7f35e9b8-02bf-40df-8cfb-3d03e8f8877cPost:e17f4c90-5292-404c-b707-a23a7e387b8a">Re: Am I wrong?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Am I wrong? : If I wasn't a respectful person I would've went after her but I was the bigger person. I can go on and on with the stupidity of these people.
    Posted by ujocdeelovely[/QUOTE]

    I get you. She must be something *special*!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_am-i-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:7f35e9b8-02bf-40df-8cfb-3d03e8f8877cPost:b168689a-aa88-4164-87c0-161adcb6d724">Re: Am I wrong?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Am I wrong? : I get you. She must be something *special*!
    Posted by JoshLovesJekka[/QUOTE]


    O she's special alright! Lol! She's a spoiled little B!
  • thanks ladies. thanks for letting me vent too!! :) it's also nice to know my family isn't so dysfunctional- that's there are others!! haha! :)
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • oh lovely.  It just goes to show, you can't pick your family.

    OP,  it's your wedding.  Invite who you want.  It doesn't sound like you've been talking to them in quite some time anyways, so I'm sure there will be people in your extended family who will have opinions about it, but everyone is always going to have an opinion about something.  If it's best for you and the people important to you (aka your mom), then leave them out of the wedding.  The transgression was between your mom and your grandparents anyways, and it sounds like those fences were mended.  Keep the drama llamas out of the wedding.  :)
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Anniversary
  • Hey, every family has its problems.  If your aunt and her family can't find it in their hearts to forgive then its their loss.  If it "hurts" your cousin that you didn't invite any of them maybe that will make them realize that maybe they've been "hurting" y'all all along.  Not saying that you'd hurt them on purpose but you see what I'm saying.  Bottom line is people make mistakes, we all have a past, but its what we do with our future that counts.  Sounds like your mom chose well for her future. 

    So just take a deep breath.  Do what your gut tells you and the majority of the time that will be the right decision.  I wouldn't want that drama at my wedding either.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Wedding Countdown Ticker
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards