Wedding Woes

Burglers In Law

Almost every time the IL's visit, they end up taking something from our house home with them. The younger siblings have accidentally taken a couple of our pillows/towels home, and FIL sometimes gets overeager loading the car and throws some of our stuff in there (my purse once, an umbrella some other time, sleeping bags, blankets). Understandable stuff.

But MIL is special. When she came for the wedding, she went home with our nice salt and pepper grinders. When she got home, she said, she realized the mistake but liked them so much she just kept using them. She "replaced them" with a pair of disposable ones.

She has also gone home with an heirloom cast iron frying pan (it's most notable user being my grandma, who smacked my uncle upside the head with it when she found out he had hit a girlfriend). I had to explain that "replacing it" wasn't an option, but she still didn't return it voluntarily, and we snuck it back the next time we visited.

There have been other instances (some of H's clothes, a picture album) and this last weekend it was our clothes iron.

At what point do I stop treating it as repeated accidents? As long as I can get irreplaceable things back, I don't feel like I need to confront her. H wants to say something, but even if HE has the convo with her, I'M the one she's going to take it out on.  Would y'all say anything?

Dear Rain, Not Today. Sincerely, My Parade

Re: Burglers In Law

  • 6fsn6fsn member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    My ILs break something every time they are here, but they don't steal things.  I think I'd stop inviting them.  Even towels and pillows are hard to take accidentally.
  • hmonkeyhmonkey member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    i would have said something about two years ago.

    at least when my mother steals, she tells me.  i do the same for her.
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  • ~~Busy.~~~~Busy.~~ member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    WTF is wrong with you? Seriously, she's stealing from you but you want to keep your mouth shut becuase she's family?  Let hubby handle it.  If you are lucky she will be insulted and not want to sleep in your house anymore.  Sounds like win win to me.

    SHE'S STEALING FROM YOU.  None of these are accidents.  You had to steal your pan back for goodness sake.
  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Those people would never be allowed in my house again, and I'd be ransacking their house getting all my stuff back.
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  • blush64blush64 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I would have him say something and either stop inviting them or have your husband load the car. That's so weird. My 3 year old nephew sometimes takes things from my house if he really likes them but even he is told it's wrong to take something that isn't yours. Too bad your in-laws never learned that.

  • AuntFloAuntFlo member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Understandable stuff.

    Um, no.   Not understandable at all.   If you have to continue dealing with these people, they'll need an intervention.   Please record this and post video here.   KTHXBAI!
  • edited December 2011
    I usually say, "Mom, you don't want this, do you"?

    I"m surprised she doesn't do a bag check before I leave.
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  • dharmabunnydharmabunny member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_burglers-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:feec488a-cbbc-40e6-9177-4cf37151c190Post:9d9fe5f5-d474-4458-b4a8-2d2971a1b288">Re: Burglers In Law</a>:
    [QUOTE]Those people would never be allowed in my house again, and I'd be ransacking their house getting all my stuff back.
    Posted by ReturnOfKuus[/QUOTE]

    This.
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  • edited December 2011
    Don't people know their stuff?

    I could see a black sweater that looked like your black sweater, but not a floral blanket that looks nothing like the one you drooled on during the drive up.

    Strange.
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  • thatgrrrrlthatgrrrrl member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    That's creepy and weird and I wouldn't allow them into my house. That is blatent stealing. That's not "Oops." They stole your purse, for God's sake!
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  • InksWellInksWell member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    well, FIl didn't "steal" my purse, he thought it belonged to one of H's sisters.  There are a lot of them, and they are very disorganized. It's unlikely that BIL/SIL's would know what MIL brought or FIL would know that BIL/SILs  brought. All the "kids" are old enough to pack for themselves.

    There is not a snowball's chance in Hell that MIL will stop visiting. No matter what. I don't think a 10$ iron Is worth a lifetime of more vindictive than pre-accused MIL. She's effin crazy. It's not that I want to keep my mouth shut because "she's family"- it's self preservation.
    Dear Rain, Not Today. Sincerely, My Parade
  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I don't get this at all.  It's YOUR house.  You don't have to let her in to steal your stuff.  And I might ask, WHERE IS YOUR HUSBAND?!
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  • Butter CookieButter Cookie member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Yeah, no. This isn't normal. I've never had anybody accidentally walk out of my house with anything that belonged to me. You need to put a stop to this. Replacing your nice salt and pepper grinder with throw-aways and taking a cast iron skillet that has been in the family for decades, and then having to SNEAK that back? No. Just no. If MIL or FIL ever accidentally took something they would call as soon as they realized it and set it out to take with them or give back to me the next time they saw me.

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • baconsmombaconsmom member
    5 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Burglers In Law:
    [QUOTE There is not a snowball's chance in Hell that MIL will stop visiting. No matter what. I don't think a 10$ iron Is worth a lifetime of more vindictive than pre-accused MIL. She's effin crazy. It's not that I want to keep my mouth shut because "she's family"- it's self preservation.
    Posted by InksWell[/QUOTE]

    It's YOUR house. If you don't let her in, how can she visit and steal your sht? Just tell her no already!
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  • InksWellInksWell member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Kuus- as in the OP, H wants to confront her. Which is nice in theory, but she s not going to be mad at her child, she's going to be mad at the hag who took him away. We've been through this before (H, MIL and I).

    BMom-  it's not like I can have all but MIL. Most of the family is tres awesome, and I DO want to spend time with them. For instance, oldest SIL and her DD's live with MIL right now, while her H is out of the country. I genuinely love hanging out with the 2 youngest SIL's (teens), and BIL (graduating HS) and H are really close. They kind of come as a package with MIL.
    Dear Rain, Not Today. Sincerely, My Parade
  • 6fsn6fsn member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I guess the only thing to do then is get some TSA training and institute pat-downs upon leaving.
  • GBCKGBCK member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_burglers-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:feec488a-cbbc-40e6-9177-4cf37151c190Post:bbd99719-244a-45f7-a421-5c184cdee2a5">Re: Burglers In Law</a>:
    [QUOTE]Kuus- as in the OP, H wants to confront her. Which is nice in theory, but she s not going to be mad at her child, she's going to be mad at the hag who took him away. We've been through this before (H, MIL and I). BMom-  it's not like I can have all but MIL. Most of the family is tres awesome, and I DO want to spend time with them. For instance, oldest SIL and her DD's live with MIL right now, while her H is out of the country. I genuinely love hanging out with the 2 youngest SIL's (teens), and BIL (graduating HS) and H are really close. They kind of come as a package with MIL.
    Posted by InksWell[/QUOTE]

    You are getting the hearty side-eye from me.

    So...she'll be mad at you and this is a problem why?
    No one in the family can cut the cord enough to make this NOT be a package deal WHY?
  • *Barbie**Barbie* member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    These people would no longer be welcome in our home. SIL's MIL steals from them (she has taken all of the TP in the house, returned my nephew's halloween costume for cash, and the digital camera has been missing since her last visit) - and i have no idea why the fvck this woman is still allowed into their home.
  • nicoleg1982nicoleg1982 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    The Pepsi is rotting your brain.
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  • hmonkeyhmonkey member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    i would not give two hard little rabbit pellets from kuus's butt who was mad at me if my peugeots were missing.  there would be blood.
    image
  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Oh no!  She'll be MAD!  The world will stop spinning on its axis!  The poles will reverse!  Monks will burn themselves in protest!

    Really, she'll just stop coming over and stealing your stuff.
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  • InksWellInksWell member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    They're a package deal because at least 3 of the people we want to see on a regular basis are minors. 2 can't drive. I'm sure they'll end up getting the heck out of dodge at the first opportunity, like H did. 
     
    But I think you kind of changed my mind about how lightly I'm taking it. I guess I'm thinking of it in terms of the things (like 9.99$ iron) instead of the disrespect. The thing isn't a big deal, the disrespect is. So I wouldn't just be making a fuss over ten bucks, I'd be standing up for myself.

    I think H is right, he should say something to her about the "accidents" and rudeness/disrespect towards me. I can deal with any new craziness (snark about her on the boards is always the mature way to do it, right?).

    Dear Rain, Not Today. Sincerely, My Parade
  • InksWellInksWell member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    If she got mad and stopped coming, the issue is solved.

    But she's a clingy MIL. She will never be mad enough at me to not visit H. The last time she was really mad at me, she visited 4 times in a month, trying to convince H that I was crazy and wrong. And no, she was not invited. Once they just parked a camper in our drive way.

    Just so it's clear what kind of crazy we're dealing with.

    Dear Rain, Not Today. Sincerely, My Parade
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_burglers-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:feec488a-cbbc-40e6-9177-4cf37151c190Post:914a4273-4472-4107-ba14-f822ce8b6f19">Re: Burglers In Law</a>:
    [QUOTE]WTF is wrong with you? Seriously, she's stealing from you but you want to keep your mouth shut becuase she's family?  Let hubby handle it.  If you are lucky she will be insulted and not want to sleep in your house anymore.  Sounds like win win to me. SHE'S STEALING FROM YOU.  None of these are accidents.  You had to steal your pan back for goodness sake.
    Posted by ~~Busy.~~[/QUOTE]

    THIS!! Today MIL was looking at my mail. I made it clear that wasn't acceptable. I'm not a confrontational person, but somethings are just plain unacceptable. 

    Sorry, you don't accidentally steal an heirloom anything.

    If your H does talk to her and she takes it out on you, it's your H's job to stick up for you and tell her to shut it. *and it sounds like he will so let him
    "
    The other day we asked MIL to watch DS. We told her we would take him to her house. She quickly responded, "Ohhh, I can go over there!!" H called her out, "Why, so you can go through our house?"  Does H enjoy treating his mother like a child? No, but he does it because she's made it necessary.
    MIL is thrilled you're joining the family. Image and video hosting by TinyPic
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