Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Chit Chat
Chit Chat
New Discussion

Brides step mom is refusing to help financially!

jakiousjakious
in Chit Chat
I am the mother of the groom and I am no longer married to the grooms father.  the FOG and my husband and I are going to help my son and fiance get married in equal dollar amounts.  No problem there, here is the dilemma:  the father of the bride does not work, the step mom is saving her money for boobs...No I am not kidding...and says that they don't have the money to assist in the wedding, but the other day on FB I see that the FOB got a new crotch rocket.  The Bride to be is embarrassed and at a loss to know how to handle this.  The mother of the bride is not in the picture.  I am having a hard time keeping my mouth shut and just being supportive, and my husband is insisting that we do not help more than the allotted amount ( I agree, but feel so bad for this girl, I could cry.)
How do we deal with this situation and keep some peace for ourselves and the young couple?
Report Reply to Post

Re: Brides step mom is refusing to help financially!

  • ECOlsonECOlson
    First Comment
    Unless you want to start a major feud, there is nothing you can (or should) do, unfortunately.  It's wonderful that you, your husband, and your ex husband are planning on contributing, and I'm sure your son and his fiance are grateful, but you cannot force other people to do what is "right" in your eyes.  They clearly have other priorities and while they may be way off, the best thing you can do in this situation is be as supportive as you can for the bride.  It seems like she could use a supportive figure from what you've explained.  As far as keeping the peace, ignore her parents as much as possible and don't include them in much of the planning.  Only those contributing financially have the right to get a say in how the wedding goes.
    Report Reply
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    I agree there's nothing you can do unless you want to start a major fight that will probably make the wedding and all the time leading up to it even worse for the bride and groom.  Sounds like her families priorities are different and the bride will have to plan according to the money you and your ex-husband are promised and pick up the slack herself.  It seems like these days there are less "rules" for who has to pay what.  I feel bad for the bride, but she can handle this.
    Report Reply
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_brides-step-mom-is-refusing-to-help-financially?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6acc4f4-7733-4421-9c7f-35a1ed15363bPost:05720a89-91f5-407d-a4de-47cf7de861c9">Re: Brides step mom is refusing to help financially!</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>MYOB.</strong>  Worry about your own contributions and leave it at that.  No one is obligated to pay for the wedding but the bride and groom.  You've offered them a wonderful gift but that doesn't obligate her parents to do so as well.
    Posted by LingerLonger1[/QUOTE]

    This.

    Report Reply
  • LaBellaVita23LaBellaVita23 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    What the bride's parents choose to do with their money is their own business.  Just like what you choose to do with your money is your own business.

    It's very nice that you are gifting your money to your son and future daughter in law but her parents are under no obligation to "match" your gift.  Either the B&G need to come up with the remaininng funds themselves or tell them to scale back their plans so they can afford the wedding with the money that's available.
    May 21, 2011
    image

    image
    my read shelf:
    Elizabeth's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
    Report Reply
  • achiduckachiduck member
    5 Love Its First Comment

    No one is required to pay for a wedding except the bride and groom. It's very generous of you to contribute but like pps have said you cannot say anything to the other parties. It's really none of your business.

    If there's a discrepancy in the budget the B&G need to pony up the cash or downgrade their plans. Simple as that.

    image
    Anniversary
    Report Reply
  • AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    It's no one's responsibility to pay for a wedding except the bride and groom.  It's lovely that you have offered.  It's lovely that your ex-husband has offered.  It is none of your business and certainly not mandatory for the bride's parents to be equally generous. 

    Teach your children how to budget and accept gifts graciously - not get angry because others aren't offering the same handouts.

    Report Reply
  • StephBeanWed61502StephBeanWed61502 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_brides-step-mom-is-refusing-to-help-financially?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6acc4f4-7733-4421-9c7f-35a1ed15363bPost:b9573e7b-bff1-441e-8a62-8713a84453cd">Re: Brides step mom is refusing to help financially!</a>:
    [QUOTE]It's no one's responsibility to pay for a wedding except the bride and groom.  It's lovely that you have offered.  It's lovely that your ex-husband has offered.  It is none of your business and certainly not mandatory for the bride's parents to be equally generous.  Teach your children how to budget and accept gifts graciously - not get angry because others aren't offering the same handouts.
    Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

    100% ALL OF THIS.

    Teach your son and his fiancee how to graciously accept what's offered and to plan parties that are within their personal means, instead of expecting others to foot the bill and then engaging in petty scorekeeping when they don't.
    imagemy to-read shelf:
    Steph's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (to-read shelf)
    Report Reply
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Oh and you should probably make yourself a new screen name because using your email address isn't the best idea...unless you would like a lot of unwanted emails and spam coming your way.

    Report Reply
  • jemmini6jemmini6 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_brides-step-mom-is-refusing-to-help-financially?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6acc4f4-7733-4421-9c7f-35a1ed15363bPost:b9573e7b-bff1-441e-8a62-8713a84453cd">Re: Brides step mom is refusing to help financially!</a>:
    [QUOTE]It's no one's responsibility to pay for a wedding except the bride and groom.  It's lovely that you have offered.  It's lovely that your ex-husband has offered.  It is none of your business and certainly not mandatory for the bride's parents to be equally generous.  <strong>Teach your children how to budget and accept gifts graciously - not get angry because others aren't offering the same handouts.</strong>
    Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

    This.  It's THEIR wedding, why do you think they should expect anyone else to pay for it?  A wedding is not owed to them by their parents, if they want something, they need to budget for it.  It's very generous of you to offer financial assistance, but at the end of the day, it's still THEIR wedding, and THEIR responsibility to pay for it.  End of story.

    Also, you seem extremely judgy about her parents and it's really petty and trashy of you to judge how they spend their money.  It's none of your damn business, stay out of it!
    Anniversary
    Report Reply
  • LaBellaVita23LaBellaVita23 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Ever think the bride is embarassed because you seem to be really judgy about it and obviously don't have a high opinion of her parents?
    May 21, 2011
    image

    image
    my read shelf:
    Elizabeth's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
    Report Reply
  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_brides-step-mom-is-refusing-to-help-financially?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6acc4f4-7733-4421-9c7f-35a1ed15363bPost:09279095-b875-4443-9b35-5b2cb28a3c74">Brides step mom is refusing to help financially!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am the mother of the groom and I am no longer married to the grooms father.  the FOG and my husband and I are going to help my son and fiance get married in equal dollar amounts.  No problem there, here is the dilemma:  the father of the bride does not work, the step mom is saving her money for boobs...No I am not kidding...and says that they don't have the money to assist in the wedding, but the other day on FB I see that the FOB got a new crotch rocket.  The Bride to be is embarrassed and at a loss to know how to handle this.  The mother of the bride is not in the picture.  I am having a hard time keeping my mouth shut and just being supportive,<strong> and my husband is insisting that we do not help more than the allotted amount</strong> ( I agree, but feel so bad for this girl, I could cry.) How do we deal with this situation and keep some peace for ourselves and the young couple?
    Posted by jakious@hotmail.com[/QUOTE]

    Who decided on the "allotted amount"?
    Report Reply
  • QueerFemmeQueerFemme member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    Stay out of other people's business... that's how you deal with this situation.   Yay for you that you and your ex have the ability to contribute to your son's wedding.  That's where your involvement ends. It is NONE of your business what your son's future wife's family does with their money.  Maybe they can't contribute. Maybe she needs new boobs.  Maybe he wants a new motorcycle. Maybe they secretly hate their daughter, or your son, and don't WANT to contribute to their wedding.  

    Their reasons for not contributing is absolutely 100% none of your business.  Stop mentioning it to your son or your future daughter-in-law.  Give them your contribution..  wish them well, and stay out of it.  Coming up with the rest of the money for their wedding is up to them. 

    image

    Websites/blogs where our wedding has been featured:

    http://www.dapperq.com/2013/11/a-very-dapper-wedding/

    http://www.onabicyclebuiltfortwo.com/2013/10/wedding-christina-g.html

    http://4realequalityweddings.com/2014/05/16/g-christina/

    Report Reply
  • HobokensFuryHobokensFury member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    Sorry but this really isn't any of your business. Stay out of it.
     
      Image and video hosting by TinyPic Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    Report Reply
  • sonya+adamsonya+adam member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    It isn't anyone else's business what the Bride's parents do with their money. They aren't the ones getting married, so they aren't required to give any money. It is so great that you and your husband and ex husband are all helping them pay for the wedding, but just because you do it doesn't mean they have to do it too. Life isn't always a "monkey see, monkey do" thing.

    The engaged couple needs to be grateful for the Groom's family's gift, and accept that the Bride's family isn't going to be helping with the wedding financially. Then, they need to start saving their money and pay for the wedding themselves, like most other engaged couples.
    Report Reply
  • givemeantlersgivemeantlers member
    First Comment
    WOW. Everyone here is obviously very rude. I find it appauling the parents would rather pay for fake boobs than help their daughter with her wedding. Get your priorities straight. And you can feel how you want! All this "myob" **** is getting to me. Shut up. You myob. It's her opinion on these people, one which I share.
    Report Reply
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_brides-step-mom-is-refusing-to-help-financially?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6acc4f4-7733-4421-9c7f-35a1ed15363bPost:a5aafdde-6e23-4553-aff7-362a9f8a27ea">Re: Brides step mom is refusing to help financially!</a>:
    [QUOTE]WOW. Everyone here is obviously very rude. I find it appauling the parents would rather pay for fake boobs than help their daughter with her wedding. Get your priorities straight. And you can feel how you want! All this "myob" **** is getting to me. Shut up. You myob. It's her opinion on these people, one which I share.
    Posted by givemeantlers[/QUOTE]

    Yes, she is allowed to feel how she wants but she cannot force the brides parents to contribute to the wedding costs.  No one is required to pay for a wedding except the bride and groom.  If the brides parents do not want to contribute financially that is their decision.  And since it is their money, if the brides parents want to buy the moon then they have every right to and it is no one's business nor is it their right to comment on how they spent their money.  Other peoples financials are absolutely no one's business.

    Report Reply
  • OwningAHome1981OwningAHome1981 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_brides-step-mom-is-refusing-to-help-financially?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6acc4f4-7733-4421-9c7f-35a1ed15363bPost:09279095-b875-4443-9b35-5b2cb28a3c74">Brides step mom is refusing to help financially!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am the mother of the groom and I am no longer married to the grooms father.  the FOG and my husband and I are going to help my son and fiance get married in equal dollar amounts.  No problem there, here is the dilemma:  the father of the bride does not work, the step mom is saving her money for boobs...No I am not kidding...and says that they don't have the money to assist in the wedding, but the other day on FB I see that the FOB got a new crotch rocket.  The Bride to be is embarrassed and at a loss to know how to handle this.  The mother of the bride is not in the picture.  I am having a hard time keeping my mouth shut and just being supportive, and my husband is insisting that we do not help more than the allotted amount ( I agree, but feel so bad for this girl, I could cry.) How do we deal with this situation and keep some peace for ourselves and the young couple?
    Posted by jakious@hotmail.com[/QUOTE]

    First of all I want to say kudos for being an awesome mom and contributing to your son's day- I think it is great that you are giving money. I am lucky my parents are helping us out as well but so many young couples have to pay for it themselves and either cannot have the wedding they want b/c of funds or have to take out loans. My parents are paying for ours b/c they want us to have money for the future and not have had spent it all on the wedding.

    With that said, unfortunately not everyone sees it the way you and I do. There is no olbigation that parents must pay and it doesn't mean they are bad parents or people, but a lot of the times the parents can't help, don't want to or wont and the burden is picked up the bride and groom themselves. As much as it sucks, you can't do much about it. Everyone's priorities are different- some parents will contribute some wont. As of my now my parents are the only ones who have offered money. I don't know if my FH's parents wil, but if they don't, tehy don't- sucks, but there's not much you can do. Just know in your heart that you are doing the right thing and I am sure your son will appreciate it greatly and will have a great wedding.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
  • kitkatchica86kitkatchica86 member
    First Comment
    It is no longer customary to have family pay for this or that. I'm sorry that this is happening to your FDIL but there isnt anything you can do about it. Don't overreach, it will make the bride possibly feel worse about her situation. Whatever it is that you do, just be there and be supportive. If they decide later on that they want to contribute, then that's fine, but they are not required to.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards