Does paying equal hosting?

celticmyss · March 2012

I am getting ready to order my invitations and I am still debating how to word things.

I am not sure if it should be my father's name or just our names as the hosts. My father is paying for about 2/3 of the wedding but he hasn't taken a role in decision making or anything like that. So does paying equal hosting or are they not necessarily the same thing?

Ideally I would solve this with "together with their families" but we're having such a small wedding that we're pretty much only inviting immediate family! Plus, FH's family hasn't been involved at all so it just seems weird.

If I do use my father's name then I would have to put him and my stepmother rather than my mother. Both my parent's and FH's are divorced and his mother passed away in November.

It seems like just having our names on the invitation would be the least complicated but I don't know if that is proper.

I guess the smart answer would just be to ask my father if he cares, but I wanted to hear what you all think.

hollyweenOR · March 2012

We went with "Together with their families"- my parents very kindly gave us money to put toward the wedding, but we are paying for more than half, so it didn't seem right to use the "Mr. and Mrs. Mom and Dad joyfully request your blah blah blah" type of wording. It does imply that the groom's family is involved in hosting somehow, which at this point is not the case, but I didn't see a graceful way around that. His father did pay for his brother's rehearsal dinner last fall, though we're not expecting it (and won't ask) but won't be surprised if he does, in which case the wording would become accurate.

I wish his mother was still living so she could have been involved (not paying, I mean, just involved- from what I have heard about her, this would have made her very happy).

BMcLeodTeam · March 2012

I would talk to him, techinically, etiquette wise, it should list his name BUT if you talk with him, that might not be what he wants at all

[Deleted User] · March 2012

I agree with PP that technically his name should be on there but in our situation my future in laws are paying for most of the wedding and they didn't want their names on it. My dad is contributing some and we are paying the rest so we went with "Together with their families....."

romamor4 · March 2012

We just used our names. We didn't even use Together with Our Families, even though his father is paying for the venue. He's just not the type of person that wants or needs recognition and would rather not be "in the spotlight" so to speak. I have to agree with PPs in that asking your father may be your best bet.

celticmyss · March 2012

I suspect that asking my father will get me a "I don't care, whatever you want to do" response. I can still ask him though. I'll see my sister this evening too so I can ask her what she did and what she thinks he would want. Although in her case I think her mother and the groom's family paid. It was 15 years ago and our father was in a very different financial situation.

lbarr088 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_does-paying-equal-hosting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:22405b7a-bda2-41d0-91cc-e7cb1f6e8cc5Post:fda83768-88f1-41b6-acb4-7f81d311733b">Re: Does paying equal hosting?</a>:
[QUOTE]I suspect that asking my father will get me a "I don't care, whatever you want to do" response. I can still ask him though. I'll see my sister this evening too so I can ask her what she did and what she thinks he would want. Although in her case I think her mother and the groom's family paid. It was 15 years ago and our father was in a very different financial situation.
Posted by celticmyss[/QUOTE]

<div>My parents didn't really care. When I called my mom the night I was sending the wording to the designer she randomly decided she wanted everyone listed (her and my father along with FIs divorced parents)! I don't mind, it's a little wordy but they are all contributing and I mean, if it wasn't for them we wouldn't be where we are today so I figured why not "honor' them in that way, ya know?</div>

volleygurl0306 · March 2012

I'd ask you dad. We just used our names. We are paying for 2/3 of the wedding. FI's parents gave us money which is roughly equivalent to 1/3 and my parents paid for my dress. I originally had "Together with their families" and FI wanted to leave it out. I figured if there was backlash (which would come from his parents more than likely since my dress wasn't too too expensive though still a huge help but my parents) that was on him at least.

nicknuttnc · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_does-paying-equal-hosting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:22405b7a-bda2-41d0-91cc-e7cb1f6e8cc5Post:c2b2412b-92ed-4256-95f8-1fc2be44a3a2">Re: Does paying equal hosting?</a>:
[QUOTE]We just used our names. We didn't even use Together with Our Families, even though his father is paying for the venue. He's just not the type of person that wants or needs recognition and would rather not be "in the spotlight" so to speak. I have to agree with PPs in that asking your father may be your best bet.
Posted by romamor4[/QUOTE]

This!!!!!!!

NO2012 · March 2012

We put "Together with their Parents." Both set of parents still married and both sets of parents contributing, but money wise we are the primary hosts (and we are both established adults) and we thought this wording properly conveyed that.

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