Hey ladies,
I am in need of some serious prayer. My FI and I have been together a little over 2 years and are getting married in 6 months. We are both seniors in college, I'm actually graduating in 2 weeks. The whole time we have been dating there have been increasing tensions with his family. First he decided not to be premed, and instead go into ministry (although he is now planning on teaching high school biology), which caused a lot of turmoil in the family, even though now he is going to do something he loves.
Then we decided to get married earlier than they liked (We talked to them last Oct. about our intentions and his mom wanted us to wait at least 6 more months to see if that is what we wanted to do). We got engaged in March and used his grandmother's stone (dad's mom) in the setting and over Christmas when he wanted the ring to get a new setting his mom said she didn't think it we were serious, that we had been saying this in an "emotional moment"...even though we talked about this to them months before...
The biggest thing happened over the summer. His financial aid came back awful and my parents offered him the guest house on their property (where we were planning on living when we got married anyway, but don't worry my parents are very intentional about maintaining appropriate boundaries, etc.) This saved him $6-7000 in loans that would be in his name after he graduated. This was affirmed to be the wise decision by our pastor, my parents (who are very wise financially), and our entire community...except for his parents who practically threatened to disown him over the situation (not come to the wedding, etc.)
My family has taken in my FI as part of our family and truly loves him. His family had a difficult situation of taking care of his grandfather with dementia until he recently died, and complained about no one helping their family. But when my family substantially helps Joe by giving him a place to live (to also greatly reduce loans upon graduation when we are getting married), they scorn us and threaten to cut off ties with FI. Instead they say the only reason he would do this is so we could live together. My parents are *the* last people on earth who would allow that, especially on their own property, anothr misjudgement of my family's values.
Things finally after much frustration, manipulation, tears, and pain. Now we are in the final decisions about the rehearsal dinner. They told us at the beginning that we could decide on our own what to do, and they would do it, specifically it could be informal and low-key or more formal. We decided we would like to have an intimate dinner at a semi-nice restaurant for ~30 people, and then come back to my family's house for dessert and "toasts" and invite all of the out-of-town guests to that. we are having around 100 people to the wedding, 90 of whom are out of town. His family isn't coming down until the day of the wedding, it is really my extended family that is coming from out of town. My family would actually appreciate this set up since it gives greater freedom to travel plans, but his mom won't take our word. I think she finally realizes this is what we want, but is complaining so much about it and won't listen to anyone's reasoning. My FI is only home for 3 days for Thanksgiving and is already having a hard time.
But, the really upsetting thing to me is: my parents were planning on paying for the wedding party's hotel. My FI informed them that they would be reserving the room for them yesterday and his mom said they would drive home and drive back the next day. They are 2 hours away! So they would drive back late Friday and drive here Saturday for our 1:30 PM wedding?!?! It was just so prideful and hurtful to me and my family that they would say that. What if something happened and they missed the wedding? I just think this is going to extreme lengths to preserve their pride.
I am at a loss as to further handle the situation. It is just so frustrating that they have done nothing to actually try to get to know my family and our values and instead have consistently judged my family.
Sorry this is so long...I am just so hurt and frustrated. I don't think they realize how much damage they are doing to our relationship with them. I think a lot of it is, at least at the beginning I'm not sure about now, they really didn't think we were getting married or that my parents were even taking this seriously, despite when we said things to the contrary. My parents have offered us support and encouragement throughout this process and know that Joe is the man that God has brought into my life to be my husband. We are as prepared as we could be for facing life together through the unique challenges, trials, an discussions we have had to have. I just don't know what to do...
Props to anyone who actually read all of that. I needed to get it off my chest.
~Anna
